Family occasion - ex will be there - tips on how to cope please!

[hormonesnomore]

Very important family occasion coming up - only a small gathering of close family and ex will be attending.

Now, I could cheerfully strangle him most of the time but for everyone's sake we will be civilised and polite on the day (well, in fact it's over two days, so double the agony).

Does anyone have any tips on how to cope so that I can maybe even enjoy myself?

TIA

Tell other people who will be there how you feel and ask for their support is my tip.
Then they will be on the look out to help the situation.
Other than that just smile and nod, smile and nod through gritted teeth and don't engage with him.
Good luck

Thanks mamas12. Unfortunately, I don't feel I'll have a lot of support from the others there. He's very good at manipulating and getting sympathy for himself.

I think I'll just have to grit my teeth - the smiling bit will be quite difficult though! I really don't want to let him spoil this for me (or anyone else).

Alcohol's probably a bad idea, yes?

Indeed, stay sober, keep your dignity, and when you think how lucky you are not to be with him any more, it may make you smile after all!

Haha, I'll bear that in mind Annie, and have a large drink when I get home!

I would still tell some people how apprehensive you are about the whole situation.
They have to realise there are two sides and when faced with you saying you might be like that will make them aware at least of some crack in his stories about you.

You are in control of what you tell people .
I'd say something to someone, really.

It depends a bit whose family it is - if it's his family, do you have to go? If it's your family, why is your XP invited in the first place?

SGB, I'm mother of the bride & he's father of the bride. Both sides of family will be there obv, very small, intimate gathering which makes it more difficult for me as not enough people to diffuse the discomfort iyswim.

And there will be photographs.

Argh - another potential minefield of embarassment.

Mamas - I've made the mistake of putting on a brave face and telling everyone we've parted amicably which just isn't true but have always thought it's not anyone else's business.

He doesn't really speak much to the people who'll be attending and I don't want him hanging around me which is what I suspect he might do.

I want everyone to have a lovely time and I'll have to be civil to him but oh how I wish he didn't have to be there.

enlist support from someone you can rely on

focus completely on your daughter, the journey she has made, the family she has created, and the beautiful bride she is

treat yourself to something that makes you feel amazing, whether it's a perfume, bit of make up, clothing or undies, make sure you feel wonderful

Oh HNM - ouch! I do see the problem. Just, as others have said, focus on your DD, be polite but distant to XP - aim for a kind of amused tolerance, the same way as you would treat a mad great auntie or tiresome cousin.
Best of luck.

He is like a tiresome cousin SGB, or an irritating younger brother.

I shall have to rise above it and try not to create problems where there are (hopefully) none.

Lovely ideas maristella and I'm sure I will be focusing on my DD. I feel guilty for thinking of myself really but it's the first family occasion we've had to face after separation. It's bringing home the fact that we will be forever joined together by our family ties

Thanks for your suggestions x

Second what everyone else has said but can you have at least one person thinking of you too on this day???

Thanks mamas - I do find it difficult to ask for support in RL and that's why mumsnet is so great - you can post a question and people you've never met take the time & trouble to read and respond. It's really heart-warming, thank you.

I'm going to be a blubbering wreck a bit emotional at this wedding I think.

I can only sympathise, but maybe someone will see how the situation lies as it is such a small 'do'. You can only be yourself and love your daughter.
Take lots of loo breaks where you can either smoke if you smoke or have a stash of your fave chocs, don't advise getting sloshed though until you get home.

Update - the 'do' was lovely and went very smoothly.

The bride (and groom to be fair ) was gorgeous and I was very proud of them both.

Lots of toilet breaks to compose myself - I don't smoke and I didn't drink much alcohol.

The ex was a fucking pain not too bad. I felt as though I had to keep avoiding him which made me a bit edgy, but on the whole it wasn't too bad in that respect.

Everyone said they had a fabulous time and DD and her new husband (I'm a MIL!!) said they enjoyed every minute so that's all that matters really.

Good for you, hormones, and you're quite right, it was the bride and groom's day, and if they said they were happy, it must be true.

Well done, and best wishes to the bride and groom for a happy life together. At least you can tell them what not to do!

I would like to say, congratulations! The most important thing in this ceremony was for the bride and groom to enjoy it. I am sure your DD must have been anxious about the two of you together too! You have done agreat job of remaining civil. I hope the best for your DD and your new DS-in-law.

I am sooo glad you came through it happily for your sake as well as your dd.
Mil territory now beckons. I'm sure you will be a great one.