What to do when DH friends hate you?

[Paranoid1stTimer]

I have been with DH for a long time. We used to go out with a couple he has known since they were at school. Thing is, although we got on when DH and I started dating, the other wife is really a backstabbing b!tch who will say anything to make herself look good.

I tried to get along with her and when we were out in their company, I thought we got along ok. We would do small talk no problem and I would ask her all about her career and family which was fine for me as I didn't want to tell her too much about me cos she would just use it to b!tch about me to other people (as we found out she did about both DH and me).

Anyway, she is really close with her family and there are loads of them. She is really lucky as they are also great friends to her. They are all the same kind of person where they will be nice (ish) to your face then you find out they have been having a right old b!tch about you. It didn't really affect things until it turned out one of the sisters in the family was dating a guy my DH works with. DH soon found out the sister hates me too! I have never met this sister. DH was saying they have dropped hints that they think I am really sad because we like to watch DVD's on a Saturday night and they think I drink too much!!! How would they even know anything??? I hardly drink and even if I drank bucket loads - how would they know and what is it to do with them???

There are loads of other things that make sense now. We met another of DH's "friend"'s family at the supermarket and they looked me up and down (honestly - I am not exaggerating) and talked at DH about themselves before wandering off, looking back at me and giggling with the friend they were with.

I am quiet and quite shy (which I KNOW is not their type of person) but to dislike me herself is fine. Why does she therefore have to make sure everyone else in her family hate me too to the point of turning their noses at me in the supermarket???

I hate that we are even involved with them because DH doesn't even like the girl involved anyways...

Sorry this is one big waffle but it is really starting to get to me...

DH tells me to ignore it as it is their problem and just shows how small minded and boring their lives must be that they have to be nasty to me even though they don't even know me!

There are lots of other stories too that I can't be bothered to post as they are so trivial but it would also make it obvious who I am if I do...

i had this with DH's friend. The friend's wife belittles me in public beacuse I've not gone back to work since having the DSs. DH would even laugh along with them

It's got to the point, where I feel when they are being rude and childish, then I have no obligation to socialise with them. DH is welcome to go to the pub with his friend, but I don't want to see them. It forces DH to tell them why I'm not there.

My OH hate's the people i hate which is good if i have a problem with them he does to.

He would stick up for me if anyone done that to me.

Not sure what you can do about it tho apart from avoid,avoid,avoid.

Wow Highlander that sounds too familiar. DH just goes along with anything they are saying because he feels it is more of a hassle to stand up to her as she is a total drama queen if anyone goes against her and all hell breaks loose.

Paranoid1stTimer, I would be very very upset (and angry) if my husband went along with anyone saying anything bad about me, just because he didn't want to upset the balance "in case all hell broke loose". So what, your husband should be sticking up for you or at the very least refusing to listen. This woman should not be allowed to bully others like this.

have to say that even my really crap DH would actually have a HUGE issue if anyone was rude about me... He's dropped people stone cold and instantly for much less than you describe.

But first issue first. DON'T GO OUT WITH THEM!

If that puts your DH in an awkward place, then boo bloody hoo, he ought to have stuck up for you in the first place.

Have nothing, and I mean NOTHING more to do with them. they are poisonous. Rise above them.

If I found out one of my DH's friend's had been bitching about me behind my back, I wouldn't see them any more.

And tbh I'd hope my Dh wouldn't want to see them any more.

If someone was doing/saying that about me and dh didn't stand up for me i would lose a lot of respect for him. It is a massive deal imo.

Your dh looks weak if he is seen to tolerate their offensive comments about you. Time he got on his high horse and was very indignant on your behalf. And when meeting acquaintances he should put his arm around you and include you in the conversation - sends out it own message loud and clear.

Placid giant dh hit a now ex friend for being derogatory and rude to me at a party. To say I was is an understatement as usually he is able to diffuse most situations but there is a line you don;t cross and insulting another person's hb/wife to their face is just not done.

Show him this thread.

Avoid this lot like the plague they sound like a total waste of oxygen. Infact can't believe either of you are on speaking terms with this lot As for your DH he should say something to these "friends" when they say awful stuff like that. Did he misplace his spine or something??? If a DP ever let anyone say stuff like that about me he would be on business end of a hissyfit.

Oh dear... This has opened another can of worms that is probably what I am actually p!ssed off about in reality...

I HATE that DH doesn't stand up for me. He says I should be "able to stand up for myself" as I am a big girl etc etc. I am currently having problems trying to work out if he actually gives a sh!t about me at all really. That is a whole other issue though and I am not sure how I want to deal with it...

I am always made to feel that I am over sensitive and overreacting. There are quite a few things over the years that I feel he should have stood up for me over - or at least sided with me but he has not. Things are a bit grey just now and I am so disillusioned. Sigh...

Thanks for your replies - it has actually made me face what I am really worrying about under it all...

And why is your dh repeating these people's comments to you?

Your DH is out of order if you ask me. Yes, you are old enough to look after yourself. But does he not realise that they are massively disrespecting him by bad mouthing his wife front of him. By not defending you he is condoning this crap behaviour. If he doesn't stand up to them he is a spineless twat. You should not have to have these people in your life, cut them out as best you can and give your husband grief.

Sorry to be so harsh in judgement of him.

How about you turn it around and give him a more male version? Ask him what he would feel if his work colleagues criticised him and then his Boss went along with it.

Going along is agreeing. You should be more pissed off with him. He is your husband, and he allows this to continue.

Says more about him, than his friends and this scum he keeps company with.

We have this old norwegian saying: "Tell me who your friends are, and this will tell me what type of person you are".

What a git. Ofcourse you're a big girl and can defend yourself but that doesn't mean he should more or less agree with what these dickheads say about you. If the boot was on the other foot how would he feel/react to being basically betrayed this way?