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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Too tired

38 replies

ElvisCridlington · 16/06/2010 13:31

Hello, Thought I would ask on here as you all seem to be a very well informed bunch.

I am the proud father of a DS and a stay at home dad.
I look after DS most of the day until my wife comes home from work, then I am free to do as I please. My problem is that I am so tired out from looking after DS that I am unable to do the things I really enjoy like playing golf, watching football and tinkering in my shed.
On top of being so tired my wife is suggesting I spend even more time with DS which I think is unreasonable. Any ideas on how to solve this problem ?

OP posts:
megcleary · 16/06/2010 13:33

drink more coca cola

Original poster
ElvisCridlington · 16/06/2010 13:35

Housework ???

OP posts:
megcleary · 16/06/2010 13:36

too tired

FabIsGettingFit · 16/06/2010 13:36

Talk to your wife.

compo · 16/06/2010 13:36

Tired out after letting him watch cbeebies all day?

LittleMissSnowShine · 16/06/2010 13:39

I presume the problem is that your wife has been at work all day, which is, I imagine, not all fun and games for her. So when she gets home, although she is delighted to see your DS, she finds it a bit overwhelming having spent 8 or 9 hours in the office to taking over all childcare duties as well?

Could you alternate nights? So a few nights a week she gets to put her feet up, watch TV, paint her nails, have a bath, go to the gym, meet a friend or whatever it is she likes to do, while you take DS. And then the other nights, you get to do what you like, albeit with a bit of a caffeine boost to keep you going?

And if you have willing friends or family, maybe once a week or once a fortnight you and the wife could get a night together on your own to watch a movie, have dinner or whatever...

All about balance so no one feels they're being dumped on!!

wahwahwah · 16/06/2010 13:40

Big cat yawn...

thesunshinesbrightly · 16/06/2010 13:41

Shame It's what Thousands of woman do everyday, with more children.

Original poster
ElvisCridlington · 16/06/2010 13:43

Thanks LittleMissSunshine, think this is a great idea and much better than megcleary's suggestion that I 'drink more coca cola'.

OP posts:
LittleMissSnowShine · 16/06/2010 13:47

Come on, tho, if this was a stay at home mum giving off that her DH came home from work everyday and didn't want to help out or take anything to do with childcare most people would be sympathising and bitching about how most men are lazy, insensitive buggers who need to pull their socks up.

Just cos Elvis's situation is reversed doesn't mean he doesn't deserve to have a bit of a rant about it too...

ShirleyKnot · 16/06/2010 13:47

I saw a monkey eating a shoe once.

Jazzicatz · 16/06/2010 13:50

It is really tough when they are little, can you meet up with other sahd's and do things together that involve the children?

thesunshinesbrightly · 16/06/2010 13:50

I look after DS most of the day until my wife comes home from work, then I am free to do as I please.

????

Mrsbubblebum · 16/06/2010 15:59

Lots of mumsneters going to hate me now but didn't realise that some women have so little respect for stay at home dads.

I agree with LittleMissSnowShine balance is the key to everything. One gets one evening off another the next one or whatever works for you two.

I don't agree with 'after my wife comes home i can do whatever i please' i think you both should divide the evenings equally.

Anyway i'm a stay at home mum and i know how it must feel every now and then, my hubby comes home after our daughter is in bed so never helps out during the week. I don't mind thou, his work is in the office and mine is at home. But if i want to go out in the evenings i don't even have to ask just give him a kiss and go...

porcamiseria · 16/06/2010 16:08

Hi Elvis

I come to this as a working MUm with a SAHD partner. I also get a teensy bit annoyed that when I come home DP "rests" whilst I do baby playtime, a spot of cooking, and bath time! I have also been working all day!

I think its hard for all, noone said having young ones is a picnic! But I dont think its fair that after a hard days work she has to "take over" when you then "rest"

so some balance in the key...

booyhoo · 16/06/2010 16:17

you need to talk with your wife.

how is the childcare, cooking, housework divided up once she is home from work?

my OH works away from home but when he is here in the evenings, one of us will cook while the other entertains the dcs or tidies away the days mess. then once we eat one of us will do dishes while the other does bath and bedtime. we both have our favourites but we try to alternate to prevent the boredom setting in. also sometimes we will say to the other "i'll do it all tonight, you relax." and that is really nice, even if it is just stretching out on the sofa with a book or watching the soaps. i dont find that i have much time for hobbies as a sahm, and with OH away i dont have any childcare in the evenings to allow me to take one up, so when i do have free time i find myself at a loss for what to do with it. i usually just lie down

ShadeofViolet · 16/06/2010 16:24

Maybe you should read some of the OP's other threads before investing lots of time on his made up problem.

booyhoo · 16/06/2010 16:26

oh no is this another one?

kyotokate · 16/06/2010 16:39

"Here [{http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/food/984855-Coca-Cola}]" and "here [{http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/parenting/984875-CBeebies]}". Any more???

kyotokate · 16/06/2010 16:41

Long walks and short piers come to mind.....

Original poster
ElvisCridlington · 16/06/2010 17:15

Ok you got me, just a bit of fun.
I had heard good things about Mumsnet so thought I would have a look.
I could not quite believe how serious some of the topics on the forums were.
All the big issues -
What size nappies should my child wear ?
How long will a large chicken last ?
I had a bad day out at the park !
Should I give my 4yr old pocket money ?
Numerous 'cake issues'
What your favourite toothpaste ?
Here is a list of the food in my fridge freezer....... etc...etc

I will admit probably 5% of the forums do have a serious topic and I am not making fun of anything that helps people with genuine problems, but the rest of it.....Good grief.

So don't feel to much hatred.
By the way I am actually a SAHD with a DS and a DD sometimes I feel like this and at other times I feel like this but I usually work it out and end up like this but never this .

OP posts:
booyhoo · 16/06/2010 17:37

never used one before but

ShirleyKnot · 16/06/2010 17:56

Elvis must be spinning in his grave.

Original poster
ElvisCridlington · 16/06/2010 18:32

He's alive and well and living in Pontypandy, still working with his best friend Sam.
Thought you "Mums" would know that.

I have not heard the phrase "spinning in his grave" for years, thanks for the memories ShirleyKnot. Ahhh the good old sixties...

Hey here's an idea 'Grandmumsnet', I can see it now -

Please help I've dropped a stitch !
What is your favourite colour of wool ?
I love being a Grandma "you can give them back at the end of the day, ho ho".
Buspasses ? Should I get one ?

Good idea ShirleyKnot/kyotokate ??
only joking

OP posts:
ShirleyKnot · 16/06/2010 19:13

Errr, Bella Lasagne had him whacked for refusing to pay protection on his giant hose. I take it you've been too worn out lately to watch the latest episodes?

Oh and old phrases are the cats pajamas actually. I've got a face that you as a "dad" didn't realise that.

AnyHOO, trolling the relationship board is a bit...of a caddish thing to do, old bean. Maybe stick to chat or AIBU?

OR...you could spend some time being amusing on b3ta? Just a thought