have agreed to go to hen night now realise DD has a dancing event. WWYD?

[fufflebum]

I have agreed to meet a friend of mine for a hen get together in London. However, today and invite arrived for DD (aged 5) for a dancing event in which she will get a certificate and I will be able to see her 'dance'.

I am torn as I really would love to go and see her dance and she enjoyed the last one too. I take her every week to ballet and I know she will love it if I come. DH has agreed to go with DS in my place and he feels that I should keep the arrangement with my friend as it is her hen party.

If truth be told I am not really keen on going to the hen thing (don't like groups of women, it will be expensive and I am going to the wedding). But feel obliged to go.

I need some perspective.....opinions please?!

If DD will have her daddy there, I'd go to the hen do - you can't be there for everything!

Either

a) do the thing you'd enjoy most

or

b)do the thing you agreed to first

or

c) do the thing that would result in the least upset for the person whose thing you are not going to

Depends on a number of factors, including how far in advance it is right now, how long ago you agreed to the hen night, whether there are any non-refundable booking fees or any activities that require a minimum number of people.

I would go to the hen do, although I understand how you feel about them!

If you don't want to go the hen do but do want to go to the dance thing, then do that.

I assume the logistics don't allow for you to attend the dance event and then drop round to the hen do for a quick drink afterwards?

Well, what Annie said would be ideal if it would work.

But I´m tempted to say if you´d rather go to your daughter´s dance then do that!

It is not possible to go to one and then drop in at the other because of where they are being held.

I am torn between doing what I want to do (go to the dance thing) and what I feel I should do (go to the hen event). I appreciate there will only be one hen event (unless she marries again!!) and plenty more dance things.

Is it your absolute best friend?

Go to the hen night, depending on how close you are to this friend. I always think it's a kind of first come first offer taken thing. If she wasn't close I wouldn't bother.

Would change plans only if you really really don't want to go and really really really can't bear not to see her dance.

Can DH take a video of it?

She's your daughter and in your heart of hearts you want to see her dance thing, the hen do is a bunch of girls getting together to get drunk, imo you can do that any time too, so go with what you want to do, you are going to the wedding anyhow, so no need to agonise on it.

I'd send DH with the video camera. One parent at these things is fine, we do this all the time. DD2 loves being able to watch it back, with commentary, for the missing parent.

Oh opinion is split. It is a hard decision.

She has been a friend for a long time but we see each other rarely because of where we live and also since having children my ability to catch up with people has dwindled somewhat.

I did go with her when she tried on wedding dresses so I guess that makes me a close friend.

Oh I am not sure!!!

I think you should go to the hen do as you have agreed already.

Next time if you don't want to go to something then don't go. Don't feel obliged to agree to go if you don't want to.

Agree that the hen do takes priority as: [a] it was the prior commitment; [b] hen nights are once-in-a-lifetime (hopefully); [c] satisfactory alternatives are in place for DD.

Women disliking groups of women always makes me a bit , but that's a different thread. Your friend will remember her hen night for the rest of her life, whereas DD will enjoy the whole family watching her perform over and over again, with the video replays.

It's a no-brainer, I'm afraid. Go hen, with good grace.