Im not sure if i want to leave him

[worldgonemad72]

Hi All

I just need to get this off my chest so bear with me if it goes a bit rambly.

Basically met my husband 5 yrs ago, fell totally in love with him and still am, we have a child together and also my dd from my previous marriage.

On the whole our relationship is good, very loving, fun etc but every now and then when he starts drinking he can become quite volitile, the last time we rowed was about 2 yrs ago, he was drunk, trashed the house, pushed me over and scared the life out of me. We talked about his drinking as this does bring out the worst in him and things did improve.

We had a night out with his close friend last night, (1st time since our ds was born - he's 14 months), everything was great while we were out, got back home and sat chatting for a while, his mate decided go up bed (sleeping in my dd room) so we went up aswel, when we got up to our room i closed the door as i didn't want his mate 'hear' anything iykwim, for some reason he got really pissed off with me stormed out of the bedroom, fell downstairs and i could hear things breaking and being thrown about. ive come down this morning (after he had staggered upto bed) to find a couple of glasses smashed, lager left spilt on our living room floor - its soaked into the laminate a bit, empty cans thrown about the room and a couple of holes in the wall.

I just dont know what to do, i really love him but i do feel like im treading on eggshells sometimes, ive got no friends of my own, we own our home so would need to sell it before i could get anywhere else - i couldn't afford the mortgage on my own and i doubt he'd be willing to move out. I haven't got any savings as such and tbh id be too ashamed to talk to my family about it.
I know the alcohol is the main issue but as this doesn't happen often i dont know if im making a big deal of it.

BTW Both my dd and ds were at my mums house last night.

Hi,
Thanks for all messages, to answer some questions, i filled the holes as i was picking our children up and i didn't want my eldest dd seeing them - she's 8, i know that means im covering up for him but i just ddn't want her to think anything was wrong. Weve been talking since sunday, he knows that alcohol is not acceptable in our house, ive also told him that if he ever does bring it in whether he drinks it or not then its over,We very rarely go out. he only used to drink on occasion and the 2 times this has happened it was because he was drunk.
Weve talked about why he got so angry and how he can overcome his issues, Im not going in to see the gp with him but i will be waiting in the reception.
One thing i can say about him, is that when he hasn't a drink he's just your 'average' family man, i think this is why im finding it difficult to leave him, he's a great dad, helps around the house, works hard and wants to do whatever he can to save our marriage.
He's under no illusions that he can keep doing this.
Thank you all for supporting me through what has been a very difficult time, I know he has a lot of hard work yet to come with dealing with his problems but i believe we can overcome this.

WGM, thanks for updating. I wish you a lot of luck and hope that this will be the last chance you give him.

Take care.

Has he considered AA? Or any other way to address his drink problem?

You don't need to drink every day to be an alcoholic. If you drink, bad things happen (bad things you weren't counting on, that is - obviously, having a hangover or embarrassing yourself at karaoke isn't what I'm talking about here), and you nevertheless drink again, you are already ticking a lot of the boxes ...