mother daughter relationships

[addictedishavingagirl]

bit of back ground...

as a teenager i didnt get on with my mum, were very similar people and always seemed to be arguning. i never believed that she had my best intrests at heart and used to resent the decisions she made on my behalf.
i have since grown up, moved out, got married and am now expecting a baby of my own.

since moving out i have come to greatly respect my mum and the decisions she made for me, and we've become really close. shes one of my best friends and if i have a big problem, other than dh, the only person i will take advice from and actually listen to! i should also add that i dont have many other friends, especially not close friends.

i live about 80 miles away from my mum and dont get to see her as much as i would like. i also have a 6 week old sister and a 3yo brother who i miss lots and as a result speak to my mum on the phone every day, often 2 or 3 times a day as its so hetic i often forget why i phoned her or she phoned me!

i was talking to someone i know about mother daughter relationships and said how i really wanted the same relationship i have with my dd as i have with my mum. (although i understand, if shes anything like me, it may taker her moving out to get that relationship! ) in saying how close we were i mentioned to the person how often i talk to my mum on the phone.

her response has really shocked me. she said that i was obviously too attached to my mum and vice versa she relied on me too much and i needed to 'cut the apron strings' and stop phoning her. she also said i needed to make other 'real' friends as my mum wont be around forever. (shes only 45 so not that old, and no one is going to be around forever!)

i just wondered what your opinion was on this. as i said i see my mum as one of my best friends and not so much as a 'mum'

am i too attached? is this an unusual relationship?

i forgot to do a spell check. sorry

any relationship that brings you joy should be encouraged and cherished. you friend clearly has ishoos of her own.

enjoy your relationship with your mom

thank you frikonastick. i'm just suddenly being all paranoid about it, thinking that maybe i am too needy or attached to the apron strings.

My mum is my friend. From what she hears from her friends, a close mother-daughter relationship isn't strange. Many mothers/daughters speak every day on the phone. We often do, although not all the time because otherwise our conversations go round in circles and it's irritating.

But, apart from DP, I would say she is my best friend. She's really been there when I've needed her and I'm proud to say I've been able to do the same for her. I really don't know what I'll do without her.

BTW - I'm very independant and live in a different country from my mum so I'm not at all attached to her apron strings! I've managed to do many things without her, but it's nice to chat to her on the phone and ask advice, even if she can't help in any specific way.

My DDs and I are very close we talk on the phone everyday sometimes 6 times. Older DDs DD goes to the same school as my DS. We are totally involved in each others lives.

I do worry sometimes that she would be devastated when I am no longer here. I am not as close to my DM as I was when I was a child and thought that was natural to move away and create my own family.

I have come to the conclusion that we should just enjoy the wonderful relationship that we have. I have decided that extreme grief is the price we pay for truly loving.

I think your friend is being silly and probably has some problems with her mum. Would someone (for example) really say you should not speak to your DP every day or you are only allowed to speak to your children once a fortnight when they turn 21? I think any loving relationship is to be valued and made the most of.

I'm very close to my mum. She is in her 60s, so older than yours but I would much rather value the time I have with her than try and distance myself now.

I think your relationship with your mum sounds great, and how lovely that you will both have little babies at the same time - not many people get to share that with their mothers!

Maybe your friend didn't really understand the whole picture?

No, your relationship with your mum sounds fabulous and one to be admired. Don't doubt yourself.

I do not speak to my mum and was raised by an abusive gran, so my experience of female family relationships is odd. I hope so much that my dd thinks as much of me as you do of your mum.

pookamoo, i know, we both think its great! they are going to be 6 months apart. were dreading them trying to work out who is mummy, who is granny and who is a sister. when i'm a mummy and a sister and my mum is a mummy and a granny!

lynli thats intresting what you say about not being close to your mum, but being close to your dd's my mum isnt that close to her mum and always wanted a close relationship with me and my sisters.

thankyou for all your comments. i feel very normal now!

Your mate is an idiot but a lot like my DH!! People who aren;t close to their parents sometimes just don't understand those that are.
You're lucky to have that relationship and there is no need for you to "cut down" on any of your mum time.

FWIW, I'm v close to my parents and did recognise that I needed to grow up a little bit when i couldn't buy a new toaster without asking my Dad's opinion at the age of 25 but generally, I don't think there's anything wrong with being close to your mum.

I'm v close to mine too.