What is reasonable contact?

[MickyF]

Help!

My Husband left when I was 29 weeks pregnant. DS is now 19 weeks. He is BF at the mo and the Ex sees him two week days for a couple of hours and on saturday from 12 or 2 until about 5:30 ( he did not bring him back until 6:15 last week).

I have said that this is enough as DS needs his dinner and bath routine at home. The EX keeps pushing and I have agreed that he can feed him out ( at the GF!) and express for him. The EX now wants to bath him out too. I have said no and now have recieved a ranting text sayig I'm stopping him seeing his Son, Although I am quite happy for him to come round every evening he as choosen not too as he says he has no time to himself.

What is reasonable contact? everywhere I've looked says just a couple of hours until DS is about 18 months old.

Sorry for the rant but I have never stopped him from seeing DS and I do think 5 hours in one go for a wee one is a long time.

Seems fair to me.

I mean current arrangements.

YANBU

No judge will grant more than a couple of hours for a breast fed baby. And I'd say no to expressing too.

Bluntly, he left you. he should have thought about the implications of his actions before he left, and he now needs to consider the needs of someone who CANNOT be fucked around the way he has fucked you around - his son.

DS was 12m ish when my contact court case came... the judge said he was to see his "father" for 2 hours on a saturday and 2 hours on a sunday, not at meal times and not at nap times... that went on til ds nearly 2 and it was only changed because contact stopped...

and ds was bottle fed. A bf newborn (18 weeks is very tiny, really) would get similar arrangements IMO

The arrangements you have are fine. Ignore his ranting texts and take yourself to get some advice from a solicitor (I've recently done this - first appointment is free). For me the arrangements I have in place are also fine and the reassurance I had from my solicitor was excellent. Our next step is mediation - not always suitable for everyone - and after that it will be back to the solicitors again.

whatever you do - do not be pressurised into "trying it out" because once you do that you will find it very difficult to go back to your original arrangements.

If you need to hold him off, tell him you'll consider his requests and then get a solicitor to give you some advice.

he is being unreasonable. he clearly has no understanding of the needs of a baby. i dont understand his comment about not having time to himself if he comes to yours to bath ds, surely if he was bathing him at his own house it would take the same amount of time. it also doesn't make sense to bath a baby for bed and then put him in the car, where he will most likely fall asleep only to disturb him again and probably have to feed him again to get him back over to sleep.

'He says he has no time to himself.' I say grow up and take on the responsibilities of being a father. He'll just have to grit his teeth, and his GF too, and come round to your place if he wants extra hours. No way should his gf be bathing the baby - he should be bloody doing it! It's his child he's bonding with, and as booyhoo so rightly points out, babies need routines.

As for you expressing your milk to facilitate his free time - well words fail me!

Thanks All,

The saga continues now Thank God I have a good relationshp with his family and have spoken to his Mum today and she has agreed to speak to him. Alot of the prob is that he wont talk to any of his family to run things by them.

I await the rant tomorrow!

Because I go back to work in Aug ( early because he wont pay half the morgtage anymore) I have to work shifts he thinks he can have im for an equal amount of time as I will HAVE to leave him. Also because DS will have to go to bed at families house and I will pick him up lateer and 'twilight' transfer him home the ex said 'well why can't I do that on saturdays'.

BECAUSE IT IS A NESSITIY FOR ME NOT AN IDEAL!

I have been to sols to the free drop in and at the mo am considering mediation. But its such a big step.