My sister has been very supportive since births of dcs and I am very grateful to her but her attitude towards me is really beginning to get me down and I'm struggling mentally regarding how to handle it.
When she lived in M/CR for 2 years after birth of dd she used to come and babysit every Thursday. Great obviously, but I NEVER asked, she always offered and if ever she had an alternative arrangement I told her not to bother with us and do her thing. She would usually arrive and help herself to whatever was in the fridge, get the laptop and go straight on it. Again not really bothered but when she began to pull a face if we didn't have what she wanted in/or I was using the laptop found it a bit annoying. Several of our friends invited her on nights/days out (she didn't really know many people here) but she basically turned her nose up at them saying they weren't really her sort of people.
it was about this time the angry outbursts started, screaming and shouting at me if I had a different point of view from her about something topical say. I'd be called critical, a bully, negative, etc. etc. this once happened when she accused me of having a "critical" face when looking at some holiday pictures. this was bullshit. She's done it several times in front of my friends and embarrassed me. She's unable to speak to me without reminding me of how lucky i am to have her, loads more so than her friends with dcs (she has 2 friends with dcs). I say I'm grateful but I don't want to be harangued about it and I've NEVER asked her to do childcare it's always been when she's wanted to when she's been free. E.g. if we had a wedding would never ask her would ask MiL.
Last year she moved back to Sheffield this co-incided with birth of my lovely ds. She's been over every 6 weeks or so since September. I've been over to Sheffield to see her 3 times.
Last Friday she arrived and couldn't get a friend to stay in with her whilst she babysat so wanted to come out with us. I managed to get a babysitter at a cost of £30 (at least) last minute. She dragged us round on a bar crawl (we originally wanted a quiet, beer garedn drink) but went with what she wanted as she was our guest. Halfway through the night usual scenario. Came back from toilets "you're so lucky so have me you know, no one can believe I do so much for you and you just don't realise it" I thanked her AGAIN and said if it was too much no worries we could sort out another way for her to see dcs (dd loves her) but I was NOT going to be made to feel bad about it forever more. Cue screaming shouting, I was a bully (I then apologised for giving her a hard times when we were little, she's 5 years younger than me, talking sibling teasing and fighting here), I'm negative about EVERYONE (asked her for an example didn't get one) I'm not fluffy and happy enough etc.etc. By the end she was spitting and screaming in my face. Mid way through she then went "oh just forget it now" and started with the "I love you so much you're a special person.
She gets very anxious and paranoid, I've tried to help. Ive left work to go across the pennines when she's been having a panic attack. I went to Sheffeild 2 weeks ago at a cost of £40 in all to view a house with her at an hours notice. Loads of stuff. I've never reminded her of this in arguments never. I've promised to care for her future dcs if she has them to which I got more spitting and screaming, that it would never be as good as what she's done. I'm likely to have 2 dcs in primary school when she has dcs so i said I do what I could.
I've had enough. Since she's been my sleeps gone haywire again after being better for the first time in years. I can't stop obsessing and crying. She never lets up on me and I'm so nervous around her in case some nuance in my voice results in an outburst or some facial expression. I'm beginning to hate her. However dd adores her and I don't want to deprive dd of that contact. Am thinking of sorting it out in such a way that she doesn't really come here anymore.
Sorry for the long post, really getting to me.