When to separate? Dilemma

[tizzywotnot]

H and I have decided to separate. We currently have very open communication and are capable of getting along. I know there is never a good time fir the ds in terms of the upset anb trauma of separation for the dc but our dilemma is as follows...

ds starts reception in September and we are already concerned about this transition for him. He it took a very long time for him to settle in at nursery as he is a very sensitive little boy and struggles with the social side of things.

Obviously it could take some time for H to organise moving out etc anyway, but we just don't know if it would be better to go full steam ahead in trying to have this massive change before Sept, or whether to sit it out for (how long?) after ds has settled at school?

Our with the latter is that our current amicable split could turn sour if we are forced to live under the same roof for many more months to come.

H and I will be sharing equal residency so ds would essentially be moving into a new home.

Thanks for reading

If you separate now, he has two months to get used to the new arrangements, before the next big change. Two months to a very young child feels like a long time, so I'd go for that option if I were you.

BUT I'd try to do it as gently as possible, so if your ex gets the keys to his new place say next week, then he shouldn't move out lock stock and barrel immediately, but over the course of a couple of weeks, and your ds should build up visits to his dad's house till he's used to spending part of the week with you and part with his dad.

Congratulations to you both for managing the split without undue acrimony - it's incredibly hard for most people to achieve that, all credit to both of you.

Do it now. The more of his life you can keep consistent the better as I am sure you can already see.

Thanks both.

The only problem is that is couldn't be 'now' iyswim? He still has to find a suitable house to rent, sort money etc so it would be creeping closer to September.

We didn't seperate but moved from one end of country to the other less than 2 months before DD started reception, she is also shy and sensitive and knew noone when she started as summer holidays not the best time to meet people but she astounded us with her resilience and settled in really well, I would also say sooner was better 2 months is a long time to a little person.

Thanks for these thoughts. I guess it is partly out of our hands too.