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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

"Isn't it great that we never really argue darling".....

27 replies

NoForcepsPlease · 11/06/2010 11:28

DH says this to me from time to time... I can't answer because if I told the truth it would lead to an argument...

We have had some MAJOR arguments in our many years together but somehow and especially since having DS, I have stopped standing up to him at all in the hope of "just keeping the peace" or an "easy life" which is totally shit.

He seriously says that he was talking to the guys at work and they were saying "me n the missus had a HUGE blow out last night - I ended up at my mums" for various things that I know are normal to argue about. He then brags about how we never really argue and I am sure they realise I am a complete doormat...

The most recent thing I am completely pissed off at myself about is that he went out with his mates for a boys night out (started at 11am) and said he would be home about 8pm (which he never is but he means he won't be too late).

Anyway, I didn't see him or hear from him until the next night when he txt me to say he was staying at one of his mates and would get home "asap". I never saw him till the next night...

All that time, his mum had been phoning to find out where he was and then phoning me to tell me what was going on. I said "you know I won't say anything or it will just be a big row" n she just kind of went "mmmm.... I know..." which I think meant how sad but I know what he can be like...

Anyway, when he got home he was kind of sheepish but never apologised and he just went "Whoah - that was a nightmare. Never thought I would make it home!" and took DS away to the park on their own. I didn't say anything atpart from "I was a bit worried about you" and later when they got back I said "You know your Mum was looking for you... I think you are in a bit of trouble there ha ha..." n he went off on one about how sad it was that his mum was checking up on him like he was a wee boy. Think some of this was aimed at me too as some of his comments were along the lines of "if you don't trust someone enough to let them have a night out once a decade then..." blah blah.

I was absolutely seething and just did the little bit silent treatment which doesnt work on him anyway cos it just means he gets more time away from having to pretend to listen to me.

Why do I put up with this?

He is a very kind, considerate man a lot of the time but when he is Mr Hyde he makes me feel so lost and alone. I have been getting some help for anxiety/depression recently which I thought was due to leaving work and becoming a mum as well as some other personal issues but I am now starting to wonder if it is because I feel so insecure with him.

I have days where I think "What have I done - I have messed up my life. Why didn't I get out when I had the opportunity years ago". Alarms bells rang a couple of years into the relationship but when things smoothed over and he was Mr Smooth again, I obviously chose to forget. Then over the years, there have been more nasty, awful things happen that I forget conveniently and then they come flooding back when the next "incident" happens....

I have a very close friend who has the same anxiety issues as me and seems to have a similar kind of situation with her DH. From the outside they have the perfect relationship though. We have recently found that the two of us have been sharing our similar stories for years thinking it must be kind of common for relationships to be like this but since becoming mothers ourselves and (her especially) getting to know other couples with kids and their relationships, we are actually in the minority. A lot of other couples seem to be able to be best friends and feel relaxed and comfortable to be themselves and also have a little argument over whose turn it is to stack the dishwasher or do the washing etc without it turning into a "man storms out so the conflict can not be resolved and only returns when woman shuts the fuck up"...

When I do a list of pro's for the relationship I can get millions of things to be thankful for but I can't help thinking are they worth it for the occasional really, really nasty things that happen and always niggle at the back of my mind..."

Feel that I should say that nothing physically has happened - no violence but all psychological. Stuff like denying things he has actually done. Saying I said things I didn't say. Flat out lying to "win" an argument. Asking for "examples" of things he has done (I doubt it would be healthy for me to keep a mental/physical note of all the things he has ever done as I am sure I have done things that annoy him too and he would list them if I dared to remind him of anything he has done in the past). Also, the main thing he does is if the "argument" is not winable or he seems to be "losing" he will just walk out, get in the car and disappear.

Granted, we don't argue often because of what would happen in we did ie the above paragraph.

OP posts:
harrierhom · 11/06/2010 11:35

I went through the same with my ex wife, I have great sympathy for you, i used to shut up to keep the peace. Have a look at my "Is my partner cheating on me?" thread. Theres a bit of an insight on there.

