helping a four year old through a separation

[ellam68]

This is my first time on here. Has anyone any hints or tips how to help me help my little girl through a separation. she sees daddy at weekends but misses him in the week and is playing up at bed time. I also have a nine month old baby. Obviously did not plan on this happening, but when your husband of 14 years does not care about you any more, you dont have much choice but to end it. Just want make sure the girls get through this ok.

Hi Ellam68, I'm going through the same thing, but with a 9 year old. Can he not see her during the week at all. Maybe pick her up from nursery/school now and again.

Maybe he could send her emails. There is a great email service for little kids....zoobuh.com. It costs a dollar a month but is severely vetted and you get copies of everything she receives/sends. If she's not reading yet, you could obviously read them to her. And you could send some to ex which she dictates.

The main thing, which I'm sure you know is to reinforce that daddy left because mummy and daddy didn't like living together, not because of anything she did. I heard recently that the toughest age on kids for a parent to leave is 0-2 which I thought was interesting.

Or maybe daddy could just send a nightly text..not a big deal for him. Saying just big kisses, sleep well, etc. But tell her that daddy doesn't want you to read them to her until she's all tucked up in bed. Might at least help with the bedtime battles.

Good luck...and try and keep a smiley face when the kids are around.

Hi

I have recently split up with husband after 17 years together, 4 year old and an 11 month old.

I find that set times for seeing daddy helps, we have a little calendar with the days marked off, and I have also bought him a 'learn how to tell the time' clock from the ELC so that he knows what time daddy is coming.
(with stern instructions to daddy that this is happening and not to be late, as he is notoriously late for everything!)

ds knows how to call daddy off my phone. so I have told him that daddy is always there for him, and any time he wants him he can just call him. he loves that independence. does quite often call and say something quite random and then just hangs up. but seems much happier just having heard his voice.

I try to keep lots of structure to the routine. Even though I get the odd backlash in the form of 'daddy's much more fun than you' or 'I just want daddy to be here'

But I try to keep the structure as I know he'll benefit from it in the long run.

Have been making an effort to give him lots of cuddles. Lots of fun activities, for example last night it was 20 mins with me and the boys playing on the trampoline. Cue lots of laughter and distraction. Tonight we're going to bake fairy cakes while tea's cooking.

It's hard. Especially on the days when you're feeling so low yourself. But just take one day at a time. Lots of structure and reassurance, and lots of love, and you'll all get through it x

Thank you for your messages, Baffy I cant believe the similarity in our situation. Its sad that after so long together and recently having children that the marriages have ended. After our first was born, apparantly the marriage became boring, his words, but the daily slog of life to an extent is boring. Sometimes you think your on your own, but reading some of the posts on here makes me realise, that, sadly I am not alone in what I am going through. And that its down to us mums to help our children through these difficult times.