I've been single for 18 months since my marraige ended (my exH had a drinking problem & was not interested in me sexually) and since then I've had quite a few casual flings. I really enjoyed these as it meant I could scratch an itch without getting emotionally involved.
In February I met someone on a dating site and we spent about a month chatting & texting before meeting up. We had an amazing time together and he was the first guy I met that I didn't want to have just a casual thing with. Unfortunately he didn't feel the same & I got quite hurt.
I've since met another guy last month, I have been cautious this time, just met for a coffee the first time and ended up having a lovely kiss Since then, we've been chatting a lot and planned to meet this weekend for a night together. I have realised that I have pretty strong feelings for him too, and I can't understand why since I barely know him. I've cancelled our night together because I'm scared of getting hurt again (I can't seem to have casual sex any more without feelings getting in the way!)
I think that I'm past the casual thing and am looking for something more serious but the thought of getting mixed up in a proper relationship scares the pants off me. I like my freedom but I also have a high sex drive and can't seem to stay away from men completely.
I was enjoying the casual partners, but it seems I'm not in the right headspace any more for that. Also, I wonder if my self esteem has been so damaged by my past relationships that I let myself fall for the first guy who shows me kindness. How do I work out what's going on in my head?
Please, does anyone have any words of wisdom? Am I better to just stay away from guys for the time being?
Sorry, this turned into a novel!