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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

is it time for divorce now?

7 replies

single1ds · 27/06/2010 15:04

Hi
I have been separated a year now and am a single parent. been to relate both together and apart and my relate councellor who met him basically said to me that i am wasting my time with him and i will "flourish" if i make it final. we have been together 13 yrs, married 5. child 2.7.
he is highly qualified and has a really good job. since becoming a mum and working part time he just has no respect for me or my opinions. the relate councellor told him that, to which he argued with her. he walked out with out telling me renting a flat.
he just dismisses me and shakes his head like i am a child. yet last night i got a text saying he loves me but love isnt bullet proof and it is too damamged. today i went to work and have been invited out this afternoon. 1st time in ages. i got dressed up and when son wakes up he wil be coming too. when he droppedson off, he looked me up and down and just looked blank. he didnt say have a nice time he didnt seem bothered. i dont think it is a case of he is now showing it, i just really think he isnt. i got house valued last week. it makes me son angry and frustrated then sad and devestated. it is just killing me but i have lived like this for a year.i am tempted to file for divorce but am petrified of the process.any advise welcome x

OP posts:
JuJusDad · 28/06/2010 08:27

Do it.

He sounds emotionally abusive, unfortunately. And as a result, it is likely that (in the short to medium term at least) you will need to lock down what's going to happen wrt finances, maintenance, contact, etc.

At very least, go have a long talk with a good family solicitor.

AnyFucker · 28/06/2010 08:29

Yes

Loonybird · 28/06/2010 09:37

Message deleted

PrettyFeckinVacant · 28/06/2010 12:40

I would say do it.

If you start the process then you are in control of the speed of it. If your h starts the process, and he could, then he will be in the driving seat.

single1ds · 28/06/2010 13:39

thank you all, i am ringing solicitors today x

OP posts:
JuJusDad · 28/06/2010 16:30

What Loony and PFV said, especially wrt being in control of the situation.

I'd suggest you also consider a trip to your local Women's Aid. It's not nice to have it confirmed that you're in / have been in an abusive relationship, but at least it underlines that you can and must move on from it for the sake of yourself and your dc.

Loonybird · 13/08/2010 19:31

Agree with JuJusDad talk to Women's Aid. WA offer various levels of support not only shelter.

They are on 0808 8010800 which I believe is free from an Orange Mob.

Let us know how you're getting on.

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