Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Leaving and finances - How do I play this one?

9 replies

BartsMum · 07/06/2010 15:17

After years of lying, disrespectful behaviour, embarrasment and silly arguments I told my partner I wanted to leave. He didn't seem that bothered which annoyed me further - he is only concerned with the finances and what I'll take.
Basically when I first moved here, I only brought a small number of things with me (washing machine, a table, a sky box!) and almost everything else in the house was his. Over the years though we have been slowly replacing things so that most stuff is now "ours".
I have not told him yet but I am moving out in two weeks. I didn't tell him because I know he won't let me take anything so one day whilst he's at work I'm going to just go and take what I feel I should take. I want to be fair though, obviously but the way he's been talking, I should basically leave him with 90% of the stuff and give him half of the money for what I DO take!!

So, to play it fair, what DO I take? We both have kids so neither of us can be going without. The TV I will leave as it was his to start with but what about the sofa we both paid for? The bed is his so I'll have to buy a new one but I can't afford to buy new everything like he expects me to. The bedroom drawers/wardrobe/bedside tables - we both paid for them, do I take the drawers and leave the wardrobe? other way around? I don't know!

Other big problem is the car. It is mine. I am registered owner, registered keeper, it was bought on a loan in my name - the loan I will be taking with me so obviously I want the car too! He will argue though that he can't get to work which to be fair, he won't be able to get to work without it but I don't want to leave it here when I'm the one paying for it and why should I go without anyway?

He also thinks I should be paying half of what bills arrive when I leave - even though I'll have a load of stuff to pay at my new house.

I don't want to be a bitch but I'm not a mug either. How do I play this? the car thing is particulary bothering me.

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 07/06/2010 15:19

Don't leave the car! Fuck that. He'll have to use a bus or get a taxi then. Tough.

Plumm · 07/06/2010 15:21

I can't see any reason why you should pay half the bills. Take the car, if you're paying the finance. I'm not sure about the furniture. Working on his idea of giving him cash for half of what you take why don't you leave it and get him to give you half the cash for anything you bought together.

BartsMum · 07/06/2010 15:23

I know, I'm trying to be tougher but the soft shite in me is thinking "he could lose his job if he can't get to work in time". The bus is really awkward (he works in the neighbouring village and bus there is only 1 every 2 hours!). He won't be able to afford a taxi, he earns less than I do.

I keep trying to think of all the lies he's told me and the way he's treated me and I want to think "fuck him" but it's just not in my nature, no matter how hard I try.

I'm not willing the leave the car either though, I need it for the kids.

Ok, legally is there anything he can do to make me pay half of the bills after I've left and can he legally do anything to stop me taking a few pieces of furnture from the house?

OP posts:
HappyWoman · 07/06/2010 15:26

Well the car is yours - you have signed for that.
Can you make do with less of the furtniture and maybe buy second hand?? I would rather do that than have fights over what is relativley replaceable.

Could you ask for the bills to be made up for the date you leave (like you do when you move house)?

Be careful though if you have joint accounts as he could be running up huge bills on your behalf.

foureleven · 07/06/2010 15:27

No, you must take the car. You need to cut all ties with this man (ps... sooooo jealous that you can do this as it seems you dont have kids together, makes things simpler.)

I wouldnt sneak off an take stuff without telling him personally, I dont think its good for the karma.. I know he's atwat but two wrongs dont make a right.

If you were married you would have to add up the value of everything and split it. So do that.

But not the car, thats yours. Other stuff is both of yours.

JamieJay · 07/06/2010 15:30

DO NOT LEAVE HIM THE CAR!!!!

Sorry to shout but he doesn't deserve your pity in this way, his job, his responsibility.

The furniture is a little more complicated and I had this exact problem when I split from ex partner - we were luckily able to discuss it and split the stuff between us. I don't think he can legally make you pay anything though. Hopefully someone more knowing will come along soon

Take on board what HappyWoman says and sort any joint accounts etc. so he can't cause you problems that way......

BartsMum · 07/06/2010 15:38

Luckily we have no joint accounts and don't have kids together so the split is very simple and once its done we have no ties to each other. This is another reason I don't want to leave the car as its just another excuse for him to harrass me.

It kind of annoys me a bit that I'm going to have to move into a bare house whilst he gets the luxury of keeping everything but I'm not a materialistic person and I suppose it does make things simple. "You keep everything in the house, I'll keep the car"

Furniture is replacable I suppose and tbh I quite look forward to the challange of starting again from scratch with a beanbag in the middle of the living room floor and only my phone for music

OP posts:
SolidGoldBrass · 07/06/2010 15:42

You are not responsible for this man. INform the utility companies you are moving out, take the car (which is your property), close any joint accounts and good luck with your new life.
He can either buy himself a cheap car, get a new job or move - why should it be your problem?

foureleven · 07/06/2010 15:47

Having the two threads running is confusing me. I've said my piece on the other one so Im off now. Good luck with your fabulous new life OP.. with car/furnature or otherwise

New posts on this thread. Refresh page