Does anyone's dp really understand?

[Lizita]

I'm a single mum, and throughout most of my dd's first year I spent the time thinking things would be so much easier if I had a dp I could share it all with, and also unashamedly () looking forward to when me & my boyf would have a baby of our own and he would finally realise what it was I had had to go through.

But the more I hear & read, in spite of so many people saying "I don't know how you manage!", the more I realise that must have all been a pipe dream, and in fact I was probably better off doing it all alone!

What are your experiences? Does a father have to be a SAHD before he can really empathise with what hard work it is?

Totally agree Fairymum. I wouldn't consider what I do as 'babysitting' and yet that's what everyone seems to say about DH whenever they see me out on my own (far too rarely still in my opinion!) - its always said with some sort of shrug and sly grin as if its some bleedin' miracle that DH should be left on his own to look after HIS son!

From Havetodothis 'He is very supportive and completely understands the fact that i gave up working full time to be a mother, not a housewife too'... which DH could remember this a bit more often, I'd say this is the harder argument we have rather than bringing up DS which DH can't fail to occasionally notice is also his responsibility

I know a father who gets upset when people ask if he's babysitting his own son. The same father hates going to work. (He's a SAHD 1 or 2 days a week I think).

Funny about the dad who gives you a lie and does nothing like nappy changing, breakfast, getting dressed etc ! . My boyf gets up for me sometimes (angel - he's not dad, doesn't live with us, and this is on his weekend!) and I did eventually say look dd's nappy does desperately need changing straight after breakfast. As long as he does that & gives her breakfast I don't mind what happens - he usually sticks a DVD on and goes back to sleep on the settee! It remains to be seen what'll happen when he's faced with a pooey nappy! He doesn't even like it when i talk about poo!

We discuss this on a regular basis lol!
My dh has a very stressful job abroad and is also doing an MSc. In order to be with him,I have given up work and basically trail around the world with him,baby and 4 year old in tow.

The difference is that his life is high octane stress while mine is low level mundanity. Both difficult and equally so.

Having said that he is a great father and husband. He wants me to be with him f/t abroad in order to be with the children more,which ironically means that my life would probably be even duller! As it is,I escape regularly to the UK to see family and friends,and do some frelance work.

Needless to say we don't live in an expat Paradise like Dubai. I can't understand women who don't want to go and live in places like Saudi where there is masses to do. Here there is nothing-noone of my age and sex for example who speaks English.

Mind you - Saudi at the moment, no thanks! There's a mass exodus going on isn't there...

Must be lonely and isolating for you Moondog...

What will you do Moondog when your kids are at school?

Thanks hmc. You've made me feel a whole lot better!

No it's ok for short bursts. I will put my dd into (Turkish medium school) eventually,but not just yet. We are Welsh speaking,hence it is important for me to spend some time in Wales for her to attend Welsh medium school.

We have a nice flat,a car,live on the edge of a lake. Very pretty. I have been offered a job at the local uni and dh wants me to take it and get a nanny for the children so that i will feel more 'fulfilled' but I am not confident about leaving them with people who can't speak their language.
The lack of a job gives me the freedom to go back and forth however so it's difficult to give it up.

Lol at Saudi comment-that's wher my parents live!

Moondog!

Is the media overstating the risks then?

In Saudi???

Not sure. My parents aren't worried. Well,they are,but statistically realise the chances of being caught up in something are small.

Saudi needs expats to function.