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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Ex partner

14 replies

clarabella23 · 17/06/2010 05:24

Not sure if this is the right place to put this. Myself and ex have been split up for about 4 years,but I always wanted to get back with him until early this year. We were still stupidly sleeping together occasionally, him coming back whenever he fancied it.

He hit me once, about 3 1/2 years ago. He was drunk one night, came into my house and attacked me in front of our (then)2 /12 yr old daughter. I pressed charges against him, he got fines and community servive, and I had an injuction against in.

However, I gave in again within a year, and let him back in my life again. Idiot aren't I?

Last year he got prosecuted for fighting with another man, who he hit in a certain way and dislocated his jaw. He got sent to prison for 10 months.

He came out in December, and professed to have changed, blah blah blah, usual crap, bought into it for a couple of months. I finally clicked that he was a loser back in March this year, and started dating again- noone serious, literally just dating. Obviously he hates it, and has now decided he wants me back. Cue a lot of name calling, usual crap. I changed my mobile number, but still have the same home phone and DD now has a contact mobile for staying in touch with him. I have been in touch with CSA, who are now going to take £5 a week from his benefits. I'm guessing thats whats set him off this morning. I have had 4 phone calls at 4.40 this morning. As soon as I answered He said "I'm gonna kick your fucking head in.". I put the phone down on him, he tried ringing back but I didn't answer.

So what do I do now? He's still on parole, so if I ring and report him there is a chance he will get sent back to prison. Not my problem, I know, but do I want to be responsible for that? Now I'm nervous he's going to turn up at work too, and cause problems.

OP posts:
arsesandoldlace · 17/06/2010 06:10

Ring and report him. He's the one who would be responsible for it if he got sent back to prison - it's down to his own awful, threatening behaviour.

How dare he do that to you when you have his child in the house?

tortoiseonthehalfshell · 17/06/2010 06:13

Well he's clearly not changed, has he? And if he doesn't go back to gaol (which hasn't exactly acted as a deterrent for his awful violent behaviour) he's going to keep ringing you, threatening you with violence, and now you're worried that as well as refusing to support his own child he's going to lose you your job.

Apart from all that, if it wasn't enough, you need to report it for your own safety. You need the police to know that there've been violent threats made against you so that they can flag your name/number/address and respond as an emergency to future calls coming from your address.

The man is a violent unemloyed drunken asshole. Your lookout should be you and your daughter.

AnyFucker · 17/06/2010 07:31

Ring and report

It sounds like he could really hurt you

I am so, so, so ,so glad you have finally seen the light

overmydeadbody · 17/06/2010 07:34

Of course call up and report him!

Well done on finally seeing sense too.

You need to send a very clear message to him that he cannot threatren you and get away with it.

spookycharlotte121 · 17/06/2010 07:36

he sounds like my exp (apart from the jail thing) They will never change. I think you should call the police too.

iamfabregasted · 17/06/2010 07:42

Phone and report him.

And well done for seeing the light and getting rid.

sowhatis · 17/06/2010 07:47

report him, he needs a reality check and soon.

RunawayWife · 17/06/2010 07:54

For Gods sake report him, he should be back in Prison, best place for the likes of him.

cestlavielife · 17/06/2010 11:39

"has now decided he wants me back. ",..."gonna kick your head in"

what person would think that you would want someone back - who threatens you? he ahs no repsect for you. he needs help/prison.

report him . is HIS problem.

if you dont take steps now he will persisit in ahrassing you - and worse...

Squitten · 17/06/2010 12:50

Report him. If you can't do it for your own good, then do it to save the next woman from him

clarabella23 · 17/06/2010 15:26

Well, I dithered about it while at work...but rang police when I left. Just got to stay in and wait for them to turn up now, apparently they don't always ring?

Had a further 3 missed calls on DDs mobile this afternoon from him, no idea what for-probably grovelling.

So gotta mess around later on changing home phone number, etc, I just don't want him anywhere near me anymore.

Thanks for all your help, you lovely people!xx

OP posts:
cheerfulvicky · 17/06/2010 15:54

Glad you reported him, he sounds like a nasty piece of work, and v dangerous.

And on a more general level, it's great that you finally see through him and see what kind of person he really is. For your DD and also for your sake. Best of luck

iamfabregasted · 17/06/2010 17:09

clarabella - well done you.

You did what it took me fecking years and years and years to do.

clarabella23 · 21/06/2010 16:21

Knockraven- its taken me too many years to get to this stage. Now I'm just pissed off with it all!

Bloody police STILL haven't turned up to ake a statement! They can't speak to him either until they do, so he still has no idea I've reported him, so no doubt I'll get some grief then.

The bloody idiot rang me later on that same day to tell me his brothers gf had had her baby...I don't get how he can switch it on and off like that, I'm seriously starting to think he has some mental health issues. Obviously I just said I didn't wish to speak to him and hung up, but I think it's mad that he rings up like that at all!

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