so what do you do when dh tells youe he feels 'flat' and that you and dc's just arnt enough for him?

[mothersmilk]

as the title says really. Dh came home the other night (iv been sitting on this a few days now) telling me he feels flat and that although he and the children may be enough for me (i have said this in the past) he doesnt think it is enogh for him. i was taken back and didnt know what to say really, things are hard at the mo moneys tight the buissness isnt great and we dont get to go out together loads due to the lack of help from friends and family, when i said this though the retort was that it wasnt the issue, with that i have to say very unlike me with nothing to say or suggest i went to bed. Its now really upset me as we have been together 5 years have 2 beautifull children and have always had this wonderfull relationship we go out seperatly dh more than me but only because im not to fussed and only go out when i want (that makes sense surely) we have always been enough for each other soul-mates. We dont live in each others pockets i no thats not healthy, i am just so shocked at these coments. im always the one who reasons and makes sense of things in our relationship the one who provides the answers sorts the problems puts it all to rights and now im lost.

Don't feel terrible mothersmilk. It's hard to see the wood for the trees when you're up to your elbows in under 5s! Hope you can have a good heart to heart and come up with a plan.

I don't think he's seeing someone else, actually I think he's done a brave thing in telling you how he feels - it's the truth, and it means he cares enough to want you to know it. But it takes two to fix it - so like others have said, talk and communicate and make time for each other. Plan something - anything, go see a band, go dancing, go climb a mountain(!) anything at all that will be a break from the norm. It isn't your job to fix it - you both have too. Of course you feel hurt, because you thought it was all ok, but now you know it isn't, so talk about how you can both move on. Some men just seethe away, go really quiet then walk out, so see this as a gift to improve things. Early years with little kids is hard work, so don't blame yourself being so tied up with them - it's natural and normal and exhausting! Good luck.

I agree with ZZZen "put the ball in his court. Say ok he finds it flat, what can we do about it? "
I also like Beenbeta's suggestion of discussing all your hopes and dreams for the future - sounds fun and like a good bonding experience!

Mothersmilk - you dont need to be sad, I dont think this is your fault at all, more of an opportunity to strenghen your relationship. Is there something you'd like, or something you used to like, that you want in your life?