Girlfriend of a single Dad

[pringlecupcake]

Hi I am girlfriend of a single Dad, still to meet his children. I was really scared first as I have never ever wanted kids but from how he talks about them he is converting me as he has such love for them when he speaks. They are girl 8, and two boys 12 and 14, I have only really had contact with little ones before so its still a bit daunting.

However they know nothing about me, I have said hello on the phone but they do not know who I am, neither does his ex who was their Mum for a long time before they split, she is not their natural Mum they split up before and then she died, so the kids have had quite a traumatic early life.

I dont know if I want to marry him or move in with him as I dont know the whole of him yet and the only way I can do this is to know his family. I personally think I should meet his ex first and get her approval as she is still very close to the kids.

This however has him in complete pieces he blames himself for their traumas before and does not want to upset them and neither do I. I also do not want to cause him stress, he has enough to do being a single dad and looking after 3 lovely kids and working and helping out the rest of his family.

What should I do, I do think it will make it easier for him if everyone knows who I am, I can then get to know him properly for me, but I really really dont want to upset anyone further. I know kids are always number one but I just want to be able to help him and I cant do that if I am a mystery.

How did all you single Dads who have full responsibilty for your kids introduce your new girlfriends into their lives, and that of your ex partners.

Help me cos I really love him

If she was just a friend wishing to give another friend a supportive hug I don't see the issue in that..

"kids put me off mainly as I am terrified of them but I was scared of babies and got over that, they are just a smaller version of me so nothing to be scared of really."

I don't know that I would want you to experiment with getting to know kids if they were my kids and had had a tough younger life (loosing mum etc).
If you were someone already comfortable with kids as such and had been in the relationship for a bit longer, then it's different - but as it stands, I think you need another hobby. Sorry...

I would be taking a step back if I were you. Basically, you've been in the relationship 1 month and you're already getting all knotted up in his problems and his misery and your own feelings.

I'm a step-mum and I'm very comfortable and thick skinned with children. Worked with at-risk and challenged children for years so I'm pretty bomb proof but I still find our blended family very, very hard sometimes.

This is no disrespect at all, but, if you get this emotional after 1 month and thats without meeting the children I doubt that this relationship will do anything but upset you and upset this troubled-sounding family unit. Kid drama is adult drama x 100!

Where are you in all this? What are your needs in a relationship? Even the worlds most self assured person would balk at this scenario, trust me.

I think it's really responsible and sweet of you to post here for opinions OP. You are obviously taking the kids feelings very seriously.

But, I agree you are running before you can walk. And you really have no idea - through no fault of your own - of the world of shit you could be entering. I'd take a huge step back and go very slow and really think whether you want to take this one on.

Sorry but feeling grateful for him rescuing you and wanting to rescue him in return, is a really unhealthy basis for a relationship.

How old are you OP?

Oh god yes, you should be at the going to restaurants, looking into each other's eyes, not being able to keep your hands off each other, blissed out stage.

This is only the start. Where are your good memories going to be?

Please don't put yourself through this. Please go and find out what it is about your psyche that finds this god-awful mess somewhere you feel comfortable.

I would say as a single mum that you should be careful..it doesn't quite add up and your relationship is very young. see where u2 are in a year or so...