I need a makeover in every way, motivation tips required please!

[Mummiehunnie]

Hi, had a horrible few years, with abusive ex and courts, had some counselling and realised that the cause of the abuse from him and low self esteem etc was due to childhood, am waiting for more counselling to deal with that!

I have put on loads of weight, I am not taking care of myself as well as I could, ie not blowdrying hair, wearking makeup, doing diy beatuty stuff like facemasks etc!

I am not exercising enough even though I have a lovely gym I pay for each month!

I am resisting eating well, despite buying the right food, it get chucked out in the bin every week!

Motivation is not there with me!

I am on antidepressants the last few months and they are helping, but I am still not movtivated to care for myself enough just yet!

I am in middle of house sale also at present, so have to start packing and chucking stuff soon!

I am using the excuse re viewings and tidying and gardening to avoid the gym right now, I have the time if I made it!

any advice, anyone been here, or got any tips on how to get out of the negative cycle I am in right now?

I bought cut-and-come-again salad. It's in the back garden. Whenever I walk past the salad, I pick a handful & eat it - I get 2 or more helpings of VERY fresh greens that way!

Ready meals come in healthy varieties; half the battle is getting rid of that "Bad Food Guilt". If you can't be arsed to cook, microwave a fish pie.

I also keep chocolate in the fridge at all times. If I can have a few squares now & again, I no longer 'need' to run to the shop for a monster Yorkie (and scoff the lot on the way back). A bunch of bananas is in front of the fridge: that gives me a chance to make the healthier choice before I fetch out the chocolate

If you can afford a colour & restyle at a decent salon, mh, go for it. There's nothing quite so good as having someone else make you beautiful. If you can't, get one of those Color Expert kits (L'oreal, £10) in a new shade, with highlights. Put your face pack on while you wait for the colour to develop.

I used to be super-fit but am now a flabby blob with CFS. I can't exercise much, but now I am, at least, doing pelvic floor & posture exercise while I sit at the computer. Shouldn't think you can see a difference, but I do feel better for it.

You know what, mh? You & me, we may be tired & upset but we're BLOODY GORGEOUS!!!

It sounds like you've got a lot on your plate just now, and you ARE dealing with it by getting counselling and by starting on anti-depressants.

Sometimes looking at the 'bigger picture' of all the things that you're NOT doing can seem daunting, so maybe you should break it down into smaller, more manageable chunks eg 'today I will blow dry my hair and pack 2 boxes', rather than going 'OMG I've got so much to do and I can't face any of it' so you don't do anything - I can identify with this and have wasted days doing very little, rather than just doing a few things.

You have made HUGE steps in getting rid of an abusive ex and you should feel that that is a massive achievement. Try to look more at all the good things you have managed to do, although I know that this is easier said than done.

One step at a time... Good luck

thanks grace, I am good with hair colour thing in the hairdressers!

I love the idea of the cut and come again salad, may go to garden centre on tuesday for some stuff!

room you are so right, breaking it down sounds very good!

thanks guys x

bless you are right Grace, we are gorg!

I'd organise a treat a few months away and aim to look better for it.

I also find that starting off with one week of healthy eating (some sort of detox) gets me in the dieting zone and then I want to do more.

Find some healthy treats you like too. I love porridge, for example - perfect as it is low fat, high fibre and cheap!

I agree with whoever it was that said you have come a huge way so far with getting rid of your ex and planning to move. Good luck

Runing is great for engendering happy feelings and temporary exhillaration! Today I ran 5 k for the first time, after following The Guardian couch potoato to 5 k in 8 weeks programme - you start off only runnning for a minute at a time. I've lost weight too. If you wanted to try but don't want to do it on your own the Women's Running Network do classes for beginners, v. cheap and great fun.

I really would encourage you to try and get back into going the gym even if you just ease yourself back into it really gently. Can you book a refresher session to work out a programme that you can gradually build up to? Throwing yourself straight back into it might cause an injury and it can be really frustrating if you don't achieve what you set out to do but if you set yourself mini targets each week then you'll start to see the results. That will make you feel good physically but the mental benefits are enormous from a relaxation perspective, sleep, confidence boost etc. Perhaps treat yourself to some new gym kit as well to make you look good even if you don't feel very confident. It sounds as if you've had a really tough time and I went through a similar cycle of eating badly, weight gain etc. after I split up with my ex although it sounds as if you've had a lot more to cope with than I've ever had. The fact that you are starting to think of what changes you need to make is really positive in itself. Good luck!

HI MH

As you know Im also having to consider moving as well soon.

I am now in the "use up" stage.

Im charity shopping all the stuff that doesnt fit/ wont fit/ probably was terrible in the first place. Then a carrier bag to the charity shop allows me to "feel good" about my donation to charity.

On another "use up" mission Im trying to whittle down my stash of toiletries. I try to use something every day, including a footcream, a face mask etc. It doesnt always happen, but I do feel better when I do.

Im not so good with the make-up stuff, although when I go "out" I do try although the weather is too warm now and it slicks off my face. But im on the lookout for some tinted facial sun-cream as this might do the trick. the bags under my eyes at the moment are dreadful. so I have dug out an eye cream and am making sure I use this. I have also binned a load of really old stuff that Ill never use or certainly shouldnt! Im aiming to get my next haircut one that doesn't need to be blow-dried. Its something Ive never really been arsed with so I need a haircut that reflects my level of commitment!!

