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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Casual relationship or none at all?? What do I do?

2 replies

mrsshapelybottom · 24/06/2010 11:34

I've been single for 18 months since my marraige ended (my exH had a drinking problem & was not interested in me sexually) and since then I've had quite a few casual flings. I really enjoyed these as it meant I could scratch an itch without getting emotionally involved.

In February I met someone on a dating site and we spent about a month chatting & texting before meeting up. We had an amazing time together and he was the first guy I met that I didn't want to have just a casual thing with. Unfortunately he didn't feel the same & I got quite hurt.

I've since met another guy last month, I have been cautious this time, just met for a coffee the first time and ended up having a lovely kiss Since then, we've been chatting a lot and planned to meet this weekend for a night together. I have realised that I have pretty strong feelings for him too, and I can't understand why since I barely know him. I've cancelled our night together because I'm scared of getting hurt again (I can't seem to have casual sex any more without feelings getting in the way!)

I think that I'm past the casual thing and am looking for something more serious but the thought of getting mixed up in a proper relationship scares the pants off me. I like my freedom but I also have a high sex drive and can't seem to stay away from men completely.

I was enjoying the casual partners, but it seems I'm not in the right headspace any more for that. Also, I wonder if my self esteem has been so damaged by my past relationships that I let myself fall for the first guy who shows me kindness. How do I work out what's going on in my head?

Please, does anyone have any words of wisdom? Am I better to just stay away from guys for the time being?

Sorry, this turned into a novel!

OP posts:
elastamum · 24/06/2010 12:29

Hi, It doesnt sound like you want just casual sex and you might be better to hold out for what you do want. Go out with men but be clear in your own head and to them what you are really looking for.

Dont rush things. Relationships take a while to build and the right man will hang in there. Also, you wont get what you really need by just sleeping with them. If thats not what they want then they will walk and you should just let them go. BTW am in the same boat. Single at 46 and have decided that I am just to old to shag around and hope something better comes of it. Good luck

mrsshapelybottom · 24/06/2010 12:56

thanks EM, I think you are spot on. It's a shock to think that I might be looking for a relationship since I've done my best to avoid that so far....on the one hand I love being in charge of my own life (as much as you can with 3 kids!) but part of me kind of panics that it's time to buy a shitload of cats

Hope something better happens for you.

OP posts:
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