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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Burying his head in the sand & drinking

9 replies

Jaffa1972 · 27/06/2010 10:23

Wondered other peoples views on this and if all men are the same??

My boyfriend of two years, both with previous marriages still hides our relationship from his family, his ex is aware that he is seeing someone and knows her kids spend time with both of us, and although i know she's not happy about it has done nothing to interfere and is just making sure he does what he needs to about the kids, I also understand that and know that they come first.

I'm now pregnant and just for once want to be perhaps a bit more important than anything else going on, its probably heightened emotions and me feeling weepy but I just feel like all he's bothered about is how his parents are going to react to it all.

They are fairly religious and don't think him and his ex should have split up, they speak to his ex all the time and all treat him like some small child, he lets them, he plays on his depression and plays the victim I guess so they don't all have a go at him.

His business when down the pan 4 months ago and he's not working, drinking alot every night and has starting taking coke again at the weekends, he's 40 and I feel he needs to grow a set of b**ls and deal with everything and his life choices now.

I have had 2 years of his on and off depression which is made worse by the drinking but then feel guilty if i think about leaving it all behind and chalking it up to experience.

I'm going mad....!!!

OP posts:
Snorbs · 27/06/2010 10:54

No, not all men play the victim to friends and family, lie, drink heavily every night and do coke every weekend.

The relatively small proportion of 40yo men that do behave like this are universally known as "losers".

You may well feel he needs to grow a set of balls and grow up. On the other hand, he's made it to 40 without needing to so. He's got someone to look after his children, he's got his parents to pat him on the head and do the "there, there" bit, and he's got you to look after him and suck his cock every now and then.

What's in it for him to grow up? It would cut into his drinking and drugging opportunities. Incidentally, how is he paying for all the booze and coke?

What's in it for you to continue to carry him like this?

Jaffa1972 · 27/06/2010 11:05

Ouch....!!

I know you're right though I guess.

OP posts:
AttilaTheMeerkat · 27/06/2010 11:16

Jaffa

If you truly want to sort your life out he will not be in it in any way, shape or form.

What made you choose someone like this 40 year old loser, what is in this relationship for you?. What do you get out of this now?. You do not give your age but my guess too is that you're at least 10 years younger than him. I can see nothing of benefit to you (and your unborn child by him) here; you're just now enabling him like everyone else around him has done to date.

AnyFucker · 27/06/2010 19:52

absolutely what snorbs said

harsh...but true

OP...why on earth did you think it a good idea to raise a child with this immature, spoiled idiot ?

AnyFucker · 27/06/2010 19:54

and no, not all men are like this

if I came across a man-child like this, I would run a fucking mile

you will have to baby him for the rest of his life...not an attractive prospect

innerstrength · 27/06/2010 20:18

Jaffa. Congratulations on your pregnancy. You have to think of yourself and the baby now and GET RID of this man. Everything you have said about him made me think 'get out get out get out'.

You cannot bring a baby into this sort of environment - coke taking - drinking - not even telling his family about you (so I take it he is also telling lots of LIES).

You can do it Jaffa. End this relationship now, and start a new lovely life on your own where you can enjoy your pregnancy without this horrible stress. Lots of women do it on their own, and are very happy doing so. Your friends will help you.

innerstrength · 27/06/2010 20:19

Frankly I am thinking more and more that once they have impregnated you, there is no point to the fuckers anyway (men, that is)

VictoriasLittleKnownSecret · 27/06/2010 20:24

You will gain nothing from this relationship and lose a lot.

Sorry

innerstrength · 28/06/2010 20:38

How are you feeling about it all today Jaffa?

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