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Original poster

If your boyfriend had conned you out of £10,000...

22 replies

maktaitai · 12/06/2010 14:22

... and you were in touch with his adult daughter, would you feel that the daughter had a moral duty to help you financially?

Just wondered.

I'm not going to drip-feed information as I'm feeling fragile, so, I'm the adult daughter in this scenario, and I've got to ring my father's girlfriend this evening to give her the news that what she thought was an investment was actually a scam

I'm not flush day-to-day, but if I were legally responsible I could sell our car, but dh would probably sue me as well if I did! Also I'm relying on having transport to get a job next year.

Not looking forward to the call

OP posts:
DaisymooSteiner · 12/06/2010 14:25

No, I don't think you have any moral obligation to help his girlfriend out financially, unless you knew in advance what he was doing and didn't warn her. Then I think perhaps you would.

ShinyAndNew · 12/06/2010 14:25

No. It's not the daughters call. I would get the police involved though and press charges against her father if it was possible.

If it was not possible, I'd, erm, call in a favour .

akhems · 12/06/2010 14:25

No, I don't think you are responsible, unless you benefitted from it somehow?

Sorry this situation has arisen

dct · 12/06/2010 14:26

no I wouldnt, you didnt do anything. It cant be nice to have to tell her.

muggglewump · 12/06/2010 14:26

No, you are not responsible for your Dad.

annh · 12/06/2010 14:27

What a horrid situation. Why is it up to you to make the call? I presume your DF has refused to make the call? Is he still in a relationship with this woman? Is this definitely a scam or a genuine investment which has not performed? FWIW, I definitely do not think you have any obligation to repay this woman, unless you were involved in the investing or this money or knew in advance it was dodgy, which sounds as if it is not the case.

Hassled · 12/06/2010 14:27

You're not legally or morally responsible for the crimes of your father. It really, really isn't your problem. The father's girlfriend is presumably an adult - she took the decision to trust him and while I feel desperately sorry for her, and she'll be in pieces, this isn't your mess. The best of luck with the call.

Original poster
maktaitai · 12/06/2010 14:29

well daisymoo, i suppose you could say that i did know

i had a very weird call from this lady a year ago, something about could my dad stop calling her so much, and she was finding it stressful; at that time i didn't even know they were still in touch - she lives in another country and is only over here occasionally, don't know when. when i tried to find out what she wanted me to do , she put the phone down on me

we have only spoken 3 times in my life

the family as a whole have only cottoned on to what my dad has been up to in the past few months, and I didn't think to ring her, not that I would off the top of my head have had her number, but i suppose i could have tried harder to find it

oh bejasus!

OP posts:
Original poster
maktaitai · 12/06/2010 14:30

he has another girlfriend in this country and my sister took on trying to make sure she at least knew what was happening, also talked to the police

OP posts:
DaisymooSteiner · 12/06/2010 14:38

So did you know that he was planning to con money out of her in advance?

Original poster
maktaitai · 12/06/2010 14:40

Daisymoo - not exactly. 6 months ago we in the family realised that all the money we'd given him (well, not me, as I don't have a lot atm) for lots of other reasons was going on this scam, and tried to do things to protect the people we thought might give him money. But we/I just never thought of this woman.

OP posts:
DaisymooSteiner · 12/06/2010 14:47

Then I don't think you should feel morally obliged to compensate her.

Sounds like a really shitty situation, but I honestly don't think you have any reason to feel bad, although can understand why you do and think it shows what an honourable person you are to consider helping her out financially.

Antidote · 12/06/2010 14:55

If you are feeling bad about this, you could compromise by giving her all the information that you have that might be helpful to her getting the money back e.g. contact details for your DF, other people who might have been scammed, details of the scam that she might not have, if there is a police contact, etc etc.

I wouldn't feel obliged to help her out financially, unless you had profited from the scam, which it doesn't sound like you did!

Original poster
maktaitai · 12/06/2010 15:07

Thank you all for posting, I appreciate it.

And forever in the future, if a nice gentleman who has always been pleasant to you says he needs money urgently for [insert implausible situation here], never give him a penny you would worry about.

OP posts:
EcoMouse · 12/06/2010 15:20

My X did try to con me out of exactly 10k. I wouldn't have held anyone but him (and myself!) responsible, had I fallen for it.

You sound kind Maktaitai but you are absolutely not responsible, I hope you are able to feel no responsibility or guilt for your fathers behaviour towards others.

Earlybird · 12/06/2010 15:38

Have you or anyone in your family confronted your dad about what he is doing?

Would any of you consider giving the information to the police?

booyhoo · 12/06/2010 15:46

it sounds like he scammed you all, you could have been a victim as much as she is if you had the money to 'invest'. no you have no obligation morally or otherwise. tell her all you know, tell her you are sorry she is in this situation. at the end of the day, she could have done a bit of research to find out what she was investing in, i would if it was £10k.

Original poster
maktaitai · 12/06/2010 21:55

Oof, not a pleasant call but not as bad as I feared in that she stayed calm. Wonder if she really took it in tbh.

Going to have to call again tomorrow which i guess could be the bad one if the penny really drops tonight.

Wondering now whether to cancel seeing my dad next month. Can you cut off contact with parents just because of this sort of thing?

OP posts:
secunda · 12/06/2010 21:57

No, and if she does try to hold you responsible tell her you're sorry but it's not your problem

2rebecca · 12/06/2010 23:25

I can't imagine giving 10k to a bloke who was just my boyfriend. If I was investing in something I'd want to know all the details. She is an adult, she was stupid. If my dad deliberately conned people I'd have little to do with him. I wouldn't feel responsible for the people he cons though.

2rebecca · 12/06/2010 23:28

Also if your dad had 5 kids should you all give money to this rather gullible woman?
Should the richer siblings give more than the poorer ones? It makes no sense. She either tries to go down legal avenues to get the money off your father or puts it down to experience if she can't and reads a bit more about looking after her money for the future.

differentID · 12/06/2010 23:28

you have no moral or legal obligatio to repay any fraction of this money as long as you signed nothing to do with it.

I would however give the police the evidence they needed to charge him with fraud/ obtaining money by deception if I had it.

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