Interesting article on cheating

[bronze]

ok its in the mail but its an interesting read (one of the best mail articles I've read)

here

so if you've been cheated on remember you are more attractive and more intelligent!

scary article. cheating men really are rats.

"Like most of the mistresses I met, she barely had two brain cells to rub together." Nice!
However, one thing that was pointed out which is probably true for a lot of women and men is that we measure ourselves against the person we are with rather than who we are alone. ("I used to feel good about myself because I thought I had a husband who loved me and was faithful. Now that?s all gone. Even though I know he?s to blame, I?ll never feel as good about myself again.")

The article echoes Lundy Bancroft, doesn't it? They do because they can get away with it. And they get away with it because their women believe themselves incomplete without a man. They believe that because our society still tells women they must struggle to keep a man - not the other way around!

"When she discovered her husband was having an affair, even her own family suggested she was partly to blame. ?You shouldn?t have let yourself go,? they tutted."
That happened to me. I was pregnant, he'd been having an affair for over a year. Everybody except one friend told me it was because I'd put on weight. Never mind the fact that he'd been treating me like shit - and cheating - for all of our 12 years together. There was a 'fault' in me - so they preferred to focus on that

The author says "The secret to keeping your man faithful couldn?t be simpler: be confident, demand attention and make it clear he is lucky to have you and won?t get a second chance."

We are STILL not teaching our daughters this!

He says men cheat because women put up with it, but only a small minority have ever been caught

Well, Secunda, there's a post on the 'suspicious' thread, here, where the writer says she discovered her H hadn't stayed at the hotel he told her he'd be at. She decided not to worry about it. [shrugs]

I have a philandering brother. His wife throws hissy fits now & again, but never actually does anything. We all know she never will. [sighs]

And I tolerated X#1's cheating until it got ridiculous. My, how I've changed.

Maybe I'm naive. I've had suspicions now and then (don't we all?) as I do now.

I can't help but think he wouldn't do that to me. Ok, I'm naive......

Anyway what's wrong with The Mail? It could be worse - you could have to buy The Irish Daily Mail!!!

As I've said before, I (privately, unbeknownst to DP) don't really expect fidelity. My parents are divorced and I don't want that for my kids. I would probably put up with quite a few 'suspicions' to keep them in their family home with their mum and dad.

I agree with you completely Secunda. I don't "expect" fidelity.

Unlike yourself I have told him that if he finds somebody he loves more than me then to just end our relationship (even with DCs.) It would be more acceptable, to me, than to put up with knowing what he was doing when not at home IYSWIM.

But if it was just a "one night stand" not sure I could cope with that....

Erm, women have affairs too. That article's a load of poor-me-I'm-a-nice-man bollocks (shoot any woman with longer hair than you in case your husband suddenly fucks her, indeed...).

OK, this article is not telling us anything new...we ALL know that men have affairs because they can.
And they can get away with it because their wives , girlfriens, partners are so busy looking after them and their kids, they just do not notice when DH starts acting weird, as in affair mode.
I don't give a toss who the man is, if he thinks he can sleep around and get away with it....he will.
He is only sorry when he gets caught.
We should do what oter countries do to unfaithful wives....stone them, or better still, castrate them.
Sorry, pet hate (cheating H's).

Yes - and this article pre-supposes that all the women these men are having affairs with are single. Thought it was a ludicrously narrow stereotype of the OW too - long-haired singleton with low intelligence and a liking for trinkets!

I stand corrected. The piece was cliched & predictable. I still like his advice to be confident, demanding & definite!

I also don't know how he personally knows all three members of the triangle, husband, wife and mistress, and therefore how can he judge whether the wives were more attractive or cleverer than the mistresses . I reckon loads of the examples are made up to prove his 'point' tbh.

Given his stereotypes, I'm fairly convinced he just had a chat with a few banker friends and their trophy mistresses.

I though the article was rubbish, by the way. he only deals with one type of cheat and supposes that's how it all works. But it's like saying everyone who murders will go on to be a serial killer if they don't get caught the first time. Whereas some people are genuinely horrified at the damage their behaviour has caused to both others and their own self image and would never do it again, caught or not.

There have been several examples on here recently of women who want to confess as the guilt is so great...

The readers' comments are fascinating. Quote of the week imo (mainly because I've said the same thing myself ): "Reality check time. For every cheating man there is a cheating woman or one who colludes with him. It takes two to tango. Either that or there are a very few sporting women who keep very busy."

Ditto "After all, murder is natural too but there are laws against that."

Also extremely entertained by ""Tis better to have loved and lost than live with the psycho the rest of your life""

Ain't it the truth!

A lot of the others are quite disturbing though...

It's so hard to end a relationship following infidelity. Your self-esteem is at an all time low because of the act itself (affair) and facing singledom and going it alone can feel so hard at this point in particular.

I did it and I'm fairly sure X wont fuck another woman over. He lost everything. Had I let him stay I am fairly certain he would have gone on to fuck me over time and again because on some level, he would have seen it as permissive. It wasn't a game I was willing to entertain!

I think so much of society's response to affairs is unhelpful. With the willingness of others to keep the secret (sometimes even encourage such behaviour), as with any type of abuse, it continues.

There is no shame on you in your partner having an affair, yet the feelings of shame for the betrayed can be immense.

The sooner affairs are more widely recognised as an act of abuse, the better.

I threw out my cheating ex after THREE affairs! Each time I caught him he begged for forgiveness and said it would nver happen again. I got to despise him and didnt believe a word he said. When the last one happened he said it was 'all my fault for not being a good enough wife'. A number of my married girlfriends suggested I should turn a blind eye, but it is like slow death by a thousand cuts to be married to a man like that. Now as a single parent my life is much harder but happier and more simple. And guess what - he is about to marry again