Can men and women really be just good friends?

[blurr]

I have recently being meeting my friend's husband. When I say seeing, I was helping him with his work and we would catch lunch. Recently however, we have been chatting on the phone and he asked to meet for lunch, not work-related. We are good friends but I haven't told my girl friend as I feel odd going out with her husband.

Nothing has happened and probably wouldn't although he does sometimes flirt, but this is part of his personality.

We didn't end up meeting for lunch as I felt awkward about it and I think he got the message but not sure if I am over - reacting and stopping myself from being friends. Although I have to admit I felt relieved that we didn't go out.

To add to this my DH also had an affair with my best friend, so I would never get involved with a friends husband.

So is it possible to go out with a man (a friend's husband) and it is totally innocent?

i think no too - there is always a degree of attraction on one side.the posters who have answered yes to op question, maybe their male friends have an agenda??

I think it's a sad, sad thing if women and men can't be friends without one or the other having an attraction. Are we really reduced to that level?

Besides, if a man and a woman couldn't just be friends, bisexual people would be screwed

But OP yes I think this isn't about whether men and women can be friends in general, I think this is about how you and your friend's DH feel about each other, and if there is any doubt, you should not continue to see each other, it will only end in tears.

yes

Yes perfectly possible in general. But clearly not in this case.

"We are good friends but I haven't told my girl friend as I feel odd going out with her husband." Read this back and put yourself in your friend's shoes, blurr, and I'm sure you can answer your own question.

Yes they can, providing one of them hasn't got an ulterior motive.

oooh - Oldish thread!

Yes, men and women can just be good friends, but this is not the case here. If I go out to dinner with my good male friends, both our partners know about it and there is no secrecy about it. There isnt even the thought on either side that nothing would probably happen. It just wouldn't. You really need to step away from this relationship.

YES. I have quite alot of male friends, a couple in particular who I meet for lunch, go out for a few drinks with and speak to everyday.

DH knows this and is not bothered in the slightest, he trust me and he knows I adore him.

First - I think the dynamics are very different when you are single, and amongst single people (eg at university) compared to when you are married/LTR and most of your friends are similar (ie the rest of your life).

OPs question is in the second context: she is married and friends with a friends husband.

Is it possible for this friendship to continue without leading to emotional/sexual intimacy that would be regarded as an affair by their partners? i think this is possible but, like Harry, I think that the sex-thing is always out there. So an opposite-sex friendship is always more dangerous, and more risky than a same-sex.

Also my experience is that though it is possible to have a friendhip and restrian from intimacy, in actual fact it is unlikely.

blurr, I am a bloke, btw. I think, yes, of course they can. But that isn't the question you're asking. You really want to ask whether the behaviour you describe is likely to cause problems, and the answer is YES, and it already is!

As you put it, you haven't told your girl friend (about chats, lunches, and good times) as you'd feel a bit odd. And he flirts with you, but that's just part of his personality.

Erm, that doesn't make sense. Have you ever seen unilateral flirting? It only works if you're getting rewarded for it. Sounds like you are both deluding yourselves. Much more of this, especially the non-disclosure of meetings with him, and you know you're basically heading for an affair.

Explain the difference between being really good friends and having an emotional affair?

Hi, just seen that this thread had picked up again.

RandyRussian, this is where the line is crossed from good friends to emotional affair.

The book ' just good friends' explains this brilliantly. I read this book as my DH had an affair and it helped me understand why and how emotional affairs start.

I think you can have a platonic relationship with the opposite sex as long as everyone in the equation is aware of it.

As someone else mentioned, where couples are concerned, it would bother me if my friend was having lunch with my husband and I didn't know about it. If a couple's relationship was strong, they would be able to talk to each other. Confiding in the opposite sex can and does lead to affairs.

I have backed off from this friend, the school holidays are helping but I am now in the middle of another personal crisis and desperately want my male friends advice, but have not gone to speak to him yet. I think another thread on my problems may be the answer.

The attraction of slipping into a relationship with a friend is that they know your good points and bad points so well and you feel comfortable with someone you have known for a long time.

Having recently found out that my partner (of 7yrs) has had a (secret) friendship for the past year, I'm struggling to see it as something innocent. Averaging 80 texts/calls a month, mostly very late at night and only when he hasn't been staying at mine, they both insist nothing physical happened, but I still feel betrayed and very hurt. Particularly as I have asked him about her over the year as I know they're both attracted to each other, and was told I was being paranoid. Is this cheating? He's bitterly sorry now and has severed all contact with her, but I've lost all trust in someone I was planning a future with and who could so easily look me in the face and lie.

I thik there's a big difference between having female/male friends and having secret female/male friends.

if you knew about her then was it really a secret?

if he's severed his friendship then I would suggest that either it was more than just friends or he really realises how much it has upset you and is prepared to do anything to prove he doesn't want to hurt you.

Thanks - I knew about her as I'd bumped into him giving her a lift to one of his classes last August and was confused as to why he hadn't mentioned it at the time. Since then, he stopped talking about her completely and whenever I raised asked how she was (he chats about so many different people in his classes), he'd say he hadn't seen her, or that she been at the class and they hadn't spoken, etc. Over time I became suspicious but he always reassured me it was all in my imagination.

I have a couple of male friends that I meet up with every now and again and a very close male friend that I go away with and text every day. However the close friend is 20+ years younger than me and gay and in a stable relationship so no sexual attraction there!!

The other friends are not a secret to my DH. A few months will go by and I may get a text or email. The thing is I can say to DH 'Oh had a chat with x, I'm having a catch up at Nandos next week, Fancy coming?' He is more than likely to say no but I am happy if he were to come.

If I met up without a word I would be ashamed. TBH I wouldn't dream of going anywhere without telling DH. Not for any control reasons or anything, just because I'm natually chatty, sometimes to the point of driving him mad!