The Man is a liar

[impossiblesituation]

I suspected as much and ive found out the truth last night.

He lies.

Despite saying he loved me and wanted to be with me, he has a new girlfriend.

Im disapointed because i believed him, disapointed because i thought i wanted to be with him, disapointed beacause he is not who i thought he was and disapointed that he has treated me so horribly when i thought we were good friends.

I cant decide if it would be better to have a massive go at him or to just quietly stay away.

Another year of my life wasted.

keep your dignity. ignore ignore ignore - as if he doesn't exist. delete him from your life, your phone, your fb account.

Im just a bit shocked. I shouldnt be but i am.
Literally 3 days ago he was saying he thought i was perfect and wanted to be with me ( saturday morning) and now i find that he spent the rest of saturday with his new girlfriend.

I will never understand men ever.

I just cant believe i was so taken in. I supose least it will help me to move on.

but i feel totally gutted actually.

First man ive actually had real feelings for since my divorce and now im just feeling horribly reflective.

Dont look on it as a year wasted, its just a faze in your life that is finished and you are moving on to the next. Put it down to valuable experience and move on. It will get better.

Hes just messaged me on facebook asking how i was and saying he missed chatting to me as he hasnt seen me online since saturday.

unbelieveable.

Delete, Delete, Delete, Delete, Delete, Delete, Delete, Delete, Delete, Delete, and DELETE.

Don't give that twat the satisfaction of having you hanging on for him for one second longer.

he is wasting your time. don't let him waste another second.

Come on girl, , you can do this!

He sounds like a cock and a fantasist. it's never a waste of time if you've learned an important lesson (although unfortunately it wasn't one you wanted to learn). Draw a line under it, delete him out of your life and move on.

Don't let this experience make you too closed and untrusting. You were unlucky to meet this git but it's his problem that he's a bellend, not yours.

god i don't know the background op, any chance of a link?

sounds deluded though. of course it hurts and you will feel gutted. so sorry.

oh no he thinks he can lead a double life! not so. I'm sorry - you should cut him out for sure, he will never change. How did you find out?

I would keep yourself off line in chat, and let him keep looking for you on facebook!

Why do you want to keep him as a facebook friend?

What happened in your marriage?

Do you need answers from this man to help you move on, or do you want him back in your life, to choose you over the g/f he has told you about?

Do you miss his conversations?

What do you want for yourself?

wishing you well, he has done a crappy thing to you x

I found out via a bit of internet digging. He posts very regulary on a certain forum. ( which he has told me about and his user name is the same as his email) I expect he doesnt know that ive read it though.

Im just going to disappear offline/limited profile on facebook/not respond to texts/phonce calls for a bit.

Im not in a place where i can just delete him yet. That will come in a few days/weeks i should think.

Yes, i miss talking to him a lot. I really opened up and let him in. Told him all sorts of things that ive never told anyone. There were no boundaires and no secrets. SO the betrayal feels worse.

I was married to a serial cheater who used to tell me it was my fault, or that i was imagining it and that i was mental or that i physically replused him. My self esteme and trust was shattered and for years i closed myself off and wouldnt get close to anyone, including family. I didnt want to feel anything and i couldnt trust.

Then i met him and it all changed. In a way he gave me my life back. For that i will always be thankful. But hes also lied and is lying and i cant trust him.

i just cant let go yet and it sort of brings me a little bit of perverted comfort to know i can get in contact should i want to.

id like answers but i know that wont happen. In my ideal world he would realise his mistake and we would be together. But i also know that is not going to happen.

I dont know. am sad.

whats worse is i knew this would happen. I was so scared to let my defenses down and the more i fell in love with him the more scared i got beacause i knew i would end up heartbroken. Deep down i knew he was just messing me about.

It my own fault really.

It's not your 'fault', sweetie, your instincts & boundaries were working just fine it seems. Don't know your backstory, but perhaps you needed to test your instincts? So, now you know they are RIGHT, hurrah, and you'll listen to them in future

It's a pity sadness has to be part of the learning curve, but there you go. I feel sorry for his current victim; she's got all this ahead of her ...

Forgive yourself; you did what you needed to at the time. Block him and gather your funniest friends around you.

Oh god you poor thing. I second what the others say, you have to cut him out of your life and move on. They aren't all bastards, and the right one will be there somewhere.

It's so easy to say cut him out, but you will look back one day and think "phew, lucky escape there" - not yet, but perhaps in a few months.

You need to grieve for what you thought you had, and look to friends for support and then "wash that man right out of your hair".

