So I just got my copy of "Toxic Parents" .....

[weegiemum]

Its my Mum who was toxic, I have to put on record that my Dad was, and is, a star! After toxic mother left he was brilliant, and still is.

My book came today, partly recommended by MN, partly by my therapist. Along with "When you and your Mother can't be friends".

Dh is away till Thursday. Was wondering if, in your experience, this book would be better read alone, with no-one else to get in the way, or when someone I love and trust is about to pick up the pieces?

I do tend to process alone. Dh often stays away (has accomodation at work) the night after my clinical psychology sessions, as I find processing alone easier. But I am frightened this is going to dredge things up.

My mother was toxic to me for years, but we have been estranged for 5 years now, to my great releif.

I'll bump this later in the evening, when more folks are around!

I haven't read it, but I'd do it with dh around. I'd like to hear how it goes, Weegiemum - I nearly bought it on amazon today!

I need to do this stuff alone, with periodic visits to a therapist. To help with my processing, I write copiously.

The best thing to is probably to start! You'll know soon enough. Good luck

I also write copiously! I have filled several notebooks since I started therapy in November. BIG notebooks!!!

I think I will restrict myself to the first chapter tonight to see how it goes. I don't like talking till I have thought, written and processed - then dh tells me how good my processing is! He is exceptionally good at figuring it out and knowing if I am doing it right - he's not my therapist, but he is a good therapist (he's a GP with Special Interest in Psychiatry and is very good with me).

I have a feeling I have to do this alone.

I kind of wish I hadn't told him I'd bought it!

I'm reading it alone and I find it a lot better. I can cry/wail/write/retreat/sit about without anyone trying to jolly me along.

It opened a few things up for me, but one sentence just knocked me for 6, and I'm so glad I didn't have anyone around to need me for anything as I felt like Id been hit by a bus.

Hope you are ok love from 1foot x

I started reading this in the bookshop before I bought it. And ended up in tears. I then read it from cover to cover in one day and night. DH was around at home but I locked myself in the bedroom and was alone most of the time. But I think knowing DH was around, even though I didn't talk to him about it, was good.

I have now got used to dealing with episodes of grief and pain on my own and I think it is better for me. If DH happens to be around I think it inhibits me in letting out all my emotions as I try to 'protect' him from getting upset (as I was programmed to do from childhood).

Not saying my way is the best way, but just wanted to let you know you are not alone in facing up to these sorts of issues and you will find your own way through it all and as you change and evolve so will the ways in which you deal with things. Good Luck and well done on getting the book. There are many other excellent books out there, just let me know if you want some more recommendations.

Both good books and they have helped me a lot. I read both alone and did say a chapter a time. They're not books you read from cover to cover, as they make you think so much.

Good luck.

Hi A bit tipsy, Id love to hear of any other books you can recommend for me?

Hi1foot. I would recommend any book by Alice Miller, but in particular The Drama of the Gifted Child, The Truth Will Set You Free, The Body Never Lies and Free From Lies.

Also Divorcing Your Parents by Beverly Engel, Trauma and Recovery by Judith Lewis Herman, Healing the Child Within by Charles Whitfield. I have read all of these and they are all excellent.

Also any books about attachment theory based on John Bowlby's work are worth reading too.

HTH, I have many more recommendations but these should keep you busy for quite a while.