DH says this to me from time to time... I can't answer because if I told the truth it would lead to an argument...
We have had some MAJOR arguments in our many years together but somehow and especially since having DS, I have stopped standing up to him at all in the hope of "just keeping the peace" or an "easy life" which is totally shit.
He seriously says that he was talking to the guys at work and they were saying "me n the missus had a HUGE blow out last night - I ended up at my mums" for various things that I know are normal to argue about. He then brags about how we never really argue and I am sure they realise I am a complete doormat...
The most recent thing I am completely pissed off at myself about is that he went out with his mates for a boys night out (started at 11am) and said he would be home about 8pm (which he never is but he means he won't be too late).
Anyway, I didn't see him or hear from him until the next night when he txt me to say he was staying at one of his mates and would get home "asap". I never saw him till the next night...
All that time, his mum had been phoning to find out where he was and then phoning me to tell me what was going on. I said "you know I won't say anything or it will just be a big row" n she just kind of went "mmmm.... I know..." which I think meant how sad but I know what he can be like...
Anyway, when he got home he was kind of sheepish but never apologised and he just went "Whoah - that was a nightmare. Never thought I would make it home!" and took DS away to the park on their own. I didn't say anything atpart from "I was a bit worried about you" and later when they got back I said "You know your Mum was looking for you... I think you are in a bit of trouble there ha ha..." n he went off on one about how sad it was that his mum was checking up on him like he was a wee boy. Think some of this was aimed at me too as some of his comments were along the lines of "if you don't trust someone enough to let them have a night out once a decade then..." blah blah.
I was absolutely seething and just did the little bit silent treatment which doesnt work on him anyway cos it just means he gets more time away from having to pretend to listen to me.
Why do I put up with this?
He is a very kind, considerate man a lot of the time but when he is Mr Hyde he makes me feel so lost and alone. I have been getting some help for anxiety/depression recently which I thought was due to leaving work and becoming a mum as well as some other personal issues but I am now starting to wonder if it is because I feel so insecure with him.
I have days where I think "What have I done - I have messed up my life. Why didn't I get out when I had the opportunity years ago". Alarms bells rang a couple of years into the relationship but when things smoothed over and he was Mr Smooth again, I obviously chose to forget. Then over the years, there have been more nasty, awful things happen that I forget conveniently and then they come flooding back when the next "incident" happens....
I have a very close friend who has the same anxiety issues as me and seems to have a similar kind of situation with her DH. From the outside they have the perfect relationship though. We have recently found that the two of us have been sharing our similar stories for years thinking it must be kind of common for relationships to be like this but since becoming mothers ourselves and (her especially) getting to know other couples with kids and their relationships, we are actually in the minority. A lot of other couples seem to be able to be best friends and feel relaxed and comfortable to be themselves and also have a little argument over whose turn it is to stack the dishwasher or do the washing etc without it turning into a "man storms out so the conflict can not be resolved and only returns when woman shuts the fuck up"...
When I do a list of pro's for the relationship I can get millions of things to be thankful for but I can't help thinking are they worth it for the occasional really, really nasty things that happen and always niggle at the back of my mind..."
Feel that I should say that nothing physically has happened - no violence but all psychological. Stuff like denying things he has actually done. Saying I said things I didn't say. Flat out lying to "win" an argument. Asking for "examples" of things he has done (I doubt it would be healthy for me to keep a mental/physical note of all the things he has ever done as I am sure I have done things that annoy him too and he would list them if I dared to remind him of anything he has done in the past). Also, the main thing he does is if the "argument" is not winable or he seems to be "losing" he will just walk out, get in the car and disappear.
Granted, we don't argue often because of what would happen in we did ie the above paragraph.