Hi, I have three children and have been married to their father for 15 yrs but we have been 'seperated' for the last yr, although he actually is still in the house. He works away for most of the time, 'popping' back maybe once a week and although we are amicable during this time, it's certainly in no way a married relationship. There has been no sex for well over a yr, and he was adamant at this time last yr he wanted a divorce... and yet he has not moved out. I feel this is a convenient relationship now for him. He has access to the kids and the house all on his terms, and his life doesn't actually need to change at all. I am very lonely, but as a child of a broken home myself, realise exactly what will happen to my kids emotionally, financially and practically if I push the pace and lock the door against him. They love their dad, and I do not want to make them feel torn loyalties, or guilty for their mixed feelings. Money is already tight and I do not want to be responsible for making it even tighter. I know for a fact that he can't run another home and still pay towards this one, so lord only knows what would happen there.....
But... I am not old yet, I am 41 and feel that I have spent so much of my life waiting for him.... I still want to be loved, I still want companionship, but as I have been left full time parent with no family close by, I have no opportunity to move on or even just go out socially with friends.
I despise him for the way he has allowed his job to subsume him, and the way he can prioritise his clients over his family with no second thoughts at all.... his children are wonderful, everyone who meets them says so, and yet he hardly sees them, and they miss him.... not as much as they used to, but they miss him. His own family are incredibly close. He hsa no idea the trauma he is preparing to dump on his own children, my instincts tell me to do everything I can to protect them for as long as possible, they are still so young.... but I have no life outside them, and I am so lonely at times.