Am i just being over sensitive or is my dh being a b*****d ?

[fakeblondie]

I am currently 41 weeks pregnant with our 4th child.
Weve been together over 20 years. Both have good jobs financially ok and 3 healthy kids. OK marriage to date - usual juggling of above but a good marriage overall. Hes never been into pregnancy for want of a better word.
Hes a great dad and does what he needs to during pregnancy but is honedt and doesnt cosy upand talk to bump ect. This baby was planned but tbh 98% by me. After 7 years of asking him he agreed. Im 40 he`s 44 and i conceived on 1st try !

Hes pretty much ignored me throughout the whole of my pregnancy-says he cant get his head around it but not to worry hell be ok when its born !
The thing is i know hes right. He will fall head over heels-hell dote on the baby and do everything out of genuine love for his new child.

The thing is i feel like he has completely looked on me as a freak this time.
He hasnt touched me. He wont have sex. Says i shouldnt keepasking because he just cant when im pregnant ! (It was every day with the last dc ! ). I can understand that but he wont touch me-hes never seen my bump or kissed me or once felt him/kick.

I feel like im asking too much , because he comes in and makes tea when im tired, he wont allow the other dc to upset me, he great i every preactical way and keepstelling me i should be grateful.

Truth is i`d sometimes rather he asked me how I was and the baby and gave me a cuddle or maybe came to scan.

he has ignored the actualpregnancy to such an extent that our dd`s 17 and 14 say the B word in front of him because they know he wonteven say the whole word baby-it just wont come out of his mouth ! Thery talk about the b word as soon as thery get in because they are so excited and he just geys up and walks out.

Its pissing me off now.
I feel like barring him from the delivery room (childish i know ) because its as if hes going toplay the doting father and turn up pretending like hes given a stuff for 9 months. Hes watched me struggle these past few nights and last night i asked himif hed put come cream on my feet as i couldnt reach them and they were really cracked ans painful and he told me to ask one of the kids he didnt DO feet !

Hmm, sounds like he's really struggling to come to terms with the fact that a baby's going to arrive any day now!

I can only think of two reasons for his behaviour off the top of my head;

1. He's worried about the age thing, that he'll be 60 when the little one is still a young teen

1. That, again related to the age thing, that there may be a problem with the baby. Have you had all the downs tests etc? Perhaps that's what's frightening him.

I'm sorry he's being so unsupportive. Hope he bucks his ideas up when the baby arrives.

Hope also that everything goes well, and congratulations in advance!

Yes, at least this bit is nearly over, and if he behaves well once the baby is here, I think you just have to get over it and move on. Sounds like he might be a bit resentful at being urged into the decision to have another baby.

If he doesn't pull his socks up once the baby is here, the two of you will have to do some more intensive work on your marriage - maybe Relate or something.

Is it that he had hoped his baby rearing days were over and that he'd have you a bit more to himself now that your other children are older ?? You do say this baby was 98% more planned by you than him ...

You are not being over sensitive and your dh is not being a bastard. He wasn't 100% behind you so it shouldn't be too much of a surprise that he is not all excited about the baby. However, your other children should not have censor what they say and should ignore his behaviour and they should say baby baby baby whenever they want!

Talk to him, tell him how you are feeling. Don't row, too exciting a time to spoil.

Is it possible that he didn't want another child and waited until he thought you wouldn't be able to fall pregnant to 'agree' so now he is in a position he doesn't expect?

Good point MuminBeds

My DH wasn't too keen on having another baby for different reasons (we lost 2nd DS in 2008 through stillbirth and our 1st DS was born at 28 weeks so watched him through glass for 7 weeks).

I desperately wanted to try once more to give our DS a sibling but he was set againstt it. In the end i said i wasn't going to 'remind him' to use condoms and if he really didn't want to concieve then it was up to him to put them on. We conceived 4 months later.

Throughout the whole pregnancy we both struggled. DH never touched bump wouldn't buy anything, talk about it etc etc. Not the theextent of your DH as did come to every appointment etc but really did struggle with it. For DH it was fear of losing our baby again but once his daughter was born he completey changed and from day one has been the doting dad with her. so what i'm trying to say is that i'm sure it'll be fine once baby is born and i really wouldn't ban him from the delivery suite. Seeing his baby come into the world is such a special occasion and if he missed it could find bonding with him/her evenmore difficult.

Good luck for the birth xxx

If you are not feeling supported now through the pg then I don't see how you'll feel any differesnt at the birth tbh.
My ex was like this but I realise now it was part of his lack of power and control thing.
He was horrible at the birth and I shouldn't have had him there.

So asdvice from me is tell how you feel that as he has not made you feel secure and supported you will be anxious about having him at the birth.

BUT be prepared for him to say ok then. How would you feel about that. If fine then that's good but if you want him there I would let him know how you want him to bethere for you.

It sounds as though he really did not want another baby and only gave in after you had nagged him about it for 7 years! In those circumstances I would not expect him to be 'into' the pregnancy. You seem fairly certain he will be fine when baby is born so I think you just have to accept that. Some men are not touchy feely with the bump - mine wasn't. And tbh, I wasn't either really! It spooked me out when mine moved/kicked etc. And I never, ever, expected or wanted him to 'cosy up and talk to the bump'.

You want him to do what you want him to do, but you didn't respect his wishes about another baby did you? So why should he pretend to be all enthusiastic about a pregnancy he clearly did not want in the first place?

I don't think he sounds a B*** You have three children, including two teenagers and he's 44. He wasn't keen on another child but after seven years you talked him round. Maybe he didn't think you would conceive, but I bet he didn't think you would conceive the first time! He's probably in shock.

He probably thought your years of juggling would soon be over, now they are starting all over again.

I think you should consider yourself very lucky to be having this baby and certainly not punish him. I bet he will come up trumps in the fatherhood dept. although maybe this is your warning not to plan on having no. 5...

Hope it all goes well. At least the teens are old enough to help out!