Can you be happy being 'unhappily married'?

[soursusan]

I have been with dh for 13 years, and married for 10. We have two dcs. For alot of the past 7 years I have been unhappy, and now accept that I will never be happy with dh. However, I am terrified of the consequences of splitting up, hurting everyone in my family especially my children. Has anyone else been in a similar situation, and resigned themselves to making the best of things, and finding happiness from the other things in life? Is this possible?

I can see this is an old thread but wondered how you got on Soursusan as I find myself in your position too x

I’d like to know also how you got on. I’m in the same position.

I am in a similar position I think it depends on how you can cope we don’t argue but don’t communicate much either sometimes I just want to grab a bag and go then other times I can’t bear the idea of not seeing my dc every day this would make me more miserable it’s easier said than done have you told him how you feel? Have you both checked out or is he oblivious to your feelings?

This is a question i am asking myself. I have been happily married for over 30 years, my children are now grown up but things this last year have changed, our sex life is non-existant due to my husband who has depression, (we have always had a healthy sex life before this) and we are drifting apart. I am deeply unhappy and I often think is it worth carrying on, I know if we were to separate it would devastate my children but i don't want to lead a loveless life. I have tried talking to him about this but he just gets upset so i just carry on and go through the motions every day. I sympathise with you, it's not easy to pretend you are happy when deep down you are not. I do love my husband and he is a good man so I just keep carrying on.

Knew dp for 20, married 13. 1 dc (7). Divorced in April this year for the same reasons. I was incredibly lonely but deeply affected by the sudden loss of our child. I didn’t get the emotional support I needed and we grew apart and into different people. I do not regret the divorce for a single second. Parenting is easier, I have more time to myself, I travel more. I am still v lonely as I haven’t had any love, affection, companionship for years. I have tried OLD and the rejection is quite hard. In many ways the grass is definitely greener as I’ve grown in confidence and strength. On the other hand, there are real challenges to meeting someone new. My marriage was killing me inside and I wasn’t a properly functioning person for so long. I’m certainly happier now!
Wishing you all the best.

Marriage is the best passion killer there is.... unless both of you really work at it. I'll never get married again..Most married couples I know are unhappy or downright miserable. I think marriage breeds complacency, you got you W or H now so do not need to make as much effort. How many threads on here go on about one partner in a marriage stopping sex, affection or both? I firmly believe that if you want a happy long-term partner you have to be somewhat out or reach, to keep the other hungry for you...if that makes sense. Sounds a bit strange but keeping that desire going is hard and who says it has to be logical?

It’s really hard as I have 3 children. The older 2 are adult/almost adult and would want to be with me. My youngest is only 10 and very much a daddy’s girl. I work ft and the breadwinner. He’s carved out a nice little niche for himself working pt and doing the school runs etc. I’m afraid that in eyes of legal system he’d get custody of DD and id have to pay maintenance. We also have a house together that he’s barely contributed to but that would be split equally. I can financially support myself and children but fear id also have to support him. There is no love, interest or affection from him and he’s unsupportive through some awful emotional times. I really want out but fear of losing my daughter and having to support him stop me. xx

I couldn't be anyway, i don't see how anyone could really