I don't think I'm being unreasonable

[celticfairy101]

Since husband has moved out, he's had two weeks holiday, one with OW and one with his work mates. I've had 2 days away. We have an autistic son and two teenagers who are in the midst of exams. I'm working part-time and have the children during the week. He has my youngest child (ds) usually two nights at the weekend and sometimes the three of them on a Saturday night. I've had a night to myself for about three times since he moved out in mid March.

His girlfriend will not move out of her area, SW and refuses to travel to see him. I've said that his free time is during the week and if she's not willing to travel that's his problem, not mine. He wants increasingly to encroach upon the weekends, having them only one night so that his Sundays are free so he can travel from the North West to spend a night with her. She has no desire to meet the children or be stepmum to them. All she wants, as far as I can gather, is him. She doesn't want the hassle of his children.

I'm of the opinion that I'm not going to facilitate their meet ups. If they can do it during the week then that's their problem. It certainly isn't mine. And yet I get grief over this. What should I do?

Sorry that should read, if they can't do it during the week

Why should she want to see the children or be a step mum to them? If she was trying to get involved I suspect there might be things said.

So he's been gone 3 months? Presumably you had an agreement over access, and 3 months doesn't seem like very long to already be mucking up the agreement.

If you can't rely on him, is there anyone else who can help you? What support do you have? You seem overloaded.

Fab

I've said from the onset that she can meet them if she wants to. I've got no problems with that. The older two don't ever want to meet her though, but the youngest has no options as far as I'm concerned. They are going to be living in separate accommodation but the agreement is he has them for the weekends, and I'm happy to give him a weekend free, or one night during the month off but it just seems that my goodwill is being encroached upon.

She has no children of her own and is unlikely with him as he's had the snip and she's 40.

He seems to be doing all the travelling. She's not interested in making the effort and I am left facilitating her. Which I bloody think is a cheek to be honest.

I've no family nearby, and though friends help out, our children do need to see their father.

I'm a little confused sorry. Are you saying he wants to cut down one night on a weekend? Could you then suggest that he see's them another day in the week to compensate?

That might not be practical, sorry.

If not, then no, I don't think you are being unreasonable to not want him to cut his very limited time already, down with his children for the sake of his social life.

How about you say, OK if you choose to see less of your children, that's your loss - but you have to pay for me to have one extra day's childcare instead on the weekend.

He should pay to hire someone to help you out.

Surely what he does with her is his own business?

Set a specific time for him to be with the children and he can arrange to see her outside of those times, when and where is not your concern. If he doesn't stick to the set times and keeps changing it then you address why he won't spend time with his children and he'll need to re-prioritise his life ie his children are his No 1.

So the adults all know what they want, now what do the children want to do?

I have an agreement with my exh that he sees them every other weekend and one night in the week.

Since we split four years ago he has only ever had them for 24 hours every weekend and till about 6.00/6.30 pm on the weekday evening and that's if he is not away for work/his new dcs nanny is not off blah blah blah

I have pointed out the shortfall in his times vs what was agreed time and time again since I am blue in the face but it hasn't made a jot of difference tbn.

And like you our maintenance is based on the agreement - the extra days all add up -with provsion of extra food and petrol money for driving them around to sporting activities etc. I do sometimes ask him for extra money but I don't think he has ever really addressed the fundamental mismatch.

I just sort of accept it now and think it's his loss.

prob doens't help you op . It might be that the op is a red herring and if it weren't for her he would have another excuse why he couldn't see them.

At this stage of their relationship I don't really think she has any real responsibility towards your dcs