Hurt and confused

[whoknows2010]

My partner of many years and father of my children has told me he is fed up with life and feels he is missing out on things. He claims he still loves me and the children but doesnt know whether he wants to be with us anymore, I do believe me when he says he loves us but is that enough to keeps us together?

I really hope its just itchy feet related to a major birthday coming up but the more time goes on the more scared I am that he will leave us and we will end up homeless and in a life without him.

What the hell am i supposed to do? Sit here and wait for him to sort his brain out on his own? Keep talking or just give him space? Send him to the docs to get checked for depression?(it has been going on a long time apparently)

I just feel so helpless and like he holds all the cards, he is a really nice bloke and feels bad for putting me through all of this but I cant understand how you can love someone and not want to be with them and pray to God that this is just a temporary blip.

Thanks for reading this far, i dont know why I have written this really, I suppose I just need advice and reassurance from people who have been through a similar experience.

What "things" does he feel he is missing out on ? Why can't he do these things ? What about you "missing" out on things?

You really need to talk properly to him, maybe he doesn't know what the problem is. Have a read of this and it might help you both understand if it is some sort of "midlife" crisis.

Good luck.

Thanks for replying counting that link was very helpful indeed, the description of the feeligs at the start seem to match perfectly with what he says he feels.

Apparently he doesn't know what he feels he is missing out on for the most part but that there must be "more to life".
I am worried that he will do something rash suh as walking out on his family while he is thinking this way then regret it for the rest of his life.

What do I do now?

My DH had a major "crisis" culminating in an affair. I really wished I had realised what was going on in his head and that he had realised what was going on.

Has your DH any issues from childhood that he hasn't properly dealt with because that is a key reason for finding it hard to deal with midlife because these issues seem to come back and "bite" them on the bum. My DH had a pretty awful childhood that he hadn't fully confronted etc. If he does started to "go off the rails" try not to get drawn into the drama etc of it all. Try and detach and protect yourself, emotionally, financially etc. Hopefully it won't come to that (like in my case ).

Try and get out and have some fun together (without the DC preferably) - I personally think that we all get very tired when we have young DC and work etc that we all need to get away from it even if only for a couple of days.

One of the things my DH and I am trying to do is things that we used to enjoy in our childhood/teens etc, I've just started horseriding again after 20 years and it has been so rewarding and enjoyable, taken me away from the grindstone etc. Think of yourself too, it's not just about him.

I think everything has got too much for him, he works long hours, two very small children and a lot of things have gone on in the last six months or so, I think his brain has gone into meltdown. He claims to not know what he feels about anything at the moment and he is just functioning instead of living.

It is good advice about trying to detatch myself but not possible at the moment as I am a SAHM. I offered to work to take some of the pressure of him but he said taking me away from the children would add to his guilt and make him worse. So until he has got his head sorted my future is uncertain (that probably sounds very selfish when the person I love is having a breakdown)

I will try to get a babysitter as much as possible and start to focus on having fun again together, taking him away from the normal humdrum life for a while will probably help in the short term and I am going to try to get him to the docs to check for depression and possibly get him councilling.