Right thing to separate?

[TBC123]

I have asked my husband for a separation. Married for 6 years, DD aged 3.

I made the decision because could not cope with DH stonewalling which now goes on for months - 4 months out of last 11. He used to stonewall after rows, then just started doing it out of the blue.

We did relate for 6 months.

I have asked him to get individual counselling - he has not.

Really don't want to live with him any more.

But...

Worried about:

Distress of DD (TBH she is already a bit stressed by tension in the house, which we keep as low as possible by barely speaking to each other and spending as little time as possible together).

Financial implications

Neither of us have family close by to help us.

Acrimonious divorce - since I asked for separation he has not really spoken to me, but has talked about our lawyers speaking to each other etc

It's always hard to tell people what they should do in this sort of situation. It is a big decision that will affect your life and your DD's life big time. If you are sure that in the long run it will be beneficial to you both then maybe you have your answer.

Finances may be hard but are not a good reason to stay in an unhappy relationship.

Tbh, it sounds like you've made your decision and are looking for confirmation.

Hi, you have quite a lot to sort out!

On the legal side, you need to get a solicitor on board asap to make sure that you get what you're entitled to. If you want to post a bit more info on the financial and divorce side, I can happily advise here, but you also need to go to www.resolution.org.uk to find a local family specialist. To check whether you're entitiled to public funding (legal aid), you might want to go to the eligibility calculator for "legal help" on the legal services commission website.

On the emotional side, when you say stonewalling, do y ou mean that your h doesn't talk to you? If so, then however upsetting that is, it's got to be better for your dd than screaming and shouting at each other. Unfortunately you may have to both carry on living under the same roof until the divorce proceedings are well underway.

Really, try not to worry too much. Everything will be sorted out but I do strongly recommend that your first port of call is to get a solicitor. Most will offer a free half hour so try 2 or 3 to find a good "fit", ie one you feel you can talk to and who knows their stuff.

Essence - I think I will be much happier separated, but not sure about DD. If we did not have her, there would be no question of staying together.

Mumblechum - I have already seen a solicitor (found through resolution website). Not entitled to legal aid, so it is expensive.

I work 4 days a week and am by far the biggest earner. DH looks after DD 3 of the days I work. After DD was born I worked 3 days a week, and my DH full time. He found job stressful so left 16 months ago and I increased to 4 days. He now works variable hours a week 6-8 maybe (but is paid quite well for that).

He wants me to pay his rent so he can carry on looking after DD 3 days a week, but my solicitor said not to because it would be viewed as maintenance and I could end up paying it forever.

TBC - YES YES, you are definitely doing the right thing; it is a strong decision to make, and you are clearly very unhappy in this relationship. Stay strong, there may be a rough ride ahead but you will come through it. And please don't worry about DD, this will also be much better for her in the long run.