Bit worried about sister

[giraffesCANdriveAcar]

Shes on a course she likes at uni, final year, has friends and a bf who she has been with a few years and seems really nice.

The thing I am worried about is she lives in a really really messy flat (You can't walk about in it for mess, apart from a wee path through the mess) - and have heard from my other sister its worse since I last saw it. My worry is that I know when I was living at home my room was a bit like that and its because I was depressed, and whenever I have struggled with depression I have gone back to being a bit like that. I am fine now and have been for a while but I am concerned for her.

I dont have a very close relationship with her - mainly because I dont talk to our mother and she does, its all a bit akward. But shes coming round today, I will ask her how things are in general.

she might be ok, my room was a bit like you describe at uni - little paths through a ton of clothes, books, pizza boxes all over the floor. i was happy enough, there was just so much going on what with uni work, part time job, boyfriend, going out, hanging around with housemates in other parts of the house - was rarely in my room and when i was, tidying up really was last on the list of things to do. it did happen occasionally but soon turned into a tip again.

i hope it's the case that she's too busy to tidy up too. it certainly sounds like she has a good social life, and the final year is pretty intense with uni work.

you sound like a very caring sister

Could you offer to go down, hep out with a bit of clearing/cleaning & go out for lunch? Make it a bit jolly?

Leave her alone. She won't appreciate your intervention -- do you seriously think she doesn't realise her room is a mess? My room at university was always a disaster zone because I was too busy getting my degree and working to pay for it to bother with anything but the shared housework. I am pretty good at cleaning up after myself now.

Student rooms are often messy, you know It might be an indicator she's depressed ... it might be an indicator she's untidy & has better things to do.

I'd ask her how she's doing, and maybe (if appropriate) talk a bit about your depression (not in depth - just to give her a chance to open up if she needs to) But don't assume that the untidyness = depression equation works as directly for her as it might so for you.

It's nice that you're worrying about her

It is nice that you're worrying about her!
I agree, state of home is often a relection of state of mind. It's a cliche but very true in my case, as in yours. As her sister, you're quite likely to know whether hers is a 'misery mess' or general student crap.

While my sister's DCs were little, her house was filthy. I used to give the kitchen a good clean when I visited. I couldn't offer to do it, as that sounded to her like an insult ... but she was always pleased when I'd done it