Anyone got a good relationship with their (cheating) ex?

[greeneyes747]

In a nutshell, was with ex for 20+ years, married for 15. 2 kids - 11 and 13. Split 4 months ago after he cheated for the 2nd time. He's living nearby, the kids spend half the time with him.

Even though he cheated, I want things to be ok between us for the kids sake (if it was just me, I'd gouge his eyes out). So things are pleasant and even friendly - we had some money things to sort out last week so he came by for tea and we talked for a while over a couple of beers.

Is this just too weird? I DON'T want to get back with him, I feel like he's kind of a friend more than he is my ex husband (maybe that was part of the problem).

Thing is, I don't know anyone who still has a good relationship with their ex. Can it ever work?

Would just like to add DH1 and DP have gone out to the races tonight with some friends.

I'm overwhelmed by the number of positive messages here - thank you everyone. I don't feel like I'm doing anything wrong any more and it will help me bite my tongue when i really do want to gouge his eyes out...

The only time it actually shouldn't be attempted is if the XP is seriously abusive, especially if he's manipulative and mentally abusie rather than physical. You can't be friends with people like that.
However, someone falling out of love with one partner and leaving for a new partner isn't necessarily a bad person and once the dust has settled you generally can move towards amicable co-parenting.

My DD and I have spent all weekend with my XP, he's been at our house. It's been great, easy, fun, relaxed, happy, noisy, lots of laughs....it was the same the weekend before too. It was nothing like that in the last few months we were together.

He's still a liar and a cheat though but that will never change. I am also very aware that as soon as he leaves he will be texting / calling numerous women but that is nothing to do with me now.

I do feel a bit of "he's got everything"....but my DD who is 2.9 loves her Daddy so very very much and he's a brilliant Daddy. It's hard as I love him dearly and I get terribly upset that it didn't work out for us all, I feel a failure that he didn't want us but I know I'm doing the right thing for our DD.

Good for you too.

my ex would say we get on like a house on fire

Well, my ex and his wife (originally the OW) are coming to stay this weekend.
They aren't my favourite people in the world or anything, but I adore DD1 so much and want things to be as easy and nice and amicable as possible for her. Also I moved quite far away so feel a resposibilty to make access as easy as I can. It's not painful for me though (it would have been for the first 2/3 years), if it was I wouldn't do it.

I split from my ex over 18 years ago when the children were very little. It took a lot to be civilised to him and not bad-mouth him to the kids but over time things got easier. Having good friends helped and my children are now all in their 20's. The one thing they tell me is how much easier it was for them that he and I "got on" and didn't argue in front of them. Yes it was hard, but it has been so worth it. I have 3 very well adjusted confident kids who seem to have emerged through all the turmoil with their sanity and respect for both me and him.

Best thing in the world if you can have a good relationship with your ex. We're just starting divorce proceedings and are still polite and kind to each other. It's the best way if you can do it. For everyone.