I'm upset...come and be kind to me about what I've found.

[LynetteScavo]

I have posted about this before (name changer alert)

To make things clear, we work in the same office.

I have previously found things on DH's computer, once on home computer, and once on work computer (which may or may not be DH has we Hot Desk)

Anyway, two weeks ago, I found some searches for escorts, and very gently confronted DH. I thought I could read him like a book. He said It wasn't him, and he didn't know who it was. I 100% believed him...we have been together 13 years, and I really thought I could tell if he was lying or not. So if it wasn't him, it was someone else in the office. Every one else if female.

So I was thinking, yeah, right, DH, but somehow I managed to accept it....DH is my best friend, we cannot ever separate, for many reasons, so basically I decided I had to overlook this.

But today, I found more searches. Now the weird thing is I know they could only have been done either when we were away on holiday. (therefore, as a colleague suggested, searched by the person who used the desk while we were away, or, when DH went into work early on Monday morning) The search was for escort sites in a city DH never goes to, and is far enough away for me to notice if he did, but close enough to work if you know wht I mean.

Now my mind is racing.

I really don't know if it was DH searching, or the colleague. It has gone through my head that this colleague could possibly be looking for extra work (She is young, attractive, and in severe debt)

There were several different searches of different, specific sites.

I'm now in a major strop with DH. He has no idea why. But he does know I was on his PC at work today, so unless he's being really thick, he should be able to work it out. I've said "you know why I'm cross, don't" you" But he genuinely has no clue.

Thank you so much for reading this far. Please be kind to me, I'm feeling very

Shit - didn't name change

OK, I think that either

a) it is the colleague who might want to get into it (hope she doesn't). Although you say you found them on the home computer, so what's that about?

b) it is him, but just for wank fodder. I reckon loads of guys look at these sites to fantasise without the intention of ever actually doing anything. Not ideal, but OK

Oh dear I thought I recognised the name! Never mind

How could it have been someone else on the home computer? Did you ask him about that specifically?

but why look at the specific town???

Tis okay, Lynette, I will not tell anyone it is you.

Such a difficult one this - it could be that your dh is innocent. Then again. You need more information.

Do you have access to all his e-mail accounts, I'm thinking if he has registered with an escort site there will be e-mails?

It was definitely DH on the home computer...it was several years ago, and he went very red when I asked him, and stared straight at the TV. I'm now pretty sure that was a once off (I like to check frequently what the rest of the family have been doing on PC), out of curiosity.....or so I thought.

So you found escorts on the computer at work and what? porn? on the home computer previously?

Have you considered that it could be technical, evening or cleaning staff accessing the PC at work and searching? Your dh would have to be really dim and desperate to do this on a pc you both use.

Even if it is him it doesn't mean he plans to use this sort of service. Everybody is entitled to a fantasy life - as long as it stays that way.
Stop discussing your marriage with colleagues btw - that way madness lies!

I have access to his home and work emails... but don't check his work email address very often. I've never found any dodgy emails, only searches.

presumably computers are turned off when cleaning staff are around tho?

this town which has been searched etc...there must be a time and date with the history??

Yep, everything is switched off when the office is cleaned (you need a password to access the computer, and I don't think the 110 year old cleaner would even know how to turn it on)

Is it possible to see times and dates on searches...I was wondering about that today, but haven't figured it out. It would be extremely enlightening!

It's not possible someone else is trying to make you suspect your DH? i.e another woman who's after him trying to cause an argument and all the rest between you? Was my first thought but maybe I watch too much TV/spend too long on here.....

It's very silly of him to use a work computer, IT can see everything you view!

Is there any practical way he could be hiring escorts. Does he spend time away on business trips a lot? Have you checked you financial outgoings?

DH is SE...there is no IT person, only him. He knows his stuff, so no me being able to find his searches is just ridiculous. But then he did leave the hand brake off on my car today (on level ground), so he does make mistakes.

I organise his diary....so he couldn't actually be spending any time with any. I'm 100% sure about that.

The last time (only time) I confronted him he denied it, and said he wouldn't ever sleep with anyone but me, for if he did I would "cut off his testicles, throw him out, and prevent him seeing the DC"

So we have multiple searches (which I'm trying to blame on someone else) and no actual, um.... "action" so far.

I really don't know what to make of this.

have these come up as pop ups perhaps? whilst he was on another site? porn maybe?

I reckon, weighing it all up, that it's probably innocent. If there's no other evidence - no large sums of money missing, no time when he could meet them - it's probably 'innocent'. I think a lot of men like the fantasy of an escort - a beautiful woman who will do whatever you want, and who you don't have to worry about offending/grossing out - but know that the reality is a bit sad and sordid, and wouldn't really want to go there.

my first instinct was that it isn't your DH.

surely if he knew you had been on his oc and were stropping he would put 2 and 2 together.

i dont know your D though so cant be sure. i cant explain teh home pc though.

Unfortunately, I do have experience of this sort of thing.

It would seem unlikely that your dh would risk searching for escorts on the pc at work...especially if it could only have been early one morning before you went on holiday.

But are you saying that you have found similar searches on the home pc as well? If so, then that would be more suspicious...

I don't think this is something to be worried about
For example there was a threadd on here a while ago about escort finders
I had a look at the link as I was curious to see where our local hot spots were
so my computer would come up wiht stuff
someone at work is curious and careless, it's prob not even your dh
now, about that handbrake

You can see the history with times & dates (History -> View All). Tht will show you the escort sites if they were viewed. My history does save Google searches, too, but I can't remember whether that's the default or a personal setting.

I think it seems quite likely your co-worker is moonlighting. A different city - far enough, but accessible - is the most obvious choice of location. It would also explain why she's only visiting specific sites; presumably, the agencies she's registered with.

For her sake, I hope they're reputable and careful agencies. I don't have any major issues with the sex industry (some of my friends have done stints in it, very successfully) but safety concerns are obviously worrying.

Sorry you're going through this. FWIW, I don't think it's your DH.

Like Ninah says, my PC will have some really dodgy searches in the history - I search loads of stuff out of curiosity. Also if you Hot Desk at work then it's quite likely NOT to be him.

If the searches on your home computer were similar, then maybe you should worry. But if they were for something different I would think the two were unconnected.

If he is IT literate then I think it's not likely to be him. Could be pop ups from dodgy sites colleagues are searching? If he was searching for escorts and had even the slightest knowledge of computers, surely he would delete the history? If you had found it in cookies or temp internet files maybe, but not the history.

I would note the dates and times, that should give you more of a clue. I am a champion snooper and often find things and panic. Pretty much 100% of the time on further investigation there is a logical explanation . Bad bad habit, I am far too paranoid and nosy for my own good.

Plus, I can only imaagine my history just from links I have followed on here squid porn anyone?

At the top of the internet browser, click on Tools and go to Internet Options.

Then, under Browsing History, click on Settings and click View Files.

A huge great list will come up, showing the name of the sites visited, dates and times.

HTH.

Personally I think it does sound innocent.

As for this:

"unless he's being really thick, he should be able to work it out. I've said "you know why I'm cross, don't" you" But he genuinely has no clue. "

My OH does this to me if he's annoyed about something I've said. I HATE it. If you're pissed off with me, TELL me, don't expect me to guess - it's just bloody annoying. There's nothing worse than something being in a sulk about something and refusing to tell you ewhat it is - it makes you guess, or assume, and I always get it wrong anyway.

The last time he did this to me, it was while we were unpacking my stuff (I've just moved in with him). I jumped to the conclusion that he had changed his mind about us moving in and got really upset - but it was something else entirely.