Are some people just better suited to living alone?

[TrappedinSuburbia]

ie, me.

Everytime I have lived with someone in the past, I end up feeling suffocated and trapped.

I have been living with current dp for around 5 years and feel the same.
I would much prefer that we lived seperately/went back to the way we were before we lived together, ie see each other weekends/ couple of times during week.

I cannot seem to cope with the everyday humdrum of living with someone, picking up the dirty socks, cooking for the thousands etc.
It really gets me down and I have been on anti depressants in the past for these feelings.

I have told dp how I felt around a month ago, he was devastated but had to admit that we both hadn't been happy for a long time the way things are.

Us living seperately was my suggestion to solving these problems (i'm well aware that if he moves out, he may hate me for it and the relationship may peter out).

He's not brought it up since, I don't have the heart to as his dad is very ill with cancer at the moment.

There are children on both sides, so would really like to keep things amicable for their sake (its really because of them that I haven't said anything sooner).

I feel i've lost who I am!

Am I just incredibly selfish or are there people just genuinly not suited to a 'full time' relationship?

Yes, me. I know exactly what you mean and I completely sympathise. You are not the slightest bit odd, you are just willing to be more independant than a lot of others.

Yes, me.

I much prefer living on my own to living with a partner and actually enjoy my own company.

Not saying I wouldn't like a relationship but I really don't want to live with anyone ever again.

And to answer, no you don't sound selfish at all.

In response to thread title - YES. I am.

In fact I wouldn't give a DP/DH houseroom.

Been there, tried that, you can shove it!

Me too. I can get quite snappy when I haven't got my own space. I'd rather my partner was for the most part, part of my 'me' time than part of the humdrum/hardwork/relentless demands of daily life. I'd rather enjoy a few moments together here and there than suffer the draaag of daily life together. I seem to manage that much better alone.

It's not that he's not helpful around the house, he's fantastic with house stuff/kid stuff/diy stuff and he wants to help ...it's as if I just haven't got the headspace to intertwine parenting 4dc and enjoying my partner at the same time.

Motherhood's hard work, I want my relationship to be a part of my 'time off'.

I've become a compartmentalist?!

...or territorial!

Ecomouse, im very able to 'compartmentalise' as well.
I wonder if that is part of it.
I do deal with the daily humdrum very easily myself and whistle along quite happily doing all the 'shit' myself. Add someone else into the equation and its just an irritant!

me too I have lived with two men (dp and exdh) and have been infinitely happier when living on my own.

I had a bedsit in my early twenties, lived in halls of residence (own room), lived in another bedsit with own separate bath and kitchen in early thirties.

Albeit now with two dcs. Can't see there would be room for another male in the house (my dcs are boys).

I love having the bed to myself. I do not like being told what I am watching/doing is rubbish or being questioned about it.

I am not particularly tidy or organised in the house and this was a big bone of contention in my marriage.

Living with a dp seems to work mostly if you dance to their tune.

I have house shared with male and female housemates as well and that was a far more equitable set up. Which really supports SGB's thoughts on the matter.

Nothing I like better on the odd sat night when dcs are at their dads to watch trash tv, drink wine and eat what I like.

Also like pictures on my own and have taken the odd holiday.

Oh thank you all... I'm exactly like this too. I find it just awful to live with anyone and I just feel smothered. I'm always being told that I'm "too independent" but I'm much happier without a man cluttering up the place full time. I do worry, though, that I'll pass this onto DD and I don't want her to think this is the only way to be.

I also much prefer living alone (aside from DC). I've only ever lived with one man, and that was such a negative experience I'm in no hurry to repeat it.

Having lived in shared houses at uni, I know that I generally find other people and their habits intensely irritating if we're under the same roof. Being in a relationship simply seems to magnify that irritation! I also like to decorate/arrange my house my way - I don't want someone moaning about the cushions and throws on my bed, or the colours I paint walls (Ex used to say this was evidence of me being controlling/incapable of making anyone happy!).

I do know though I will miss my DC very much when they leave home (they have already told me this will be when they are 18, because children who live at home after that age are sad ) Might have to get a dog

i'll be getting a dog then as well hatesponge!!

Me too.
Have realised it a bit late in life

TrappedinSuburbia, thanks so much for starting this thread...

I have the most perfect partner: he cooks for me most nights, washes my clothes, does the gardening, never belittles me and loves me with all his heart... but I still feel trapped and miserable at times. I miss being on my own, dating him and the fact of staying in his house (or his at mine) being a special thing, I hate routine, I hate other people making comments about the way I do things. I consider my house a place to relax, and that's the way I take house chores: I will do them when I feel like to, not when "they have to be done", and it irritates me immensely to have my DP coming home after work and immediately start doing chores, and cooking. We have no time to do fun stuff!

I would love to live in separate houses. But he wouldn´t understand that. I am afraid that this will end up spelling the end of our relationship. I so miss having my own space!

While our divorce was going through, XH tried all sorts of arguments, many of them well off the planet, to make me get back into the box. One of them was "You'll end up like your sister". OK, that's pretty bad. She had her own house, new car, reasonably well paid job, a cleaner, friends and occasional boyfriends, a holiday every year, hobbies, and most importantly, self-determination. A fate devoutly to be feared, clearly. Ah, but "men are only using her". Considering "men" in this case include friends and exes who would drop everything to help her at a pinch, without hope of a shag, I'm still wondering where the bad bit comes in.

Yes me, I think I am the ultimate solitude-lover and it seems funny that I've ended up in a houseful with DP and 2 DC. I adore them and love spending time with DP but if I was rich I would love to have that set up that Helena
Bonham Carter and Tim thingy have where they live next door to each other.

Luckily for me I work at home so I get total solitude during the day 3x a week, and also some nights in without DP and times when he's away for work. That helps me get the alone time I need - if I was never alone I would go mad.

Its so refreshing to hear all this.

If me and Dh do split up (see othe thread) I cannnot imagine VER wanting to live with anyone again - liveout lover is the way to go! It took me 4 years before i managed to move in with Dh and I've found it hard oing alot of the time. I LIKE living on my own (DS is fine) and I LIKE the excitment of going over to see a partner/ lover or having them come visit you.

halia - yes, some excitement.
I used to get the nice clothes on, make up and hair done/ he used to make similar effort when we were 'visiting'.

You just don't make the same effort, its in from work and flop down after seeing to the kids.