DH says he hates his life

[hersuit]

Am a bit gutted and also a bit pissed off...

Life isn't easy at the minute, we have a toddler and another on the way and we both work extremely long hours (have our own business). We pay ourselves a pittance so money is really tight. I think this is all pretty normal though, most people I know with small children are tired and skint.

He came home from work yesterday afternoon looking and sounding particularly grumpy. I asked him what was up and he said that he hates his life, he can't be arsed and he just wants to curl up in the corner and die .

He then said, 'Apart from DS'. Later last night when he came back from the evening shift he said he wasn't talking about me but I think he probably is.

Our relationship has been a bit ropey for a while. I haven't really been interested in sex since DS1 was conceived about 2 1/2 years ago. I thought it was just being pregnant then bfing but we ended up going to relate last year. Transpired we both had some issues.

We still aren't back to normal though and I'm pg again. I don't like him touching me at all, apart from back massages. And I hate kissing him, in fact we haven't kissed properly in a long time. The thought makes me juddder.

He's usually really lovely, this is quite out of character. OTOH I am permanently in a bad mood. No wonder he's fed up, eh?

Problem is I don't know what to do really. I can't do anything about our work stress or finances. I also can't physically bring myself to kiss or cuddle. Partly because I know how much he wants sex and I don't want to encourage him or feel under pressure.

Sorry this has turned into a ramble, just needed to get it off my chest.

Exactly, you tell the person you need more sex and try to work it out. Go to a sex counselor or whatever.
If your partner still won't have sex with you for whatever reason (birth trauma, doesn't find you attractive etc) you try to address the issue. If the person still won't have sex with you, and if sex is that important to you, then you leave the relationship. But then it is very clear why the relationship split up and there is none of this 'you drove me to have an affair' Sex is important, definitely, but there are more important things in life, like integrity.

Lying is despicable in a grown adult.

Although it also has to be said, a man who leaves a woman who is recovering from a bad birth (the birth of his child) is a shit.

So turns out the problem isn't the lack of sex just the lack of kindness. I haven't been very nice recently, in fact I've been a bit of a nightmare, and he's v fed up. So I've got to be nicer and then we can work on my ishoos and all will be fine.

I think splitting up our family would be a bit dramatic in the circs, especially as we haven't even tried very hard to sort things out yet. And I too struggle to see the good in having an affair.

Thanks for all your comments, has helped me realise how bad things were. Hopefully we can sort this out/ I can be a better person.

Oh yeah, I'm sure she's waited 13 years for you to tell her it's all her fault. Thank goodness you were here to point it out.

You waited 13 years to say that?

The solution might be to stop the mouthwash and start using another way of cleansing his mouth, like swilling a teaspoon of coconut oil and spitting it out afterwards. I believe mouthwash will come with health warnings in the next few years. It kills all bacteria - including the good ones and you need the good ones to keep things balanced.

I felt less sorry for him when I read that he's unwilling to try to sort out his health issues. And then affairs as well?? Nope.

Also because I'm a bit selfish. I need to stop being such a teenager and thinking it's fine to act out my stresses all the time

Yes you do. It really shows such a lack of respect for the other person when people do this.