As Grace said, your instincts were right, and you should thank them and whatever you might feel now, it still isn't your fault - what have you done wrong? NOTHING! Chin up, large drink of something soothing and treat yourself to something special.

ive got nothing to grieve. We were never properly together. It was a relationship at arms lenght. Phone calls, emails, texts, skype. Very few actual meetings.

He was always saying he loved me and i was perfect for him but just couldnt be with me but was very much in love with the idea of me. Except that when we did meet it would always confuse him as i seemed so different to his me.

I think he had another girlfriend oct/jan time. Didnt last very long. I did confront him about it as i thought that was the reason why we werent together, but he always denied it. His new relationship wont last more than a few months either.

What i long to understand though, is why did he just string me along for so long? what was the point? It wasnt for sex. So why?

Because this particular man is a bastard, maybe he strung you along because it was a power thing, who knows but it sounds as though you've had a lucky escape.

Imagine if you were in a full on relationship - all your time would be spent worrying about what he was up to and that would be miserable.

It's like ... Imagine a rat got into your kitchen one cold night, and completely trashed the contents of your store cupboard. Would you wring your hands and wonder "WHY did it ruin my stores?" No, because that's just what rats do when they're hungry. You'd be very cross and a bit freaked out. Then you'd clear up the mess, get rid of the rat and lay in fresh stores.

Perfect analogy, imo.

i think i would wonder how the rat got in in the first place and what i could do to stop another one getting in.

interestingly i just checked his facecbook ( i know, i know) and there are 3 less women on there than there were this morning. ( he doesnt have that many people on there, so its noticeable)

Coincidence? i doubt it. I expect they have all read his girlfriend comment on the website ( which he does tend to go on about)and are probably feeling how im feeling.
Except ive been on there a year and these only got added in the last 3 months.

I know for a fact that he did go on at least one date with two of them as they posted comments on his facebook which he promtly deleted.

He is just an arse isnt he. Why did i fall for such an arse?

Sorry, but you are not ready to delete him yet? may be few more days/weeks?

BOLLOCKS, sorry!

What the fuck flaming nora are you waiting for exactly????

Delete the cock now, if, and I say a massive IF you are wrong about him, you can re-add him can't you.... 3 women - clearly in the same position as you are right now - have had the good sense to give him the elbow.... but you are going to hang on in there????? you know better than them????

Where is your dignity woman? come on girl, get a grip and ditch the dickhead...

not meaning to be all nasty and harsh - tis tuff luv innit.... for your own good my girl

you know. i just kind of want to know who she is. Some terribly morbid thing of seeing whats shes got that i havent.

I know i shouldnt care. but lots of people do it, looking up ex's pics or the new partner or whatever.

I would have guessed it was one of the ones that now does not appear on there. There are only 2 ( maybe 3 ) other girls on there it could be. The rest where on there before i was and are old friends.

i sound quite mad dont i.

Either something will come out on his facebook or he will end up casually putting a name on the forum and then ill know.

i need to get a life i think.

But at least ive resisted the urge to have a go at him and have not replied to his attempts to contact me.

'Either something will come out on his facebook or he will end up casually putting a name on the forum and then ill know.'

Stop looking him up. Once you know one thing you'll need to know more, or something or someone else will appear that you'll have to investigate. Why are you doing this to yourself? Draw a line under it and move on.

< Some terribly morbid thing of seeing whats shes got that i havent >

At a wild guess: She doesn't know him very well yet, while you (now) know him all too well. Simple as. Spare a sympathetic thought for what lies ahead of her, be happy that you now seem to be over your horrid experience with XH, and embrace today

Easier said, I know, but you can do it!

Your thread reminds me very much of a similar one, currently on another forum. That poster pasted in a Skype conversation with the man. Its content is a textbook "reveal" from a Borderline Personality Disorder sufferer. Just thought I'd mention the coincidence - have you ever looked up BPD?

grace - can you copy and paste? or do a link?
id be very interested to read that.

for a while ive been wondering if he has something like that. Would be interesting to see. will go have a read.

Anyway - im feeling a lot better today. a lucky escape. he could be hard work at the best of times. very selfish, self absorbed with the biggest ego. all of which he was pround of and would boast about.

it would have never worked. i think it just became a habit.

PHEW!!! Glad to hear that! Lucky escape, indeed

boards.askmen.com/showthread.php?114129-Quick-Proposal

I do feel for you impossible.

My exbf did something similar to me. He seemed really nice too. It's incredibly hurtful.

However, looking him up and FB'ing etc is just prolonging the agony. You really need to rip that plaster off (yes, it will hurt) and ignore!

Good luck to you.