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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Was this an emotional affair?

9 replies

goodlordy · 14/06/2010 21:24

Never had sex. I have kissed him twice - known each other 7 weeks. His DW has asked for a divorce - absolutely nothing to do with him and I. He says he feels massively relieved - it was at the end but after 12 years didn't know how to end it. We have spoken a lot about feelings and it worried me that it was starting to get out of hand. I do have morals and I knew he was married. I said we had to be friends and he agreed. But I am mad about him.

OP posts:
helicopterview · 14/06/2010 21:43

He sounds like a loser, I'm afraid.

Evidence: kissing you whilst still married. Unable to talk to his wife about the marital problems, just waiting for her to take control.

Is he immature in other ways?

And if you had such good morals, why kiss him at all? Twice. And at that point it reads like you didn't know divorce was on the cards. How do you know it had nothing to do with you? Are you taking this guy's word? He's clearly deceptive because he didn't tell he about you.

I think you need time away from this guy. You have only known him 7 weeks, are you sure he has not been unfaithful before?

Let the divorce happen, and see how you both feel once the divorce is through. That will take a few months.

If I were you I would be advising him to get some counseling over his inability to take control over his own life, or work things out with his wife. Does he have kids?

But don't necessarily listen to me. I'm in a very similar situation to the wife in your sorry story.

AbricotsSecs · 14/06/2010 22:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

celticfairy101 · 14/06/2010 23:55

"I do have morals and I knew he was married."

Says it all really. Sorry to be harsh and good luck with your new relationship.

AnyFucker · 15/06/2010 09:01

This lady will need lots of luck with that one.

qk · 15/06/2010 09:16

helicopter is right:

-instead of tackling his problems with his 12 year relationship, he has kissed you and not tried properly to sort things out with his wife.

-if a person has relationship problems (in a long standing marriage etc), it is their responsibility to try and sort them out PRIOR to kissing other people!

-he has probably shut his wife out whilst he has known you. He is probably being so cruel to her that she wants a divorce - it is to do with you and him, whether directly or indirectly.

-if he treats her like this, he will do it to you in the future!

-you do not have morals - kissing a married man! That's disgraceful behaviour and you have no excuse. True love does not need to be concealed - this is a sordid affair.

WhenwillIfeelnormal · 15/06/2010 09:47

Actually, I'd want verification from his wife that the marriage is really over.

As I read it, he wanted to have an affair with you but the only thing standing in his way was your belated morals about the fact that he was married. Cue what seems to be a vastly coincidental request from his wife for a divorce.....and a reassurance to you that your affair had nothing to do with this request. It's a childish way of removing all his obstacles, attempting to salve your conscience in one fell swoop.

He is presumably too stupid to realise that this story actually paints a worse picture of him - and hopefully you will now see it.

Do you want to be with a man who, rather than afford his wife the dignity of a mature conversation about their marriage, waits until she sacks him, so that she can be the bad guy?

Do you want a man who rather than resolve admitted problems in his marriage, lines up an affair?

After 7 weeks it is unlikely that you know this man at all, but I suspect that you are being fed a line here.

And all this is saying nothing about your own behaviour in this, but suffice to say I think you are in huge denial about your actions thus far.

AnyFucker · 15/06/2010 16:04

Some women really are spectacularly thick

thesunshinesbrightly · 15/06/2010 16:16

"I do have morals and I knew he was married."

Think that is the most stupid thing i have ever read on here.

lazarusb · 16/06/2010 14:29

7 weeks is nothing. He should sort out his marriage one way or the other before he even thinks about getting involved with someone else. Stay well away, you are asking for trouble if you continue with this. How do you think his wife would feel if she knew about you? Would you be able to face her and be honest?

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