My partner has bipolar 2

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My partner has just had a diagnosis of Bipolar2.I had suspected it for a while.We have a 5 month old and ever since she was born he has been depressed,drinking too much and taking drugs and having manic episodes.
He has now stopped the drink binges and has stopped the harder drugs and sometimes has a few stable days in a row.
He is waiting to get some therapy but has been advised he doesn't need any medication.
We have been sleeping apart for months.He finds it difficult to help with our daughter and never helps with the housework.He does freelance work and has been in work for a couple of months.However I pay my half and sometimes more of all the bills.
I just feel I need more help and feel unhappy in the relationship.He often gets into rages with me over small things and then ends up crying.
I feel so guilty about wanting to leave the relationship and don't want to harm his recovery but at the same time I need to look after myself and my daughter too.

dotn feel guilty - he is responsible for his mental health not you and for his drinking etc. he is the one who has to get help for it.

surprised they saying no medication?

if his condition results in rages against you - then you are within your rights to say no, you cant live with him.

does he have family/friends to support him?

his recovery may slip a notch if you leave him - but is up to him to get help to deal with that...

my exP was depressed with me (blamed our ds); he has been depressed without me. is nothing to do with me - however much he may claim it is...

please speak to someone yourself, eg counselling. to think thru what you want and where to go adn how tos et bounddaries for his behaviour. you do have a choice to live with him or not.

Get a second opinion on the meds. My DH is bipolar and refused meds for a long time, during which I lived with the ups and downs and ups and downs and the drinking and the ups and downs and drinking and remorse and trips to AA and ups and downs.
Then he finally admitted he needed help (again),and saw a doctor who knew what she was talking about, and he's got meds and they are working and he's stable and lovely again.

I'm bipolar 2 as well. It destroyed my marraige and plunged my ex wife into a cycle of depression. Now I don't want this to sound like I blame her for what eventually happened because I don't, even a little bit. What she needed to do was either force me to get help and take my meds, or throw me out.

She couldn't bring herself to confront me, and it just went on and on, I got abusive mentally, lied, drank,spent money indiscriminately, forgot to go to work and just rode around all day or sat in the library and just generally became a huge pain in the a**e. It eventually got to the point where I became impossible to live with and we were divorced. That was the best thing for her and the kids by then. I wish I'd got a handle on it and dealt with it earlier.

As for the therapy, don't hold your breath. If it's the GP that has told him he doesnt need meds,ignore that, GPs are generally fairly clueless about mental health.

When he has a rage,contact the local community mental health team, usually available through A&E at hospitals, they will connect you to the duty psychiatrist, and usually arrange to see him really very quickly(usually within hours) and provide diagnosis and support through the team.

But, you really need to think about pushing him gently towards psychiatric and/or drug treatment rather than waiting for almost any kind of talking therapy, which doesn't have a huge success rate for bipolar anyway.

Hope that helps

Thanks Jahwomble-interesting to hear from your side of things.
I have confronted him-I moved out when our daughter was 2 months old to my mums for a few days and have been pushing him along with getting treatment ever since.
It was quite a reputable psychiatrist from a large teaching hospital that apparently (according to DH)said no need for meds.
He was seen by the local mental health team months ago and they said "he needed to grow up"??!
He won't do the NHS drug therapy program or NA.He says he is waiting for the referral from the psychiatrist.
I think he might be avoiding.
I do think I am now getting depressed with it all-we had a horrible row today as DD was unwell and I lost it with him as he wasn't helping and then shouting at me..again.Then he cries.
He does work though and some days manages to help and be calm-these days confuse me even more.

if he He won't do the NHS drug therapy program or NA. then you decide - either he does this and you stay adn you support. or he doesnt do it and you go.

his choice.

if he wants to wait around for referral then he l;ives elsewhere in the meantime.

if he has refused NHs treatment/therapy - and youa re suffering from his utbursts - then you ahve the right to say "go elsewhere in the meantime"

he should be trying everything to get better. he isnt.

It's such a difficult situation because while he's in the grip of it and the various dependencies it creates, he is unable to make the right decisions for himself.

Do you have a CPN you can talk to? They will help you too.

My Dad has bipolar and could not do it himself. My mother and I pushed for help and an intervention occured, resulting in a stay in a psychiatric unit for my Dad and meds sorted out to help control the moods along with targetted help for the other dependencies.

"It was quite a reputable psychiatrist from a large teaching hospital that apparently (according to DH)said no need for meds."

Hmmmmm. doesnn't sound very likely to be honest, I've worked in mental health for a few years now since, and I'm yet to come across a psychiatrist who would diagnose bipolar disorder and not prescribe meds.

If he's waiting for a referral, I've been waiting four years now, and I'm not holding my breath.
It does sound like he's avoiding/in denial, that's really really common with bipolar as well.

As for him having good days, where he can be really calm and helpful etc,again that can be misleading, even now I still have relatively calm days, and then within 24 hours really manic days where I have to talk myself out of buying ponies, speedboats etc, and the odd kind of middling day. But even with the meds I still get really quite big mood swings and depression and mania.

There's quite a few websites out there providing info and support, If you don't start to get some support soon, you'll get ill as well.

Good luck with it anyway

Sounds really upsetting to live with this illness. For all of you. When did you first start to see the signs all wasnt well with your dh? Was there a trigger point?

jahwomble-I am seeing a pschyotherapist myself which is some help. Apparently a referral letter is on the way next week..but it is always a slow long road to any therapy in my short experience.
rupert22-Yup,is very upsetting and confusing mainly as his mood changes so suddenly.
The trigger point was having our baby-it was a difficult birth and first three months.We couldn't get her to eat/sleep well.I was readmitted to hospital a week after she was born as she had lost too much weight.We also moved house when DD was 4 weeks.We moved to a bigger flat that has a study for DP...which allowed him to hide away and drink/take drugs all night.
He has had two other episodes in the past(before we met) but I was never sure what these were really about.To be honest I always knew something was up-I think perhaps I was the one in denial.