I lefter her in the end after i ended up on prozac and seeing a pyschiatrist from the effects of 15 years of similar.

Tho things are not too rosy for me again at the moment.

tethersend · 11/06/2010 11:38

I think he is cheating on you. Sorry, but I do.

He starts arguments in order to deflect from this.

NicknameTaken · 11/06/2010 11:46

"I doubt it would be healthy for me to keep a mental/physical note of all the things he has ever done"

I'm not sure about this - I think a good strategy is to keep a diary, to help you look clearly at how often this happens and how bad it is. You also might want to look into some counselling for yourself. I'm not saying you have to leave him immediately, but I do think you need to find ways to really look at this situation objectively. There are some unhealthy patterns between you and your H. When you have real clarity about what is happening, you can explore ways to change the pattern. You might end up choosing to say or to go, but at least it will be an informed choice, not just drifting along in a situation that you're unhappy with.

msrisotto · 11/06/2010 11:52

God you sound miserable and reading your post made me really sad .

FWIW it barely matters if he is cheating on you because he sounds horrible from where i'm sitting.

cestlavielife · 11/06/2010 12:10

read up on the cycle of abuse - people like this are nice sometimes - keeps you hooked. doesnt make it worthwhile tho.
www.hiddenhurt.co.uk/Abuser/dynamics.htm

and yes start keeping a diary...you may well need it...

what si your relationship with his mum? sopmehow it almost seems like you colluding with her in allowing him to behave tlike this - pack him off to her.

next time he disappears for 24 hours DONT let him back in! he isnt taking his repsonsibilities to you and your dcs seriously... has no respect for you at all

IsGraceAvailable · 11/06/2010 12:16

For your own mental health, I think you need to stand up for yourself. You don't need to provide 'proof' that you are right - or, even, to win an argument - just stand up for your right to disagree. When he asks for proof, just tell him you'd like him to respect your view. He's behaving like a "Bossy Parent" and you're like a "Firghtened Child". Try to stay in Adult mode the whole time, and treat him as if he were an Adult, too.

I'm not suggesting this will help your relationship much, if all. It should help you remember who you are, though, and help you get a clear picture of who he is (and if you want to live with him like that).

You'll have to give up silent treatments, sideways remarks and any other passive-aggressive/stroppy/shy things you do. Deep breath & count to ten always helps.

I know it looks tough but this is FAR easier to do than it seems! Wishing you luck.

qk · 11/06/2010 12:16

Similar happened to me and it turned out DH was cheating. Fortunately, it had not been going on too long and he realised that he did not want to lose me and we have done everything we can to improve things and we are looking positive for the future. And yes, that means we argue sometimes, because it is important for both of us to have our say. I think your DH needs shaking up - I'd throw him out (to his mum). In fact, my MIL was very helpful to me when DH was cheating and she bollocked the hell out of him.

BottleOfRum · 11/06/2010 12:23

I agree with NicknameTaken, I think a diary WOULD be helpful to you. My situation isn't unsimilar to yours, and I've gone from being a very confident person to a complete doormat, and will never open my mouth, because it ensures an easier life. Whenever we do argue, DP gets so vicious with his words and insults, that I will do ANYTHING to stop it getting to that stage.

So I've started a diary. I make a note of any time we have confrontation, what was said, how it was dealt with, how I felt after etc. I'm going to read over it in six months time, and If I feel its something to be ashamed of, I will leave. I need something to keep a record of his bad behaviour so If I do leave, I can say to myself "You tried, you gave him chances, he was never going to change", and because I also know that if I do leave, reading that diary would stop me weakening and going back.

I started a thread a while back about 'healthy arguing' (see here ) and got some really got advice (I'm signed up to start an assertiveness course at work in a few months, and the thread gave some good links to the relate website I think about 'healthy' arguing' etc.)