I had to cancel my gym due to an injury to my arm and I am gutted really. I would honestly try really hard to just go once.I think with the gym you need to break into it, if you dont go, its hard to go, once you are going, its easier to go. I never really bought into the "feel good" side of the gym until I started going and seeing how many miles I walked on the treadmill or after an aqua class. Even just going for a few lengths and a jacuzzi, made me feel a lot better and made me feel like I was trying and trying is better than not trying- righT?

Some advice Ive had is to set yourself a timetable every day with something for "you" a real treat built in. So one day to the gym, one day a face mask, one day foot soak, little and often. Im starting to find the more I do the more I want to do. Im going to write mine up this afternoon.

Im not so good on the eating side as Im just cooking for myself at the moment but I need to do better. I have cut and come again salad too, and a bag of chicken breasts in the freezer, so I can just knock up a ceasar salad or a spicy chicken wrap with salad leaves and that will do. But Im going to try to write this in to a timetable as well.

I have to say recently I haven't really felt "worth it" I think a lot of this stuff you have to really feel like you "deserve" to feel good and look good. Eating bad/ bad clothes/ low levels of personal care etc is often a metaphor for self-punishment, certainly Ive found this- my lifes a mess and when I look in the mirror- god above- SO AM I.

I'll encourage you every step of the way, if you encourage me too!

Take care of yourself- in EVERY WAY

Love from 1foot xxxx

1foot - if you are going through a tough time, it is difficult to make yourself feel worth it but you most DEFINITELY are. It sounds as if you are doing a brilliant job of building yourself up.

Little treats are brilliant. I've just discovered Soap & Glory Glowgetter - it is fabulous on my legs and makes them look as if I have been to the gym far more than I actually go - I am totally in love with it and I don't think it broke the bank either. It's little things like that or finding time for a little bit of me time which I'm finding are getting me slowly but surely backon track (although the crunchie and the twix for lunch were pretty naughty ).

MH and 1foot - I know this sounds barmy but have you thought about voluntary work as well? I recently got involved with a charity and although I have less time to spend on myself I've also found that it's given me confidence in giving back to others. Sounds bizarre but hopefully you see where I'm coming from?!!!

Hi MH i think you will be able to get yourself in the right frame of mind, and it shows some commitment that you have come forwrd and opened up.

I hope you are able to gain strength from the comments made on here.

Thanks everyone for your idea's, they are all so helpfull, and I am cherry picking and using the one's that will work right now, and for the future, as I am going along! please keep them going, you are all fab, thanks x

Do you have any plans for yourself today MH?

I bought myself some dresses I probably cant afford on the internet last night! (!!)

Hope you are feeling better x

tidied up earlier, had an estate agent around, emailed a counsellor and mp regarding some stuff from family court I would like them to look into, as mp is now a junior minister he can do something about it in the new legal reforms in family law they are looking into... I just feel broken from the injustice and want to do something tangiable to make it feel like it was not all for nothing, and to think that something good came from it in the end!

I am going to do something this afternoon, not sure what just yet, have loads to do, ironing has mounted up as been gardening and doing various things with kids and had friend over yesterday afternoon, kids trashed upstairs, and garage needs sorting out!

as for doing something for myself, no I have not, apart from wash, dress and make an appointment later for gp, to get more antidepressants as have run out!

Try and find a little something for YOU. Even if its 10 minutes with your feet in a foot soak while reading a book or something. Good luck at the GP, thats something for you, caring for yourself isnt it?

I just bought myself some very colourful hairclips!

And am browsing on ebay to see if there are any clothes I can buy ( cheaply!) to replace some of the rags Ive been going around in

Love from 1foot x

The haircliops sound lovely, have your dresses's arrived yet 1 foot?

I have never used ebay, must be the only one lol x

I have done something nice for ME, I have bagged up the ironing and gotten someone to come around and pick it up, yeah!

I was so upset, as dd had trashed the spare room again, she claimed the cat was stuck, she pulled everything out, washing and ironed clothes all over the place, where they had been sorted out, everything out of the walldrobe that had been stacked neatly and orderly, I am sure she did that out of spite, she punishes me for everything, if she has a bad day at school she takes it out on me, I know now that it is her stuff, I used to get so depressed when she did that to me, I listened to her words, when she told me I was selfish etc, I would take it on, as I had with other people that had done it to me, now I understand that she feels selfish and all the things she accuses me of... I loose heart when she does that, she had wrecked my room the other day with clothes, and her room, I have left the mess as I was advised by psychologist who was working with us as a family;, for her to clean up herself, she has not done so, I have loads of viewings at the weekend, I feel so powerless, if I nag her she will probably do worse, take everything out of drawers and make a bigger mess, as she used to do nearly every day when she was at her worst, I know this is about her dad leaving and her feeling worthless, and me being powerless during his lies, anyways, this time will be over soon!

Oh MH Sounds like she is really trying to put the stops on the move! How very frustrating for you ( and for her I guess)
I hope you find a buyer soon, I know it is such hard work selling up.

Glad you have found something for you, the dresses arnt coming till friday, I did "win" myself a brand new dress with the labels on for 3.00 yesterday off ebay tis at least a 40 quid number in the shops. You should take yourself a-browsing I sell a lot of stuff on there as well so Im only buying it with "free" money from the sale of other tat fantastic items. IN the daytime the bargains are best Might have a little looksie in a bit!

Ex/p is coming over later to collect some things, will make sure I look ok but not 'try too hard' !! Am cooking a dinner so it is chicken, salad, wraps and spicy rice, I need to go out and get some veg in a bit.

Hope today is a good day for you MH x