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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

so unfair

5 replies

pineapplecube · 07/06/2010 23:14

I feel angry and sad and just that things seem so unfair.

My h left me nearly 4 months ago. Claims he didn't love me anymore and that it will never come back. H treated me quite terrible the last couple of months always going to the pub after work, not showing an interest in me the house family life criticisng me and being verbally abusive etc.

He is with someone else who he swears he was seeing after he left. I don't believe this as a couple of people have told me they were seen talking a month before he went. He admits to talking but that is all. I have heard that she would not have anything to do with him while he was still married, in other words leave your wife and i will see you so he must have tried while still with me.

I hear through different sources that he semms to be the man i would have liked him to be. cut down on his drinking, hardly ever goes out and always doing diy at her house.
its just not fair.

How can this happen after 20 years. She is not younger than me so it is not that. i feel cheated and i have kids who miss their dad but he doesnt seem to care. He just says they will get over it. My dd feels sad as she has a dd a similar age and he does things with his new 'family' now.

OP posts:
pineapplecube · 07/06/2010 23:31

I don't want him back now after this but i wish they wern't so blissfully happy at the expense of me and my dc.

I just keep crying tears of anger, when will these feelings all end.

OP posts:
msboogie · 08/06/2010 00:25

oh, they won't be happy for long...

presumably he was nice to you too, once?

oliviasmama · 08/06/2010 07:33

agree with msboogie.....doesn't last, really hard to believe at this stage I know. Sit tight, your day will come.

overmydeadbody · 08/06/2010 07:40

Oh you poor thing, it is really painful isn't it?

The best thing you can do is move on with your life and stop dwelling on it.

I don't agree with mrsboogie, it may well last, he may get on really well with this woman and have a very succesful rekationship with her, but that's not important now, what you need to focus on is yourself and moving on.

You will probably meet another man who makes you more happy and treats you better than your ex H did.

hogshead · 08/06/2010 08:40

i read in the paper at the weekend that there are 6 stages of a relationship:
honeymoon (1st 3 months)
fantasy (2 months in)
coupledom (3 - 6 months)
confusion (6 months- year)
readjustment (1-2 years)
committment (3-5 years)

so they are probably still in that stage where they can see no wrong in the other - maybe it will last, maybe it wont but i agree you need to focus on yourself.

when my ex and i split up i noticed that i went through a similar process to grieving - anger, frustration, loss, and finally acceptance. I then met my now DH was is a million times the man my ex would ever be.

Ittakes everyone a different amount of time but you will get there so stay strong

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