I would never say "leave" or "he has no respect for you" because I don't know about those times when he IS wonderful, and when he IS being perfect, but all I'd say is be aware that his bahviour hurts you, monitor it, and don't be afraid to leave if you have to. Thinking of you.

beingsetup · 11/06/2010 12:23

Check out the npd thread I think you might find it illuminating.

So before you start doubting the truth because he has bullied you and you aren't strong enough to stand up to him every single time and tell him he is wrong, and before he totally destroys your personality and self worth read the thread.

I think you must know in your gut that keeping quiet is denying your own feelings, and that something is wrong.

My ex used to bully us all like this and we were all scared to stand up to him. Guess what it didn't get any better with time.

NoForcepsPlease · 11/06/2010 12:31

Thanks for the replies. I have been feeling like this for a long time, lurking about for some info on MN and had to register just to get this off my chest.

I think I am too scared to keep a diary or something because it might highlight the fact that these things happen all the time - at least little things that he does.

He CAN be really amazing sometimes but it is ruined by the lack of respect. He really seems to believe we have this wonderful relationship (obviously it is wonderful for him cos he gets to do what he wants all the time).

I have no real friends any more and I am not close to my family (my family have always been very emotionally guarded and cold. Old fashioned and religious types - not that this is why they are so distant)
I am scared to stand up to him as I don't know what I would do/where I would go. It seems like it is not really THAT bad - just these horrible situations from time to time and if I do argue he turns it all round on me making me look like some crazy ranting idiot.

He was throwing water balloons for DS last week and DS was laughing, then out of the blue one hit me square in the face. I was not even near where they were playing and was distracted looking at a plane flying over when it happened. I got a shock and my eye stung when the balloon popped in my face so I instinctively went "Ah!" and puts my hands up to my face. He started scowling and said to DS (who is nearly 2) "Ahhh poor mummy! What a drama queen! Come OFF IT!" etc etc and I got quite upset and shouted at him because it DID hurt and I am entitled to react instinctively as I do not really control that on purpose so he scooped up DS ranting that I had upset DS with all my "screaming" saying "look at him he is terrified". I did feel really guilty for shouting in front of DS but I was so angry at being scolded for being hit in the face with a water balloon. No apology. He never apologises.

Oh, and if he was cheating at least that would give me "good reason" to leave. Not that I actually want to leave him though. I am not even sure if I love him any more or if I am just too scared to do anything about it. We have a great time sometimes and I actually think to myself "Why in the hell was I thinking of leaving him? I love him soooo much" and then a few days later something happens and I think "Now, try to remember how in love you were the other day..."

I am so confused...

I have to go just now but I really appreciate your help with this as it is not something I have spoken with apart from with my best mate and she is in the same boat so we end up talking about how we would be stupid to leave since it is not ALWYAS like this and we have no money/job/life outside of our relationships anymore anyways...

Sorry to ramble on but I will be back in a while so thanks again foryour replies...

OP posts:
IsGraceAvailable · 11/06/2010 12:51

That balloon incident is a bit chilling to read.

1] Denied your reality (it hurt)
2] Denied your right to express your feelings (come off it)
3] Ridiculed you (drama queen)
4] Tried to manipulate DS (telling him he was terrified)
5] Tried to use DS against you

This is all very Not Good, I'm afraid. There are several, strikingly similar, incidents in the NPD thread - all including the scooping of the child!

beingsetup · 11/06/2010 13:42

How about looking for a job, getting some hobbies and trying new things while you decide what you want to do?

ducati · 11/06/2010 13:50

This is truly terrible. He actually smacked you in the face (with a water balloon) on purpose and then slagged you off for being upset.

I think you have been totally worn down by this man to the point you may have lost your judgement and are not sure whether or not this is acceptable behaviour, and he has gone so far down the path of pushing you around/ignoring your feelings that he thinks whacking his wife in the face is just fine.

I think you have taken a very important step forward, which is to start acknowledging reality by writing it on this post. The scales have fallen from your eyes, which is a pretty terrifying prospect. YOu may find you see a lot of stuff differently from now on. Please see a therapist or something and explore why you are prepared to put up with this shoddy treatment, instead of being cherished and respected.

