Is this common?

[mslady]

OK. DH and I have been married almost 8 years, 3 kids. when we got together S I L became bffs with his ex girlfriend. I mean big time. I love yous and vacations together, photos everywhere. I really had a hard time with it at first considering S I L would tell me negative things about the ex at first...flirty, selfish etc. So I didnt trust her. Honestly couldnt stand her, SIL brought her home to Christmas on our 1st Christmas with our new baby, 2 days after I asked her just please dont bring her around me. Mind you that was yeeeeaaars ago. I decided to get over it,focus my thinking elsewhere. Had a civil convo with the ex, stating what was told to me about her making the moves on my hubby.
(she denied it of course)... anyway. Ive forgiven because of how long ago it was and that I wasnt forced to be around her any longer and accepted that they are friends. but you know, it sucks. I feel like the outsider. I feel like maybe he should just be with her considering she is more a part of the family and more loved then I am. and apparently after being friends with her for 9 years now shes not going anywhere. I dunno.

I dont know if I started this thread right or not. new. said I had a reply but it was my own post?

You sound low about it all. They have obviously hurt your feelings.

SIL is presumably single and childless? How did anyone else in the family think it was ok for there to be an ex at Christmas with your new baby?

All sounds very dysfunctional. Talk to your husband first about how you feel about this. Or do you feel that he also plays a part in this?

More loved by who? Your SIL? who cares? You are with DH, have been so for almost a decade and have not 1 not 2 but 3 lovely DC!

It's your own insecurity I'm sure that is making things so hard for you. Give yourself a good talking to, look at your lovely family, your DH and tell yourself that you are on the inside, that everyone else is on the outside.

Of course it would be nicer if the exgf was not on the scene, but now 9 years on, at least you can say that the friendship between SIL and exgf is just that now, and is a real friendship between 2 women you happen to know.

Leave it at that, don't let them get to you, there is nothing for you to fear.

You haven't said what your dh thinks of his ex. So 'maybe he should be with her' seems a little over dramatic to me. He's with you. For all these years. With kids. Has he done or said anything to make you think he wants to be with his ex?

I think littlemisshissyfit speaks the truth - but I would feel exactly the same as you do.

@brass - it was VERY dysfunctional at first,Christmas was sucky, S I l is kinda princess so no one tells her anything. DH and I had many many arguements about it. espicially when SIL & ex lived together and he would visit. struck a nerve
I had to push a lot aside. be the bigger person, deal with my insecurities, and honestly I hadnt let it get to me in while, just today it hit me that, damn, it sucks that I dont have a close relationship with
S I L like that, and I tried.

@ littlemisshissyfit.
Ive been over it for years now. but today for some reason it just hit me hard. fam doesnt really understand where im coming from, and honestly out of all her friends this one seems most stable for her. (she has poor judgment in friends)yes they are single party chicks, im not. I know i need to just stop but today for some reason i feel "outside" probably thanks to fb for all the photos of them having a great time. blah

@ Ms sawdust -he hates her now that I got to the point where we get along, but long ago when this started when I asked him to tell her to back off, he said he couldnt be mean like that. I know maybe he should be with her is dramatic, but I just feel like dang, she is BFF with sis in law, in good standing with inlaws, like wth. ya know.

there ain't nothing you can do about your in-laws. if they're just not your type, or you their's - think of them like work colleagues that you ahve to go to xmas parties with and lunches but essentially you're just being polite.

Its OK mslady, we all have crises of confidence, I meant to say, along with FionaSH, in a moment of weakness, there too by the grace of god go I...

mslady, give yourself a good talking to, go pamper yourself. You are a successful, and skilled mother and wife. For all you know, they are all looking at you feeling inadequate, but doing a better job of keeping it hidden.

Between single life and being a mum, to THREE (well done girl, am envious!) I know which I'd rather pick...