For those of you who have left unhappy relationships ...

[TheRealPerson]

For those of you who do not know, I have been living in an unhappy relationship (controlling P) for around a year now. After much advice on here, I have finally got my arse into gear and am planning an exit.

I have found a housing company that specialises in housing benefit claimants and whilst the houses are not in the best of areas, it could be alot worse. I am waiting for an email back from them.

But for those of you who have already left, did you find it was the little things that kept you motivated?

My eldest son (11) is the only person who knows of my plan. Maybe a bit too much to put on a young head but he's mature and I felt he deserved to know that I was doing something about our unhappy arrangements. Anyway we were around asda last night and he saw a New York canvas picture and asked if he could have things like that when we moved. This really excited me for some reason! The ability to buy little things like that whenever I wanted. For DS to have the stuff he wants without others whinging about it being "unfair" etc.

Did anyone else feel like this about leaving?

I know what you mean.

I didn't leave a marriage, my H left me for OW. But since he's gone I have decorated the sitting room how I wanted it. I got the curtains that I wanted over a year ago - he didn't like them. I have also decorated my bedroom very pink and girlie - have to have girlie room when you've got 4 DSs.

It has been quite theraputic and liberating. Also kept me occupied and not dwelling on things.

Good luck!

it is the small things....be able to resecorate or simply move the furniture around

i found being able to go out when i wanted to without asking or having to justify it quite liberating. life is definately better without XDP

I got excited about the fact that if I felt like eating cocopops for breakfast lunch and dinner and go out on the piss every night I could (no kids at that time)

Keep going girl!

My favourite thing about getting out of a shitty relationship was just the..peace. The quiet peace of knowing that my life wouldn't revolve around anything other than my boys and my needs.

For anyone thinking of leaving on a tight budget. Plan ahead!!! Buy all the school uniform you need for the next 12 months buy them big.
Make sure you've got plenty underwear, toiletries etc. Things can get messy but at the end of the day if it belongs to the kids it still belongs to the kids. If it belongs to you, your partner has a right to half. So stock up on your undies girls, dont think he will want his share of them. Its the little things that make a hell of a differrence when you have to watch every single penny, I promise you.

Have a look at this thread .Why I am Happier as a Lone Parent.

Nearly a year after leaving my controlling ex, I still feel a shiver of delight at leaving the washing up.

Every morning when I get up and push open the Living Room Door, it is empty, clean and peaceful. No drunk man lying on the sofa in a pool of spilt beer and the tv or stereo blaring out.

I don't think I will ever stop feeling a little burst of happiness each and every morning I am able to do that.