Our relationship is at the point where we really need to do something about the poisonous atmosphere between us, and splitting up seems to be the rational - although terrifying - thing to do. We've been married 11 years, have a 4 yo ds whom we both adore, and another much-wanted baby due in November.
However, things are really horrible between us, and it can't go on. We both work full time and he does very little around the house, although he thinks he does. He doesn't even iron his shirts, thinks going to the office in a creased shirt is 'fine'. He has drinking buddies at the local pub, although he rarely goes out with them, but unfortunately any real friends he has are in other cities, and his last real friend has just moved overseas. But rather than go out and meet some new friends or join a club, he's sulking indoors, telling me how my friends are pretensious wankers and I've ruined his life because I made him move to this country (of which he's a native). If I suggest how he could meet some new people, or urge him to attend a function, he tells me that I'm being controlling.
He's bitter and snide, and I've always had the sneaking suspicion that most of my friends don't like him very much. I know that my family (in another country) don't particularly like him, but welcome him for my sake. Friends in my home country have hinted quite strongly that I could do better. We've been in this country for 6 years now, in which time he's made few friends, and those he has made, he's moved away from or hardly sees. I have a wide circle of friends of varying degrees of closeness, mostly mums of children the same age as ours, but we have no couple friends. We had two couples that we got on very well with, but one set moved overseas, and I know the other couple dislike DH, as I am still in touch with them via kids' things, but we are no longer invited to things at their house.
I have chosen only one person in RL to talk to about this, a single friend, mother of 2 boys, straight-talker, good sort, who won't make any judgements. Yesterday I told her how miserable we both were, and that we were considering divorcing (which we have talked about a million times in our volatile 11 years) and she eventually made it clear that me moaning about it all wouldn't ruin her fledgling relationship with him, as she wasn't his greatest fan.
It's not a one-way street, as I've certainly said some nasty things in our fights as well, but it can't go on.
I think Life is saying, fairly clearly, move on and you will both be happier apart. But how do I do this? What's the first step? Our son adores his dad, and the new baby arrives in November. We are in a rented flat, which I can't afford to keep on by myself, and how the HELL can I afford to live anywhere on £100 maternity leave? I am absolutely terrified of taking this step, but for the mental and emotional health of all three (soon to be 4) of us, I think we need to split. Practical advice would be very welcome.