Please be nice to me as my husband is leaving today..

[ChocolatePants]

Hello there,
Please someone come and give words of comfort?

I know it's for the best, please tell me that I won't be always angry with him. Or upset that our 12 yr old DS is going to stay with him, or bitter that he is finding leaving me all soooo easy.

It's horrible right now.

Thanks Butterfly- yes that's the sort of stuff I need to here.

Yes it feels horrible that DS wants to stay with him, but I have 2 younger ones still. It's just weird. I guess I sort of feel I should talk/write about it.

I SOOOO don't want to be bitter and twisted, it's not really in my nature, and I know it will hurt etc etc...it's just I want to feel ok again.
Anyway, have the afternoon and night planned just so I am not walking round my house like some sort of ghoul, weeping and wailing.

So so sorry to hear this news Chocpants. You wont be angry with him forever. i hope you get some sleep and dont fret too much. It is very painful at first. . like a Bereavement. I hope for Ds' sake you can both get on and communicate. and also very important to you that DS comes and stays with you lots and lots and you see him every week. Tell Ds you are there for him night and day no matter what and that you love him loads and you want him to be happy . Also if he ever wants to chat and needs you support you are there .
xxxxxx stay strong. Big arms are around you on mnett.

Thanks both of you- just the sort of words I need to stop me feeling sorry for myself and remember I CAN get through this, even if it doesn't feel like it sometimes.

Here's a big hug for you.
Give your dcs a big hug too. You will get through this, just take it one day at a time.

Thankyou.

I am sure it will take a while to get into your new routine.

What lazarusb said - one day at a time.

And be good to yourself - give yourself some treats, try to do things you enjoy, even if it's something small. You deserve happiness.

Good luck.

Just to let you know that I am thinking of you.

Be strong chocolate. I am so sorry you are going through this. If you are able to stay positive with your ds, and support his decision, then he will know you are there for him 100%. Very very hard for you, but you can do it. And keep posting when you feel crap. MN is brilliant for support 24 hours a day.

Chocolate - so sorry to hear your news. I think some children naturally gravitate towards one parent. My youngest, for example, is very much a mummy's boy and I know he would always want to be with me. However, dh and I have been going through a very bad patch following my discovery of his affair. The worst time in the last few months was when I'd reached a point where I thought dh would need to leave and our children heard us arguing. My second son (13)was very angry with me for not forgiving dh and shouted at me that he would go and live with dh. I've no doubt he meant it. He and dh have always been very close and are very much alike. Fortunately we're on an even keel now and working on our relationship. But I still recall the agonising, gut-wrenching feeling when my son said he wanted to live with his dad. He adores his dad so much he was prepared to cast me as the bad guy and ignore his dad's behaviour.

I think all you can do is make your time with your son as much fun as possible.

I do hope you are OK - remember to be good to yourself. The happier and more content you are, the more your son will want to be around you.

Thankyou so much everyone.

All my best friends came round last night and it really helped.

I reassured my DS that I love him and it is ok to stay with his dad.
His dad has moved just up the street, so he is close by anyway.

It could be so easy to be bitter etc, but ultimately it would only hurt me and my DC.

my ex is not my problem anymore.

I feel lighter already

ChocolatePants (GREAT name btw)

You will not feel this way for ever, in fact within a surprisingly short time you will have found new routines and you WILL be happier.

(Hugs)

Your son does love you very much - agree though about the starting some kind of ritual type thing to do when he visits, he will need a haven.

Be gentle with yourself

It's good that your DS will be so near. You will probably find that he is in and out of both houses - my brother was in a similar situation years ago, living very near to XP with plenty of worries and found that the kids in the end saw both houses as home. The kids are now all very happy and grown up with their own families and my brother is happily remarried.

It's a tough situation and I have had similar fears with my DC's since XP left to be with OW but in the end I've realised that the important thing is just to do what you can for your DC's, distance yourself from XP where that feels right and take things day by day.

Wishing you lots of luck and a peaceful weekend - take good care of yourself.

Hi ChoclatePants, just to let you know that someone all the way from Cape Town is thinking of you today.

Hope you are ok today Chocolatepants x

chocolatepants, are there fun things you used to do when you were younger/single, but stopped doing when you got together with your husband?
Now would be the time to start doing them again

All the best.

Thinking of you cp. All the best for today.

Oh my god thanks everyone!

I actually feel like a huge weight has been lifted- I am very sad about it all, but not having my husband in the house feels wonderful. Distancing myself emotionally is much easier, and I don't have to cope with the constant comments, put downs, moods etc from him.

DS has just come round with a list from his dad- 'coffee, toiletries, saucepans, meds'- which felt a bit odd, but I got the stuff together and off he went to take it to his dad. Feels weird, but then I suppose it will.

I am working nightshift tonight so the girls will spend the night there too. Twice a week they will stay there, when I am at work. I initially thought he would stay here, but now he has gone, to be honest I don't think I want him in the house, I want to make it 'my' space, iyswim.

My friends were telling me last night of their first impressions of me, when they first met me...and it is noones fault but i became a shadow of who I used to be, self-esteem and confidence became non-existent.

Thanks for all your kind words. x

You sound like a lovely person,

I'm sure you have a rosy future.

Good luck x

i think you are right wanting to have your place as your own space. One day in the future you might want to have a male friend around and you will want it to be your place with out any one else being able to just walk in. (except the children of course)
Wishing you luck and happiness for the future. !! xx

Thanks so much- I got in from nightshift at half 8- he sent the kids back at half 10 as he had to go shopping.., but nevermind, I need to start being more assertive, after all, I don't need to be scared of his moods anymore.

So, an early night tonight methinks!!

you sound alot more positive, well done and keep going x