how do the children cope?

[feelathome]

A week ago my husband decided he does not love me anymore.

He is taking antidepressents, so i think that might be the cause of his lack of feelings, and he says he does not know what he wants to do.

My biggest worry is if he leaves, how will the kids cope? DD is 7 and would be heartbroken. How will I help her get through it? He is her world and I just can't think how she will be able to deal with it.
DS is not yet 2, so I dont think he will be so affected.

Anyone got any words of wisdom for me?

Could you talk to him about seeing a Relate counsellor together? Do you want him stay?

Whatever happens, whether he leaves or not, he won't stop being their father. It'll just be different - if you're both reasonable about access (I had shared custody with Ex-H) then both DCs will continue to have a good relationship with him. It will be a big adjustment, but one she will get through as long as you help make it easy - which means neither of you slagging the other one off in front of her, regardless of the circumstances. It's bloody hard to put your personal upset and bitterness aside, but you have to treat access as a completely seperate issue to your relationship (or lack of) with your DH.

I'm sorry you're going through all this - I second Relate, even if you go one your own, as being very useful.

He mentioned relate, but then the doctor gave him antidepressents, and booked him in with a councillor. He says when he has seen the councillor he will know more about how he feels.

I am just sitting here waiting for him to make up his mind about the rest of my life.

I still love him, there is nothing wrong with the relationship that I know of, just his depression.

I will cope if he leaves, I am an adult, but she is so young.

I would never stop the children seeing him, but he is thinking about moving 200 miles away, so it will be hard.
He is not sure yet if he wants me to go with him or not.
I have no control in this decision, I just have to wait for him to sort himself out.

I think the fact that he hasn't just gone is a positive thing. he's obviously very confused and isn't sure what he's thinking. It's good he's mentioned relate.
Has he said he thinks there's nothing wrong with the relationship?

Could you get away for a few days without the DCs? - somewhere remote like the Lakes or Scotland where you can both have time to think alone and chat together? The pressures of everyday with the routine of family life can often maek it harder to chat or think properly.

i feel for you so much, my dad left my mum when i was ten, my brother was 6 and my big sister 12, my dad just decicided he didnt love my mum no longer and moved to inverness and started a new life.
i cant say it affected us that much to be honest, we were so young that we didnt really understand exactly what was happening, but they still both treated us the same.

i think in a way, it made our relationship closer and stronger with my mother, im 27 now, and ive had such a good unbringing from my mum, i see my dad occasionally, but i stuck by my mum all the way.

she became such a strong woman, went on to meet someone trully amazing, and life is sweet for her.
i know you cant see it just yet but you'll be ok, once your husband has sorted himself out, maybe you can sort things out? maybe just let him take the time he needs.

but keep your chin up chick theres alwasy a silver lining, although hard to see straight away
hope your ok, thoughts are with you xx

I was 11 and my brother 8 when my mum left. Just having family around was good for us. Being allowed to ask questions about it, being reassured it wasn't our fault, seeing our dad and being there for him too helped us. I left my ex when ds was 5, it wasn't easy but children are so good at making sense of things you can't.
Sorry you are having such a rough time, it does get better, please don't feel guilty re: your dcs, unfortunately these things happen but you will get through it x