not sure if this is the right place... bedroom advice required!

[Mummiehunnie]

I am a divorcee in her mid thirties, and I am too ashamed to ask and have always been to ashamed to ask this question of anyone in rl, so here goes...

My history, first b/f both virgins, second was a short relationship and he moved abroad, third was a one night stand, fourth was husband...

First sex and lasting time were ok, he would last about five minutes when it came to intercourse, second was the best sex of my life and the intercourse would last a long time, the one night stand was quick as we were drunk, ex husband was intercourse wise quite quick, thee to five minutes...

Since the divorce, I have had lots of snogs, but never any intercourse and it has been over three years now, lots of cobwebs lol x

What I wondered is what is the average normal length of intercourse and is every man as limited as the ex and first b/f in bed? The second guy was amazing, and I have wondered if he was a one off or if that is the sort of sex life I should have been having during my marriage, it was so very difficult to get ex husband to get the idea and I was too scared to discuss it incase it effected his self esteem at the time?

3 to 5 minutes a bit rubbish in my opinion and (not very extensive) experience.

Actually 3-5 minutes of hard thrusting type sex is perfectly normal and average for men, Dr Thingie on embarassing bodies said that.

That's why you draw things out with oral and mutual masturbation and other foreplay, then you can pace the actual penetrative bit to your own needs, the slower and gentler the intercourse the longer it generally lasts, once it gets to the good stuff, 5 minutes is pretty good going.

Actually 3-5 minutes of hard thrusting type sex is perfectly normal and average for men, Dr Thingie on embarassing bodies said that.

That's why you draw things out with oral and mutual masturbation and other foreplay, then you can pace the actual penetrative bit to your own needs, the slower and gentler the intercourse the longer it generally lasts, once it gets to the good stuff, 5 minutes is pretty good going.

Yes, 3-5 of hard thrusting at the end, but the build up (including as much shagging as you want) should last lots longer. A quickie for DH and I is never less than 1/2 hr really. (though longer sessions are few and far between right now due to small child).

You deffo need to break your duck and get shagging again though Mummiehunnie, even if it is a 1 nighter who you never see again.

I have had plenty of chances lol, I was not ready to, and I can't wait to get going again if it is going to be like number two again! yes I need to lol x The guy I had a bit of a thing with when I first split up from ex had a problem in the prem ejac department so nothing happened with him in the end, I trusted him, I just don't trust anyone else since, and have not dated since last october at all! I will get back on the dating scene when I am ready again, I think I was dating as I felt I should at the time, rather than actually wanting to!

mh, I went shag-crayzee between my first & second marriages (age 34 to 39) :D I discovered the following advantages: I was a lot less woolly about the delights of my own body; I no longer put concern for male pride above my enjoyment; men expected me to be more sexually confident at that age, so I was.

When I first started seeing XH#2, he was way too fast & furious with the old thrusting - he was quite a bit younger than me. Following the second time with him, I said something along the lines of "my natural rhythm is quite slow, more like this ..." and told him to slow down whenever he speeded up. Worked a treat!

As it turned out, I would have been better off dumping him - but that's another story; sex with him was brilliant. Enjoy yourself!!

LOL at polling MN for average length of shag!

Callisto - do you mean a quickie is 1 to 2 hours or a quickie is half an hour? I am at a 2 hour quickie!

Half an hour.

I imagine she meant half an hour!

Grace, good idea x

With first, I can't remember that well, it was fumbled in the back of a car lol x

With ex husband, it was foreplay on both sides and then when it came to actual intercourse it was not that long, the only time it lasted long enough to pleasure me, was when he had had a drink and he lasted longer! I tried a few times to get him to carry on after he had cum, but it was useless, and I tried a few times to get him to go again asap, again useless, so it was pretty unforfilling for me sexually with him a lot of the time. He was not into talking, he had no imagination for that, no imagination for new positions or how to move from one to another, as I had had previously and as he was a large man I could not manipulate him to go from position to positoin, and it was all that hight of sexual fun with number two that I would love to have again, is it normal for a man to only have the full sexual experience with you in one position and if you are lucky you can manage to make it two positions? Number two and I would last for about half an hour, and move around a lot, and it was exciting and forfilling for me as much as for him, he had imagination and would talk etc, and I just enjoyed it better, so I was wondering if how things were with ex is normal or if how things were with number two were normal?

Am reading this with interest as I have no idea what would be considered normal in the shagging department.

Apart from my H (now left) I haven't had sex with anyone else in 25 years.

Before that a couple of one nighters when I was a teenager, not much good if I remember rightly.

I haven't met anyone since H left but do think about it and I am very apprehensive indeed.

What if I'm rubbish? H and I had a good sex life, AFAIK, plenty of it, but then I had nothing to compare against.

party time, I hope we both manage to learn a little from helpfull other posters experiences

So do I Mummie, I am at the point when I feel ready for a 'bit of fun' after the last 8 months of misery.

Here's hoping

I remember feeling like that too Party time, the guy I was going to try it out with, I had known before the ex, and I trusted him, however he had issues in the bedroom he told me about, so that relationship was all emotional and nothing physical, he knew he needed to sort something out for himself!

I had 6 years between xh and dh was a hell of ahock 'getting back in the saddle' but wish I'd done it sooner now!

Mummie I don't have any 'male' friends or acquaintances who are not single , who I could 'try it out with', plus all my friends are married and are friends with H too.

I don't know where to start meeting people, again difficult as my 'girl' friends are married and don't do 'girly' nights out.

I did meet a guy a few months back, a friend of a friend, we had both had too much to drink and stupidly I went back to his place. Nothing happened, he said he'd call but didn't.

In a way it boosted my very fragile self-esteem but equally I wasn't ready in my head for anything to happen either. So I'm glad it didn't.

But now the time is right for me, I have a lot sorted in my head, eventhough nothing is sorted with H.

I am glad you are now ready, I think I may be soon also again, I am putting feelers out about what is normal after being with someone who I think had npd, it takes a while to work out where you yourself went wrong in a relationship, it does not take so long to work out what the other did wrong lol x I realise that my communication was not great either but loads better than ex's, and that I kept quiet too much about things that may cause problems, I realise that in the next relationship I need to make my needs clearer as grace did with her second xh lol x

I would say the same 1/2 hr - 45mins.

3 minutes applying green Afro wig.
2 minutes doing up platform shoes.
2 minutes oiling up.
5 minutes smoking bong.
2 minutes foreplay.
13 minutes passed out due to the bong.
2 minutes getting biscuits.
1 minute romping.

30 minutes.

Multi-lol, Fonz!

I might break my duck with you, if you're available?

I'm flattered Ms Grace.