my first time on MN and I don't know all the acronyms so bear with me.
Basically, DH and I have been together 7 years and married 5. Our DS is now five months. DH has two girls by ex aged 9 and 11. They were together 5 years and not married.
From the moment I met H I was fully involved with the girls and grew to love them like my own. We had them to stay every other weekend, bought them everything they needed, gone on lovely holdays, Disneyland, all the things we would if they were ours full-time.
But without boring you with detail, ex has been total utter nightmare from day one. She once told me H went to her place often for sex, going into crude detail. A year later she admitted she lied.
The odd occasion we had to change time H picked the girls up - say sat morning instead of friday night (it happened maybe 3 times in five years) she would phone me or H and yell abuse.
She has never worked. Both me and DH were holding down full-time jobs.
She has hit him in front of me and girls. She has screamed abuse outside our front door, and called the police several times - once, they went back to her house to give HER a caution. She used to make me tremble with fear.
There are many many other things I could add here.
In the end I put house on market and we moved 80 miles away from her. DH drove the distance every other weekend to pick up the girls. Then I fell pregnant. Incredible, since I had had fertility problems. Since the moment she found out her behaviour worsened. Half-way through pregnancy H asked her to start sharing the drive - even to do just 10 miles of it, but she has point blank refused.
Relations slowly got worse and finally, in last month of pregnancy I put my foot down and said either she drove part of the way or H should just go and see them on a sat, and that after DS arrived we should have four weeks to ourselves and not have the girls for a full weekend til I got the hang of the baby. Ex then refused to talk to H at all and stopped the girls ringing him. Relations went to nil.
Xmas was a nightmare - we had agreed the weekend we would have them, then she tried to alter arrangements saying we should get them on Boxing day or not have them at all. An hour later she said she was dropping them off that afternoon, we waited and nothing happened. She then demanded everything in writing from him (refusing to speak to him).
In all of this we had new baby, I am older mother and found it very hard!
DH did try writing but her new tack was "the girls are not available that weekend...".
Finally we had a letter saying she is moving with new boyfriend 130 miles away from us. She still insists that DH does all the driving to get the girls when they move, that she knows nobody among her circle of friends who shares the driving with an ex.
At this point, for the first time, D saw a solicitor who wrote to her. She has written back lying about us and saying she won't be "intimidated", insisting DH does the driving once she has moved and that anyway the girls may not be available once they have begun their "new lives". As a result of all of this (her not talking to DH mostly which made making arrangements impossible, and then saying the girls are unavailable) we have seen the girls twice since December.
My whole point is, it has brought relations with my husband to breaking point. I love my DS to bits and feel I can't enjoy being a mum because of the gnawing rage and uset her behaviour causes. Our hands are tied and we cant afford solicitors fees. We could get a Specific Issue Order over the driving but she can just ignore it I guess.
I no longer want anything to do with the girls really, though it's not their fault, and I have asked my husband for a separation. I look at my lovely son and don't want him involved with any of it.
I have always had to tell my H what to do over the ex - prompted him to see solicitor etc. He would have walked away from it all much more willingly. And maybe he was right, because this poisonous woman has brought our marriage to its knees and I want out. I can't face more years of this shite.
The oldest girl is coming here this weekend (first time we'll have seen her since Feb) and here I am at 2am awake and actually wishing she wasn't.
I want to take my DS away and start a new life. The way the ex has treated us and DH has made me lose resect for him and has totally brought me down. Any advice or help would be huge as neither of us has any family to support us.