I consider myself to be a confident person, so why am I so mortified at the idea of askign someone out??

[HurleySatOnMe]

Ok, a bit of back story. I've been on my own since ex left when I was pg more than 2 years ago. It hit me badly, I lost my job through redundancy at the same time and it knocked my confidence hard. I got very low, got very fat and my confidence was non existant. Last year I decided enough was enough, I lost the weight, I finally got treatment for my PND, and I have finally got my mojo back, and (if I do say so myself) am hotter than I ever have been . I really am a changed person and it makes me sad to think of how low I have been over the last 2 years.
BUT the one area I am still lacking confidence in is believing I will ever have a relationship again, which at 26 is a pretty depressing thought.
So how do I get that confidence back? There;s a guy I really like, he works in a shop I go in with ds a lot, and is just lovely. The confident me should be able to just ask him out. But the scared me can't imagine him saying yes, despite the fact that (I think) the attraction is there .
I know that realisitcally, Ihave been badly let down in the past and that will take a lot of getting over. So how do I make the first step? Wise MNers (if there are any of you not watching the footie) what do I do???

well done on getting your mojo back!

I'd like to consider myself a feminist and there's absolutely nothing wrong with asking a man out at all, but I don't think I would ever have the balls to do it myself.

but OMG - 26? Of course you will have relationships again

the main thing is that you feel good about yourself - if you feel attractive you will be giving off attractive vibes all over the place - its only a matter of time until he or someone else nabs you!

just keep chatting him up when you see him, big smiles etc. Get to know him a bit better so that some area of communal interest or some social opportunity will enable one or other of you to suggest meeting up..

Hi
I've asked two men out. One turned me down, one accepted and is now my lovely DH. I just made myself ask them! I figured it was a couple of minutes embarrassment which would all be worth if it it worked out. I didn't ask them out in public though, I was on my own with them both times - I didn't want an audience if it fell flat. I kept it quite light - something along the lines of I liked him, would he like to go out for a drink.

I worked myself up to being brave, and actually it wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it would be. So, I say go for it - you can always go to another shop if he says no.

Plus most men have the same nerves about asking someone out - DH is really pleased I asked him becuase he would have taken ages to get up the courage to ask me!

I think, despite how confident a person may or may not be, rejection still hurts us all and we all try to minimise situations that may cause us to be rejected.

Ah replies! (you've all just watched the football haven't you)
My mind has been scheming. I got a fabulous dress to wear for a friends party which leaves me at something of a loose end. I was going to go in and see if he could help me find some shoes (it's a fabulous charity shop in town, where I already know one of the other men in a friendly way. Not that way, I think he's actually gay, but is lovely to us) knowing he'll ask for what. I could then give it some spiel that I was meant to be goign out on Friday but am now dressed up with nowhere to go. Perfect opportunity, no? But am not ballsy enough.
It is true though, that I give off vibes now. My friends have all commented on it, and I have been getting more smiles and looks from men. I worry I am still the fat girl inside my head

That sounds like a plan. You are ballsy enough, just need to get on with it. Its a good sign you're nervous- means chemistry is there! Good luck!

I think the nerves are a good sign too. It's true story btw, am not that sneaky . Had a babysitter all lined up for friday, party has been rescheduled for Saturday so I can't go

But if you go in saying I want some shoes to go with a dress i'm not going to wear... won't that sound a little strange? That might be me being dopey... I'm not the most experienced dater.. have only been on one 'proper' date, normally i tend to get drunk and end up kissing friends/friends of friends

Not anymore you understand - doesn't sit well with being 37 weeks preg. Anyway i digress.

Do you know he's def single/straight?

I need the shoes for the dress anyway as I have literally nothing that will match it, and I'm kind of still hoping a babysitter will appear from the blue so I can still go.
He is def straight (my gaydar should be patented and sold) and no wedding ring. The first time I've ever checked . I may have to go in when he's not there and get the lowdown on him from the other guy
What worries me is that if he turns me down, or it goes badly, I can never show my face in there again

DH seemed like he wanted to ask me out but never quite found the confidence. Eventually, after a few drinks with our group of friends one night, I "made it easy" by asking him when he was going to ask me out! It could have all gone pear-shaped if I had been getting the wrong signals but sometimes you just have to dive in and to hell with the consequences. Fortunately it didn't and we ended up in bed at the end of our first proper date - NOT my usual habit but it just seemed right!

Have you ever got onto subjects and chatted beyond the shop/client role?

Lucky you - mine is officially broken. Don't worry about not being able to go in the shop - you can always just go in when your gay friend is in.

I think so chocolate (great name btw). I do think it's bordering on the flirtatious now, iykwim. He always asks about my dd who is at school, which is obv just being friendly, but he has complimented me on stuff I've been wearing, said I look nice, asked about stuff we've done at the weekend. But maybe he does that to everyone, I don't know.

Have you asked him stuff back though?

Oh yes, it wasn't just him giving me a grilling. Proper conversations, as much as ds would allow

Hmm, time for little hints?
A gentle 'next' stage, so you are not asking him outright, but putting down feelers? Bit of flirting gone/going on?

Definately flirting. My goodness, this thread has made me realise I just need to bite the bullet and ask him. Seeing it all written down, it's all there. We just need to stop pussyfooting around each other
But I'm scaaaaaared

I would drop a big hint rather than asking him out. I personally think men like to do the asking and will if they want to. I'm happy being single so perhaps best not to take much notice of me.

My dates usually come about because I have dropped massive hints. e.g chatting and mentioning my love of red wine, his reply, can we enjoy it together, me that would be lovely. That sort if thing. They are still doing the asking.

hmmm.. you could drop in on the way past, take the dress in with you - ask for help with choosing shoes etc.. bang on about party, try dress on with various shoes just to give him a good look at our fabulousness .. then see if he says anything...

Do you know if he has a girlfriend?

It's a bit risky to assume he doesn't, so I would either find a way of asking him if he does first, or make any invitation very casual. The shoes/dress thing seems a bit contrived to me, sorry.

That's it portia. I have no idea if he does or doesn't> But similarly I don't have 'Single and desperate' tattooed on my head either, at least not last time I looked. Neither of us has mentioned a partner, but there has not been the cause to iyswim.
And tbh, I do liek this guy, but the same goes for men in general. I have a bit of a problem believeing anyone would be interested in me. I am very good at projecting confidence, but actually feeling it is another matter. I need to work on that I htink. Redemption may be in sight, I have a uni friend who has just told me he's coming up on Friday (completely platonic) so I may have someone to go out with after all. And who knows who I'll meet