he wants it to end

[spottedsock]

will try to keep this brief
DP and I had an almighty argument at 5am after coming home from a party. DP very drunk and me sober. I had been chatting to a woman we know about how we met and the way I described my first impression of him seems to have really really hurt him. I didn't think it was that bad but obviously I was wrong. TBH I think this was a catalyst for a bigger argument. Should say here we have been together 7 years, living together for half of it. No DCs, but have been talking about TTC. DP has been unemployed for 2 years and, I think, depressed.

DP said we should split up. Initially seemed on the basis of the overheard comment, but then just said he wasn't happy, and for a long time (years) feels we have been "kidding ourselves". That a lot of the time it is great, but other times doesn't feel right. He also thinks I feel the same and this silly comment confirmed that. He was quite clear that he thinks it "likely" we will now split up. I have told him I only want to be with him if he really wants to be with me.

He says he feels trapped (due to not working) and finds it hard to imagine being together at 70. BTW he proposed to me a year ago when drunk but next day asked if we could wait until he has money before telling people.

Needless to say I am devastated. We were both crying and talking and gave up about 8am. He has gone to sleep on the sofa.

I don't know what to do next. Things are hard sometimes but I can't imagine not being with him, having children with him. I love him so much. He is sleeping AFAIK.

bumping

I suppose I am just asking if it is clear to anyone what to do? Is there any hope of saving things, or should I give up? He says he loves me. Now I am wondering if that is true, or if it is enough.

my love, before you do anything else, try and get some sleep! you have now both been up all night, you are both overwrought and exhusted - having a argument/discussion etc. when one of you is drunk is never a good idea.

when you are both rested, maybe try and have a talk then - it is also worth remembering that alcohol is a depressant, the last thing your dp needs if he is already feeling low.

good luck.

oh thanks.

your post made me cry. I have had three hours sleep

I am just worried that he said he thinks about this other times. Don't know if it is the depression, isolation etc or how he really feels

Don't talk about it today. Be calm and cheerful (as much as you can manage with the lack of sleep). Let him get over his killer hangover. While hes doing that, get a pen and paper and work out the practicalities of splitting up ie who moves out, who owns what (at least you are unmarried and childfree). This doesn;t mean you have to split but it is always as well to be as fully informed as possible.
Is he getting treatment for his depression? Has he had a diagnosis or is it possibly just self-pity thats wrong with him?
TBH he sounds like no prize - you;ve been carrying his whiny arse for three years or more.
Oh and FFS put of the TTC for a while. The ast thing you want is to get PG and then have him maoning that he;s 'not sure' all the way through.

sorry darling, i din't mean to make you cry!

as to what he said, he was drunk, he got the wrong end of the stick and basically went off on one - maybe he does have some problems with your relationship, i don't know, all you can do is wait to speak to him when he is sober, rested and in a coherant frame of mind. people say and do all sorts of stupid things they don't really mean when they are drunk.

thanks a lot to you both.

things much better now as he has woken up and apologised and we want to continue our relationship. Which may require some work.

He has also at last recognised that he has depression. He was diagnosed 3 years ago but has blanked it out and refused treatment. I think he is at such a low point he can't fight it any more.He is going to go back to GP. Obviously TTC is on ice for the mo.

gl spotted

thanks

OP, Glad you are sorting things out. Incidentely, why has he not worked for two years?