my children dont like him

[chocyorange]

been with dp for three years, been hard work since the word go. but have had some good times. I think he quite controlling, doesnt like me going out, moans about my kids, moans about my sons father not having him enough, moans about me working weekends, moans about me not being loving towards him, etc.. good points does a lot of diy around house, helps with housework,cooking food shopping etc. trouble is we have got to the point where my boys ds2 21 ds3 13 dont like him, they sat me down to tell me that he is false, they dont like the way dp talks to them or the looks dp gives them, or the way dp talks to me. feeling worn down for a while now and not sure what to do next, have asked dp to leave in the past but he said he not going anywhere and that he would smash everything up in the house after everything he has done in it. I pay rent, council tax, some food, garage rental, tv license, water we share electric and gas, he pays for sky phone and some food so he says even though it is my home he has contributed to it so he not going anywhere. i am to tired for an argument hate things getting nasty, dont no wheather i should stick with it and not be totally happy or listen to my dcs

You have been given some really good advice on here. Just bear in mind that when you try to break up / get him to leave you are often in most danger. I would advise telling Women's Aid, and possibly the Police first so that if they get a call they will be pre-warned.

At least he is not the children's father and you have no economic ties so at least you will not need to have any ongoing contact - you will be free!

I think it has taken a lot of guts for your sons to sit down and talk to you.
Please listen to them, he sounds like a knob

You need to listen carefully to your children here and not put their views to one side.

They can see him in a way that you have not been able to until now. Even you say you are worn down, this is the overall result of being controlled. There was no other outcome for you really.

This is no healthy relationship either for you or them; you have allowed yourself to become controlled by this man who you call your partner. He is no partner, more like immature manchild/parasite.

Controlling men are often angry men as well, the most dangerous time for a woman to leave such a damaging relationship is when you are preparing to leave him. I would also advise calling Womens Aid and having a definate plan of action but you must leave him or he will further destroy you emotionally.

chocyorange- br brave . You are sending the right message to your sons by getting rid of him. He threatened to punch your 8 yr old-think about that

You can get rid, and easily. WA and the police will back you up in removing this man and his belongings from your house and your lives - once he's gone you need never see him again and you can get a restraining order against him if necessary.
Chin up! It's scary but doable, and you will feel SO much better when he's gone.

I'm sure there are many more things you could tell us about what he has done, now get your head round the fact it's not you it's him

chocyorange please don't be scared, once you get this horrible man out of your life things will be so much better, if you get the right protection etc there is no way he can harm you when you tell him to leave.

Listen to your children and your instinct. You don't have to waste your life with this horrible excuse for a human being.

Listen to your DCs-they seem very sensible.

You say your sons sat you down to talk to you about this. That took guts on their part. This "man" is not a DP he's a bullying control freak and you need to get rid of him. Now. Take the other's advice about womans aid etc on board. these organisations are great they helped me alot. Btw you're not a shit mum. You're kids felt able to talk to you bout how they felt that's good thing. Take care.

Listen to your children.

Get rid of him.

chocy...you must rally as much RL help as possible and make this man leave your home

you can swear on here as much as you like

any man who spoke to my children like that would not spend another night under my roof

be careful though, it sounds like he will escalate his abuse and possibly become violent when he realises he is losing his verbal punchbag

have someone with you when you tell him and for as long as possible afterwards, the police on speed-dial and inform your landlord

you can do it, don't let this man run the relationship you have with your sons

It sounds like your children are being quite sensible and want only what's best for the family - their family. Please listen to them. If you are renting rather than mortgaged you don't need to worry about him 'owning' any bit of the house. You can change the locks or find a new place. Best of luck.

hi all thanku for support, went to work yesterday and had good think on plan of next move, today im off to see landlord, going to see about a transfer possibly, as where i live now partner has managed to upset some of neighbours in past year and dont want to stay here on own with ds's. failing that will look into private rent. then going to see police to let them no i may be needing there assistance soon, i am scared but so determined to go through with this i no its the right thing to do for my family to make their lives happier, to not walk on egg shells all the time wil be a great release.

You are SO doing the right thing. Stay strong (((( ))))

just dropping in to send support.

good luck, keep the momentum xx

well firstly well done on bringing up sons with integrity and empathy - they know this isn't on, and they care about YOU

I am chary of screeching "leave him!" on MN but in your case I think it's a no-brainer - he sounds intimidating and vile