You say you have nowhere to go, few friends etc, but you are entitled to stay put and ask him to move out for a while, if that is what you think you need. He seems to quite like skipping off anyway. And you will make lots of friends thru nursery and school etc when you do not feel so terrible

dittany · 11/06/2010 13:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

shimmerysilverglitter · 11/06/2010 14:11

He sounds like my ex. Scarily just like my ex.

The water balloon incident is very scary. Basically if this is a standard way that he behaves towards you, this denial of your right to feel and react instincively will in the long run do you immense mental harm. You end up becoming disconnected from your emotions and this will apply to every area of your life until you become paralysed and don't even know WHAT you should be feeling anymore. I am sorry if that sounds scare mongering but I have been there.

You need to read the books that have been recommended, you will find your dh in them. How well I know that feeling of not being quite sure what just happened here, of trying to talk about something that hurt and upset you only to have it twisted around and flung back in your face or some ridiculous example of your own behaviour 5 years ago used as an example as to why you shouldn't be taken seriously and used to deflect you from making your point and resolving anything. The walking out and refusing to discuss (stonewalling) etc. I would also suggest this one too Living with the Dominator.

I went mad in the end, quite literally mad and had a nervous break down. Not sure I will ever feel 100% again but it is certainly better since I got rid of him.

NoForcepsPlease · 11/06/2010 19:34

Thank you all so much for your words and advice here. I feel a bit sick now actually. At first I was shocked then a bit kind of elated that I might actually be right that I should not be treated in this way but now I have realised I have to deal with things.

I have been realising lately that I only get one life and I don't want it to be like this. I can't just keep waiting for it to get better.

I have to go again just now but I wanted to drop back in again to say thank you so much and I will be looking up the info you have recommended and the books.

BottleOfRum I am thinking of how to get a diary started that won't be discovered - I seem to be rubbish at hiding stuff. That sounds like a really sensible idea and having the bad stuff to read back over once things calm down again is good as sometimes I forget what happened in reality as I like to just forget it all and move on.

OP posts:
dittany · 11/06/2010 19:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

moondog · 11/06/2010 19:39

What he just went missing for two nights??

NoForcepsPlease · 11/06/2010 19:39

Oh, and yes dittany he is always bumping into me, getting in my way (but it seems like I am in his way somehow even though I may have been there first) and a few years after we started dating I noticed he was getting more dangerous at driving and shouting abuse at other drivers (from the confines of the car of course - not confronting them) which is all behavious he knows un nerves me. I never really thought about that before but now you have pointed it out, he does all of what you mention...

Thanks again for the help. I will check out the links when I have some time to myself

OP posts:
dittany · 11/06/2010 19:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BelleDameSansMerci · 11/06/2010 19:46

NoForceps your comment that you are scared of what might happen if you stand up for yourself is quite chilling.

I'm worried about you. Please will you let us know how you're getting on/feeling? x

I don't normally post on threads such as this because I have nothing to give but my support. Your post made me feel very sad for you though.

dittany · 11/06/2010 19:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Miggsie · 11/06/2010 19:51

also, check out the emotional abuse thread

dignified · 11/06/2010 20:40

www.heartless-bitches.com/rants/manipulator/emotional_abuse.shtml

Sorry your going through this , the link might help. Re him asking you for a list of examples , hes not really asking you at all, hes challenging you to bring anything up so he can deny it then has a reason to rage at you.. Bollocks to the accidently bumping into you as well. Is he accidently bumping into his boss , or just you ?

And the road rage , its designed to intimidate you, like a bully i bet he mostly does it to women , bet he never dares confront anyone in person. Its never a good sign.

Perhaps keep a diary on here as others suggest , because bullys are experts at denying your experiences , so much so that eventually you start to doubt it yourself. Im not surprised you keep quiet , i did too, it just wasnt worth it , and thats no way to live. You deserve better.

sincitylover · 11/06/2010 22:56

that article is fantastic and describes my exh to a T

Thank you