Where to start with this and keep you interested until the end? I really need advice before I drive myself to the brink of insanity!
I met my current partner three years ago. I had moved to a city with my best friend and my daughter and life was extremely happy. I had been in a destructive relationship two years previous but had managed to get my life back together and decided the move would be beneficial for my daughter and I. My best friend is a closet gay and he was happy to move from our small town. I had no interest in a relationship and was probably a little "put off" and had no void to fill.
However within two months I had met someone. Not my usual type but when you have gotten things wrong before you have to keep an open mind. He was quiet, successful and took me on special dates. I was wooed. I met him once a week and did not introduce him to daughter for 7 months. When i was sure that I was letting him into our lives. I always had an inkling that there was soemthing with him, I did wonder for a while if he was gay as we very rarely slept together, the first time was after 6 months but I thought he was being a gentleman. He had a temper, never violence and always over silly things.
My best friend then decided to trip around the world.... boyfriend suggested that we move in together after 18 months of dating. We did. had a great place but he became distant and after three months declared that he had to go to another city at the opposite end of the country, to work. He would travel home at weekends! I started to feel that all was not quite right..... then he proposed. I thought that I was paranoid and was delighted. All the plans were made and the wedding booked. Boyfriend then said that we should move to the city of his work place.... three months later, I left my job, daughter left her school and we moved. Due to the bad weather we were snowed in boyfriends flat in the city and not able to move to the new house. i was ordering daughters uniform and found Adultworks.com in the history.. not what I was expecting from beginning to typr the site for Asda! I was horrified and all my fears started to come together, this was shy he didn't sleep with me, as he was into something far more seedy. I said nothing! we moved to the house, deep in the country and isolated. He began to act more and more distant... I confronted him about the website. I tried to be understanding about it as opposed to confrontational. he left! then he came back after a few days and then he left. Then he said he wanted to call off the wedding. Then after two days and a night away came back in tears begging for it all to be back on. I genuinely felt sorry for him. WHat was making him act so irrational? Well to cut to the chase he then called off the wedding and cancelled the venue etc. He left again for two weeks and then came back - after I begged (ridiculous I know but i felt desperate... was in a strange place away from family and friends and I just couldn't make sense of his behaviour).
I told him that I thought he was insecure and as a result seeked a release from strangers... he told me that I was wrong and selfish for thinking such things.
Well I got an email at work (he had told me when he had left that I would need to get self sufficient asap and think about putting my name down for a council house as he would not support me any longer than he had to. Therefore got a job pretty smartish, after finding care for my daughter). The e-mail said that he was sorry to tell me this way but that he was a regular visitor to fetish clubs! I had no idea what this was and was more than shocked to find out. I believe each to their own but I don't believe in being deceitful to others. He said that he was "interested in the aesthetics of PVC and latex" and that "I have not had intercourse with anyone that I have met but cannot lie that there has been no contact".
When he came home we sat and talked and I did not get angry. I said it must be horrible to be disgusted in yourself but told him that his behaviour was due to keeping secrets and trying to be the person he believes is normal.
I was met with appreciation for being understanding.
That was two weeks ago. Last night he got angry with me again because I asked why he came home at 7pm and stated he was ill and going to bed... then went into the study and sat on the computer.
I would like to hear views. I know that I have to leave but I suppose I am hoping this will be like a therapy. Questions most welcome also - or if anyone has had a similar experience. there is so much more to this story but I tried (ha ha) to keep it simple.